all the flowers on the garden path

future tense

let us bury the past 

under the weight of today 

then walk over it

on our way to tomorrow.

runner

this past won't hold me back

anymore than your hand

on my shoulder

will keep me from running

headlong into wherever i need to be.

like an old friend

these words come out easy

in a one sided conversation.

silence...

then everything else is born from it.

A Change Of ...

Seasons

Our Summer sundays have passed us by.

The seasons have changed us

as we listen to the Autumn rain.

Bare branches point the way to the wind

which remains free

as we huddle around the embers

burning bright

in our homes.

Winter waits its turn

as Spring waits to be sprung.

Summer knows the wait is long

as its time is sweet. 

At Night

soon
one of these nights
we will finish
that which we
have begun.



some things are so much better
after a long wait.


Inhale life and act.

Thoughts in Portland

Distance Makes No Difference To The Heart

Behind my smile

have you ever thought

that I've been thinking of you

and what we could do

if we had the time 

to find some common ground

beneath our feet and beyond 

what we already share? 

I don't mind telling you this,

I just wish I could tell you 

face to face

but I'm just a fool who

daydreams about you.

See beyond what the eyes have to show

and look inside to know

if this could be real or if I should

let this become a permanent daydream.

We always reveal the most tender part of ourselves 

to those least likely to care.

My throat has become a raw wound aching at the world.

The Wait

The Wait

it is amazing what
nervous energy
will do to you.
the anticipation
of the coming moments
is what causes the mind
and body to reel at
the thought of what
is to come.

late night / early morning

Even idiocy is inspired every now and then.

"Sex is like an Idiot, it's running the free world."- Greg Comitz

More Alive Than Ever Before

more alive than ever before

that is not a lie,

that is not hyperbole.

that is simple fact.

I careen back and forth

everyday and every week

amongst places and people.

i wonder where i am at all times

and then i remember.





im still alive. maybe you just need to connect back to me.

ALIVE

i am still alive

my computer just wont let me get here

and do what i do

so i have gone back

to old fashion

pen and paper.

i await a regular return to here

The French Have A Saying For It

this night
has beat my mind
into submission
that will only lead me
further into the arms
of my lover.


running out of....
we pretend from time to time that
we have all the time in the world
to enact our plans into action.
that we have all the time to
stay out all night and watch the
sun rise over the city scape.
time is a beautiful illusion that only
functions in our minds and knows
not the true essence of existence.
we age in almost imperceptible ways
until we look in the mirror and see
the strangers dead eyes glaring back
with a sadness only the damned know.

quick quick quick

the day may be over
but the night is only beginning
to greet us in her arms.


don't ever be unfaithful.

draw me close to you with your absence.

Things I Want You To Know.

Stick to your convictions
because no one but you can.

Give your heart away once
and let it be broken.

Let yourself fall in love.

Don't question everything
because not everything
has an answer.

Cry now and again.

Laugh whenever possible.

Listen to the words coming
from your mouth,
you might be surprised at
what you are saying.

Sleep Well.

Don't Work A Job You Don't Like Just For The Money.
Money doesn't exist in nature but we foolish people
seem to have a need for it.

If you are reading this and breathing, then take heart
because there is hope for you yet.

You Will Never Be Perfect But Do Not Let That Deter You From It's Pursuit.

Not Everything You Were Taught About Life From School And Your Parents
Is Going To Be Right For You.

Not everyone wants to hear whats on your mind all the time.

You Look Beautiful.

Go to the beach during the day and then at night in the same day
and marvel.

Let The Wind Mess Up Your Hair.

Dance when the music moves you even if you look like a dork.

Write.

Play music.

For one moment consider a very ridiculous idea as being possible.

Know when to be impulsive and when to plan.

Believe in a religion or don't but don't bug others about it.

The Media Lies To YOU ALL THE TIME.

Turn Off Your Computer.

Make Out More Often.

Get Drunk More/Less Often.

Try Drugs.

Know when to moderate your vices.

Forgive.

Take A Stupid Chance.

Tell Someone You Love that You Love Them.

Kiss me.

Excuse Yourself.

Everyone is an asshole.

Everyone is wonderful.

I Love You.

Do Not Let This World Crush Your Spirit.

Grow Up

this brief spring
divergent paths
are what we are
all embarked upon.

some will meet again
in the future tense,
others will not.

that our paths diverge
is not a sadness in itself
for it is better that we met

in the briefest of springs
than to have never met
each other at all.




we are the sum of our best and worst experiences.



We look to the sun to answer our questions and heal our bodies.



we are always becoming the people we hope to be.

unfinished late night bits

we turned another day
into night.
sitting by the empty screen
in a chair too low
it all comes into
a strange focus.

sometimes
it is much better
to be alone than to
take the company
of those
who would
much rather
be somewhere else.

A Piece Of Advice

Overnight
never trust someone who has had their success
come over night.
pay your dues and let your work speak for itself.
everything else doesn't matter
and never will.

In a Different Time In a Different Place

did we really dance in the rain
or was that a dream
of a night never lived?
i wake up thinking
that perhaps
it was all real once
in a different time
in a different place.
all we have is what is
in our hands and hearts.

sometimes patience and stubbornness are opposite sides of the same line.



let us escape this world in a breath of the gods
and become the immortals we truly are.

For No One In Particular

Sometimes I would rather hear silence than have to hear your voice ever again.

Pursue The Madness To It's Logical Conclusion

J in Torrance
you can call this
a chance encounter
because i don't really know
how else you would describe it.

it has been more than a few months
since the last time i stepped into ---------------
to get a bite to eat.
the last time was surely
last year at some point.

i would always go in with a few
coworker friends and sit around
talking about absurdities.

i remember seeing your face then.
so young an beautiful.

today,partially from hunger and desire
for a decent sandwich i stepped in.

as i went to pay i saw you behind the counter
wearing your hair up beneathe a red cap
that is part of your uniform.

we spoke and talked about past recognitions
of each other. you had a beautiful smile.

you made sure to tell me to come back.

maybe i will.


performer
who i am
in my day to day life
is not the same person i am
when i am on a stage.
tonight will be
just another
example
of who
i like
to be.

Education and Knowledge Beyond Understanding

Transformer
We see the universe through a pair of blinders.
It is so wondrous that we can hardly comprehend
there being even more than what is visible to us.
To the sides,above us and behind us there are
things we have not seen but can look through us,
at us. We are hurtling towards the same knowledge,
the same truth but through different routes.
At the end of this stage, the next chapter will await
us to begin writing it.


Class
This is a lesson that will take
an entire lifetime to learn.
Many more await
since this education
spans time and space
in all its infiniteness.

Many Lives, Many Masters

Through Death We Live Forever.



El Voz Verdarero.


Karmic Scars.


A Consciousness Climbing To A Higher Path.


The Wait Is The Worry.

(these four phrases all came to me while i was driving back home this afternoon.)



Concepts of what is reality
should be reassessed
in order to give us
what might be a more
accurate view of what
the true nature of existence is.


The mind willing to push itself to the outer edge
of what is known and unknown will suffer but
it will come to a deeper understanding that is
available to those who choose to make the leap.


Greed has been a flaw in the human character for as
long as we have been a species conscious of our actions.
We are not bound to it as much as consumed by it.


These words are reminders to the self that can be lost
very easily when obscured by the grind of "modern" life.


Technology is the manifestation of the inner desire to create.

Purse Your Lips And Look To The Sun

Girl Of My Dream

it was too good to be real
and it was happening to me.
that should have been a clue
to me that it was all passing
moments in a dream scape.

you seemed so perfect with me
as we met and talked together.

we went somewhere soft and warm
and lost track of time.

you were beautiful.
you were also a little shorter than me
from what i recall.

laying down with you was
wonderful and it was just
too good to be true.

we were driving some distant
and unfamiliar road and then...

i woke up

and our time together was done.

it is now morning and i wonder
if you exist

and if we will ever meet.

The Dead Voice Of Reason

The Dead Voice Of Reason
He used to make so much sense,
more so than those who claim
to have it on their side.
But like all the good ones
he was taken too soon.
So I wonder what he would say
about our present state of affairs.
I am not sure what words he would
use but I can be sure that he would
be very angry at the wool that has
been pulled over our eyes.

Oh Yes.

burn out talk
let's do it
and not talk
about it.
let's do it
together
and never
look back.
let's do it
and forgot
all doubt.

What Is Worth It?

20somethingitch
that itch
is infecting the mind
against the heart.

that itch
is telling the heart
those dreams deceive.

that itch
is the only thing
that does deceive.

that itch
has gotten many over
the years

but it
won't get
me.


reminding you
I know you can fight
for the things that
are worth fighting for.
keep going,
keeping breathing.
I am right beside you.

Where The Golden Pond Meets The Ocean

you are golden still in my eyes.


music
we are trying to build
something from our pain
that can outlast our
corporeal selves
and render us
immortal.



regicide
wear your smile well
right before
the dagger
is drawn
to deliver
the final blow
against
the emperor.



empujando
all of this
is
all that we
are.
all of this
is
what we are
becoming.

The FUTURE

Vote Of Confidence
sometimes it only takes
a few words to decide
what you wish to do
for the rest of your life.
ok, maybe not the entire
rest of your life
but at least a good part of it.


no one watching
Do something good
not because anyone is watching
but because it is the right thing
for your heart and mind.



Bales.
the future is writing itself
as i think and
as i write at
this very moment.
it is a beautifully
terrifying thing
to see the threads
tie together
into the picture
on the loom.


Now and Tomorrow
my love for you has not
been tampered with any
of our fights or differences.
the purity of emotion that
pushes this expression
is the bond that has held us.




action now determines the future
before it arrives.
tomorrow waits
only for today.



this is our game to win

Jigsaw Pieces

Waiting
in between doing
so many things
there is always
that part which
is purely waiting
around for the moments
to fall into a
perfect line.
it takes some time
for this to happen.
but as the they begin
to come into focus
it becomes that much
more interesting
to live a life
with as little
fear as possible.


=
no risk= no challenge
no challenge = most lives
most lives = not for me.



running distance
our lives are running along
different parts of the same path.
the track is so vast that it often
appears to not be the same path
at all. that is the funniest part
of all .



Anyone can get some fancy degree and write. But not everyone has heart. If you have the heart and courage to do something, then you will succeed.

Blanche, Alone In The White Woods

Blanche
you beautiful
and precious
relic,
holding on
to those notions
of chivalry
that once were
the rule
or so we are told.
your gentle heart
is too fragile
to live in these days.
illusion builds into
a perfect wall
against reality
until the two
are intertwined
into one seamless
story that has to be true.
it has to, doesn't it?
you bleed inside your mind
as she cannot resist him
and you drive him
to those acts
in the end,
when all reason
will be severed from you.
alone in some room
far from the world outside
your mind must be
such a beautiful place
to be now.

Rend Your Heart...

Rend Your Heart Upon The Rocks




"Dreams often fade and die in a bad,bad world"
-the Kinks



the days descend to the waters edge
before the ascent of the
porcelain flower of the sky.


if you ever gave me back my heart
i would have no more need for it.

the water calls me back
like a moth to the flame.
the wind whistling
in the spring breeze.

we've known about it for years and said nothing.


"i miss the morning dew, fresh hair and sunday school."
-the Kinks

A Game Of Pool With Fate

Doing This
the sheer will and determination
that it takes to get somewhere
in this life is sometimes the only
thing that is pushing the dream
forward into what will hopefully
be reality.

it is relentless in it's intoxicating
fragrance. it will make you
sacrifice everything else in order
to do this to the full extent that
it demands.

there will be casualties along the
way but that is always the case.
life will not always reward those
with the talent and clarity of
vision but it is always worth the
pursuit and risk of death and
madness.

Lotus Flower

Spreading Lotus
Flower won't you bloom for me?
Push your petals
apart for me
and let me see
the nectar
you hide within.
Lotus Flower
so pure
won't you
treat me
to your
ecstasy?
Bloom for me
beneath
the moon so
bright
and let me
feed from
your nectar
tonight.

Serial Monogamy

Serial Monogamy

is it safe to say that many of you
are guilty of this without
realizing it?

one heart broken leads to another
heart taken with no space
in between to allow
the broken bonds to heal.
love?
lust?
love?
or misguided attempts
to not have to be alone
no matter who
or what the cost?

I am leery of those
who cannot stand
to be by themselves.
Those who are always
in the arms of another
and make nothing out of nothing.

Love can be real
but you can be mistaken
as well.

Don't be afraid to be alone
from time to time.

If you can't stand to be
by yourself
then how do you expect
someone else
to be with you?



--------------------------]
drowning in ambition ]
is better than drowning ]
in an ocean of nothing. ]
--------------------------]


una noche
what a sight it was
to see you undressed
on your bed.
we might as well
have been on the beach.

Welcome To Reality

Fiction Romance
build the dream into an ideal
that becomes unreachable
so that everything else
becomes a failed expectation.

so many happy people
running around
so many happy people
might as well be dead .

does the mind cease to function
once the heart has been sated
or is it possible to find a medium
between heart and reason?

i have never found there to be
a good balancing point between
heart and reason, it always seems
to teeter back and forth in a

constant imbalance that might
level out for a brief moment
or two that is all too fleeting
to be real or enduring.

there are things worse than death
but often times we will never know
them until the we see them. loveless
living is not the end but not optimal.

Prediction

The Future
the present
is quickly
becoming
something else
more terrifying
and violent
unless we
face the truth
in the mirror
and look past it
into new action

There Is Always Something More Terrifying To Learn About

Sleep Paralysis
it is our own fault sometimes
for the unknown terrors we
suffer through in our lives.

sleep should always be thought
of as a wonderful and needful
respite for the modern lives

we seem to lead. i have always
been torn and conflicted with
sleep from a relatively young age.

it has terrified me at times as
almost nothing else has. in recent
times there were moments when

this became a nightmarish ordeal
that made me wonder if childhood
nightmares were now incarnate.


lying in bed asleep then bolting up
wide awake but feeling completely
physically paralyzed and unable to

cry out. this happened enough that
the last time it occurred i had had
enough of this happening to me.

as it occurred i remember laughing
inside my head and thinking that
this cannot harm me.

i've been fine since then but there
are still many nights ahead waiting
for me to come to the night time reaches.



the darkness inside
i used to love embracing
the numbing effect of alcohol
as my mind and body would
succumb to its dark kiss.
it would come to me like a lover
and we would dance together
and slip deeper and deeper
into the descending darkness.
morning would come and she
would always be gone but not
before she would spite my head
to remind me of how much a fool
i had been the night before.
we have since parted company
though i think about her from
time to time over the nights
when i'm with friends and old
drinking buddies. i will taste her
sweet lips once more some distant
night but until then at least i know
i don't need to take that dark embrace
to the path of annihilation.




The Problem With 'Artists'
Fuck Poetry
Fuck Art
Fuck Pretension
Fuck This
Fuck You
Fuck Music
Fuck Literature
Fuck Heaven
Fuck Hell
GIVE ME HONESTY
IN YOUR EXPRESSION




Bleed for your art or don't make it at all.

Patterns and Patterns Within Patterns

REPEATER
history likes to look
at the present
and point
and laugh.
history thinks to itself
'this has happened before,
i wonder if anyone will notice.'
no one ever does
which is why the story
keeps repeating itself
over and over
like it's happening
again for the first time.

2 quick thoughts...

Your Heartbeat Is the Thunder In My Head



From Here, EVERYWHERE.

I Guess You Could Call Them Bad Choices

better luck next time
is it just my luck
or perhaps pure intention
that i always screw it up somehow?
perhaps i keep that inner part of me
too guarded to those who want to see.
so another one gone but for the best
it could be said. i would not have
wanted to keep pulling you along
this way. i guess these are my
final thoughts on us and then.



shar shar
playing those games
on the floor as
you tried to put
those scrabble pieces
in your mouth
was surely something
i won't forget.
it is something
i needed to see to
remember
once we laugh
we can move on
again.



no es sabado gigante
get ready to face
the sun once more
and the day outside.

its oh so beautiful
with the birds
singing to all us
broken people

waiting for us
to come outside
once again.






Peros en un barco
estan bailando
otra vez.


la muchacha
no esta tomando
pero si esta
fumando

Like Losing Love You Never Had.

Hello Stranger!
I wonder
who the hell
reads all of these
words that I am
sending to the void.
Cause I know
it sure as hell
is not me.



Windows Like Mirrors
the next time that you are driving
through the crowded city streets
or the traffic choked freeways,
take a moment to look at the faces
of the people in the cars around you.
all the possible emotions you can
imagine and more are on display.
the faces that are sullen and beat
down by the machinations of our
modern world,the looks of
impatient ecstasy as they await
the return to homes or loved ones
with some tremendous news.
the faces on the road tell the story
of the world one car at a time.
if you would only look out to the face
looking right at yours.





some random bit
Being the perpetual dreamer
has its advantages
as well as its drawbacks.
But anyone who did not
already know that is surely
a fool.


Like Losing Love You Never Had.




You have become a memory
that is awaiting return
to my conscious thoughts

Destroy The Dam And Let The River Flow

SHUT THE FUCK UP she said
i don't know anyone,
not even my close friends
who can understand
the torrent of
activity
that takes up
residence in my mind
on any given day
at any give moment.
i can let the words
spill out for hours
if you would let me.
when i sit down to write
sometimes it just keeps
flowing through my
fingertips
that mistakes abound
as the flesh struggles
to keep pace
with the fury
that is forcing
its way out of my head.
you may say i talk too much
but you will never know
or understand the inner
dialog that races
around every moment.
you may say i talk too much
or perhaps
you don't talk enough.
for as much as i may talk
some times i think
you forget
that i always do
what i say.
how many can claim that?

I Drowned Before You Could Save Me

PEEL
all this new skin
is peeling away
to reveal
something
new that
i did not
know was
there.
i can see it
coming off
in sheets
from my
stomach,
back
and legs.
not quite clear
enough to see
through
completely
but enough
to see the light.
this newly exposed
flesh begins
to glisten
in the rays
of the morning
sun.


Mater
we began our ascent
so innocently
so many years ago.
none of our
fore bearers
could have foreseen
the future
that we now
call the present.
padre
and mater
lay in such
an unfortunate
divide
that perhaps
we are struggling
once more
to get to
mater
again.



Donde El Corazon Vive
Love
does not exist
in only one way.
It exists in ways
and forms
that many of us
would be hard
pressed to recognize
at first glance.
Love
shifts its form
over and over
to the time
and the individual.
there is no such thing
as a human that
has led a
loveless life.



Bottlelips
There has been
a certain type of clarity
in me the last few months
since i last put that
precious bottle
to my lips.
My mind seems to be
firing off its
hopes and ambitions
at such a frightening pace
that it now seems
everything is possible
and within grasp
if the strength to achieve
remains.
There are worse things
that could happen
to someone
when they go sober
but this is probably
a pretty good one.

Ambition Will Make You Or Destroy You

Manifest
conscious thoughts being transformed
into physical reality
is not as impossible
as it may seem.
the hard part
is having the thought
in the first place.


A Night In The Pacific Northwest
The destination
is in sight.
Keep heading
straight for the dawn
and never
relent.

Brief Spring

Define The Line



Behind The Curtains
The possibility
and promise
of existence
is far greater than
what most
humans can now
conceive.
We have tamed
ourselves
and our world
only to lose
control
over what
burns inside.
Knowledge cries out,
begging
to reveal itself
to those minds
willing to make
the leap
to other worlds
obscured
by our arrogance
and invention.
The doors are not
hidden to us.
They are always
around
in the fields
and forests
of the earth,
waiting to reveal
the truth
and nature
of nature.




something like that
This is not love,
this is something else.
This is who we are
at the moment
with each other.
I don't make promises
I can't keep
any longer.
That is why we are
how we are.
I hope
you can
understand.


Breaking Down The Doors
a means
to understand
that which
must be
experienced
in order to be
understood.
to open that door
is to destroy it forever
and leave the
doorway
open
for all comers.

quote

your eyes are as empty
as a million dead suns.

Wishfully Thinking

MUSE, MOVE ME.



Mirror Mirror
some people find it easier
to fill their heads
with passing thoughts
of fancy
and do nothing
about them
as they go through
their days.
those thoughts
come and go
and remain as
goals to one day strive for
but never actually
have the ambition
to do.
after years of living
these thoughts
go unfulfilled
in the heart
and gradually another
thought enters the mind:
what happened to me?
once that has happened
there can only be one answer
and one place where the blame
can be placed upon.
the answer always lies in the
mirror.



Optimism
Dreams are never failures
no matter what the outcome.
At worst
a dream becomes
the template
for the next wave
of success.



All the beautiful women I've known and You.
It is very easy
to get lost in
thoughts of infatuous
love.
The body gravitates
to those whose visages
most ensnare
the easily enraptured
parts of anatomy.
Such base desire
has fueled our species
for time immemorial.
Could it be all the feelings
of Love and Lust
are just simple
chemical interactions
in our brains
that we have assigned
a deeper emotional resonance
that perhaps has no basis
in reality?
Is Love Real?
We can discuss this
and have no definitive answer
no matter what all the poets
have ever written.
Lust is definitely real
and we have more than enough
proof and shattered hearts
to prove it.


Alonity
I used to think
that I had been in Love.
I sincerely used to believe it
but have since
gone back to look
and have found none of it
was ever truly there.
those words that I have said
are now revealed to be
What they truly were,
emotional blackmail.
I have never fully given my heart
to anyone so purely and so
completely.
It is sad to contemplate such a fact
but it is one that I am ok with
at the present moment.
sometimes being alone
can be the greatest comfort
that no other person can provide.

Shit Or Get Off The Pot

advice for the modern masses
it's hard to feel sorry
for those people
that complain
that their lives
are not what they
had hoped they
would be.
life will make us
suffer disappointment
and defeat
as tests of will
and strength of heart.
if those are enough
to cripple and defeat you
then those paths
were not for you.
truth in such ways
is always hard to accept.
if you can persevere
through such slings
then your work
will bring you to where
you need to be.
life is always a choice
that is in our hands.
stop complaining
and get on with it.

Mine? Uh...

Mine? Uh...
I can see in your eyes
the fire that burns in your heart.
It is a beautiful thing
that is inside of us
which keeps us in
constant motion.
We are enraptured
by the possibilities
of our two chosen mediums
that will produce
many of the same results.
We continue on
with these slightly divergent paths
which meet again and again
from to time to time.
You are the beautiful darling
whom I hope to be with
perhaps some far
and distant day.

Canadian Acid

R.R.
i think i could be
good for you
if you wanted
me to.
you are young
and gorgeous
and still
finding your
way through
the days
that we're
living.
i think i could be
good for you
if you wanted
me to.


reaffirm
there has to be
something more
to life than just what
they have told you
your whole life.
and i am determined
to find it and live
this life out on
my own terms.



canadian acid
some stories you just can't
make up.
they happen
and you remember
them for many years after
cause you have no choice
once they have been seared
into your head.

Finally, Rest For The Weary Heart

Dead Deer Hearts
I don't miss you much
if at all.
Could it be
I've learned
to be able to fall?
There's no point
in jealousy.
Guess it doesn't matter
what you think
of me.
When his time
with you is done
you'll come
calling back to me.
I won't be around
anymore for you
cause I am done
with this game
and I am done
with YOU.

Fact

fact
sometimes
it hurts.
sometimes
it feels
amazing.
but it
is always
life.

My Life. Rough Draft #1

Delete
it is much easier
these days to
make divisions
in our lives
between
love and its failure.
to cut those ties
and move on.
to cut out those pieces
of the heart
and throw them
to the wind.



fail me now
fail me now
before
i have the chance
to fail you.
fail me now
before
i have the chance
to give you my heart.
fail me now
or else
i will have to love you
the way i have longed to
for many years.




THE Answer
it gets easier from
moment to moment
sometimes.

to forget the long chain
that remains to be grasped
in front of us.

getting older
has always been
better than being

the young fool
who had no idea
where to look

for the answers
to the questions
he asked.

the answers are not there
and never have been.
what they failed to tell us is

that we must provide
all the answers ourselves
for this life.

Let Your Beauty Be My Truth

a close distance
your memory
is not so distant
though the time
since last we spoke is.
your kind smile
and sweet voice
remind me
that there is
some good
left in the world
and you
are of it.


tu beso
if you kissed me
the way
you look at me
i would be yours
forever.


long distance
keep running forward.
eventually you will be
right back here
if you go far enough.

Sing Your Sorrowful Heart Out To Me Again My Love.

All These Dreams Move Away From Me
you'll call me when you need me,
talk to me when you feel like it,
see me if you ever get the time,
be with me if your heart ever meets mine.

we closed such distance within ourselves
only to push apart again.

desire can't be
such a
one sided affair.

that is what it has been
with us for time immemorial

and now i am ready
to let you go
for good
for ever
if that is what
we need to be.


dancing on that grave
wouldacouldashoula
by now already
if there had been a chance
wouldacouldashoulda
if there had been a chance all along.
now i dance
on the grave of these fond memories
packing that dirt
tighter and tighter
onto the coffin below.
your feet don't move
to the sound
of the backyard rhythm
that makes me
pound my feet
harder and harder
down
down
down
onto
that grave below.


good enough
i would sing these words to you
in a song
if i could sing.
i would sing these words
over guitar
if i could play guitar.
i would tear my heart out for you
if i had
a heart left to break apart.
so this will have to do for you,
this will have to do
and i'm sure it'll be fine,
it'll be good enough
for you
and that'll be
good enough for me.


morning song
morning sing to me,
morning sing to me
through the window
and onto my weary head.
morning come to me,
morning come to me
and make me rise
from this bed again.
morning take me,
morning take me
to where i need to be
and where i need to go.
morning breathe hope
morning breathe hope
into my lungs again
to make it through today.
morning
make me strong enough.


on distance
every step is a mile
every mile
a space i need to cross
from here
to where i need to be.
nothing easy can be good.
nothing good has ever been easy.
every step a mile
every step
closer
to where i need to be.


the difference between then and now
drowning my sorrow
into the empty bottle
was the only way
this used to end.
those nights are done
and these days are starting
with the bottle full
and the cap seal unbroken.
when night comes by
and leaves,
the bottle cap seal
will be the same
as it ever was.

Muse Moving Morning

JAZZ
the gods have grown old
but we still worship them
as the remaining reminders
of a golden age
that has been mythologized
in books, documentaries, music
and their own
scar marked bodies.
the art form has been preserved
and now survives
on tubes and wires
to keep it alive.
the young have lost
the burning desire that
these gods once had
and occupy themselves
in other pursuits
so far removed from this
glorious fire.
the form remains
but that is not enough.
the remains must be viewed
and then destroyed
to let the new seeds
take root.


i have no regrets
but i do wish
i could forgive myself
for you.

simple morning man
these day time hours
are spent in the company
of no one but the sound
that soothes and destroys.
it is enough to keep me content
before the afternoon and evening
occupy my mind and body.


honesty
when i hold your body close to mine
on these late nights
i wish i could give you my heart.
i wish i could be a better man
to be able to love without care
or without weight attached
to my wretched being.
stop all words
and let touch
be the only one
to say so much.


are and are
fleeting thoughts
of desire
are many in the mind
of mortal men.
my mind is no different
and you are the object
of such fleeting thoughts
in my head.
you are the type of woman
that i find desirable
but would be wholly
impractical for us both.

Long Nights Of Dead And Lost Love

guardian at the gates
guard your heart against me
and keep it close
to you.
open your mind to me
and the rest will follow.
guard your heart against me
until i am
who i need to be
to possess it.



Arctic Eyes


The Pretty Dead

our words will save us
before they kill us.

Sum

Sum
How am i supposed
to see your face
when you keep
turning away
from me?
We, could become Us
so easily.
I should have known
better than
to fall in love
with you.

Emotional Abortion

Emotional Abortion
this is neither
the first nor
the last time
she has been here
for this.
each time
she comes
it is not a matter
of life or death,
it is a matter
of business.
sitting in that cold
impersonal waiting room
to be led into that
cold impersonal
chamber
where this
business transaction
will take place.
it is not cause i want to
she thinks,
it would just be bad for business.
getting knocked out
would cost too much
so she stays awake
through it all.
the sounds are all
familiar to her by now.
she tries to think
of other things
during her time in there,
happier things
from a happier place
she has never been.
mother would say
to wait for that special man.
but how will i know mom?
trust me honey
you'll know.
except for two,
all the other right men
have had just
the right bit of money.
the numbness in her body
is no comparison
to the numbness
of her heart.
when she is done
she leaves
and feels nothing
going through those doors
except wishing
she didn't have to come back again
so soon.
she always comes back
too soon.

Break Every Rule At Least Once

feed me with your kiss


no such thing as modern romance
It is good to know
that the urges
that are stirred
by our attraction
do not die
for our lack of nearness
but only intensify
when we meet
on such nights.


the only reason to learn any rule is to break it.
should i
hide
beneath
words that serve
to obfuscate
the meaning
and message
of that which i wish
to convey
because
it is artistic?
because
it is more indirect?
because
it builds some mystique?
i say
and
i write
that which is honest
from the wreckage
of my being.
this is not
to satisfy
some hack professor
at some hack university
where learning and
true knowledge
are dropped in favor
of making good
businessmen,
good consumers.
fuck you
and
fuck those
rules they taught you
in those creative writing
workshops.
be the artist
you wish to be
by your own standards
and by your own
expectations.
Emulate your idols,
then strike them from your mind
and then
become
that which you need to be.

leaving you behind

shoot it down
i am sitting
listening to tonights rain
inside this room
listening to the group
we saw together
for the first time.
do you remember
how you reached over and
held my hand that night there?
in that vast cavern
of people and sound?
i should have stopped caring
that night.


bootstrapbombadier
you might as well
stamp out
those soft delusions
from your mind
and surrender
to the reality
of what is facing you.




such a pretty little girl
your heart
and mine
are more foolish
than our minds
could ever hope
to be either
together or
alone.


pushing farther and farther into the distance ahead
you were
so golden to me.
whatever happened
to you?
or was it me
that drove
you away?

Sometimes I Wish I Had Lost That Leg

it started at barnes and noble
the same old story
plays through
again and again
in my life
when it comes to you.
close
but not quite
good enough
close
but not quite
the one
for you.
it might be easier
to live like johnny
when he got his
gun.



single subject
i am pretty sure
you have not
been oblivious
to me
and my emotions
but you probably
don't
have the heart
in you to just
out and out
crush my
feelings.
after all this time
i think i would
rather you
did that
than have
this going on
and on again.



fuck you and these dead feelings
i am not
entirely sure
if i care anymore
but i can't
be sure of
that either.


one track
there is no other option
except
for the path
i have embarked upon.
this mad mind
would rather
die than
surrender
to anyone else's
expectations of myself.

Living Among The Dead

Living among the dead
is the only way
to describe
how i have lived
this last day.
i await my return
to the world
of the living

Corcovado

Astrud,
Would you
sing me to sleep
with that
beautiful
voice of yours
that made me fall
in love with you
and dream of a place
called
Corcovado?
Oh, How lovely.
That first time
was amazing
with you.
Every time since,
when I hear those
words escape
your lips
I become
enraptured
in the sound
of true
beauty.



United By Fate, Divided By Love



Our Flesh Becomes One



every new beginning
is at least
a little awkward.
that is nothing new.

Late Night Madness

like this moment
for everything gone right
i still feel something
to be missing
inside myself.
whether it be
in my head
or in my heart.
there is still
a yearning
that aches
to be filled.
some days
it is more apparent
than others.
some nights
it keeps me
wide awake
and disturbs
my mind to a
great degree.
on those nights
i wonder whether
or not i can possibly
go on this way.
so far each time
the answer
has been yes.
i hope to keep
it that way for
the foreseeable
future
but sometimes
i just don't know.


fear
life terrifies me.
it can be the most
daunting thing.
it sits there
just staring at us,
waiting for us
to make a move.


more on the same topic
writing late at night
can be a cathartic
experience at times.
a quiet catharsis
that is denied me
in other forms
of expression.
when my mind
and heart
pour forth
their fears
and insecurities
by the baleful.
other times
it just gets worse
and sleep only comes
through sheer
physical exhaustion.

The Problem With Existence

Facts
Life has killed
better men
than us.
We will be
no exception.



Face The Facts
Our perception of existence
is far narrower
than we can imagine.
Beyond the scope
of our physical world
remains
an infinite realm
where our minds
and hearts
fear to tread.
If we were to step
through such
ancient doors
would we accept
the visions
we would see?
Could we?
Or would it all
be chopped up
to the hallucinations
of natures play
with our psyche?
We are no more
in control of this world
than the fish in the sea.



this modern life
running without
thinking without
living without
being without
breathing without
deaming without
doing without
results without
consequence without
reason or order.

Man The Ramparts

sea
the tides
turn to us
and then
pull back
to the sea.
it always
goes back
and forth.


thoughts on tonights conversation
one day
our present
will be seen
by others
as some sort
of defining cultural
moment where
we took control
of our art and
our world.
until that day
comes to pass,
we toil on
as mad fools
creating art
from the
wrecks
we call our
lives.


self-centered
if it were not
for people like us
the arts
would have died
a long time ago.
if it were not
for people like us
the present would
be just like the past.
if it were not
for people like us
everything
would be like
frozen amber.



this will destroy me
draw me close to your lips
then feed me with your breath.
take my hand
and lead me to your bed.
draw me close
so i can hear your heart beat.

In Time

In Time
everything
becomes beautiful again,
everything
learns
to live again.
In Time
we see
how beautiful
it has always been

throwaway

sameness
good days
bad days
they're all
the same.
what matters
is the
experience
of living
no matter
what
anyone
else might
say.


between yesterday and today
we might
be at odds
some of the time
over what
we are doing
but
it won't matter
too much
afterwards
because
this is
what we
need to do
now.



tu y yo y la mota
tomorrow night
might be a repeat
performance
of another
night we have had
recently
but that is ok
because
we will both
be far too
out of our minds.

Disintegrate and Coalesce

dedicated to all those in transition



noticing the obvious
the cycle continues
through every life
through all points
in time.
the pattern is the same
until you look
at the details
which make every
occurrence new.
everything
is destroyed
and everything
is rebuilt
time
and
time
again.


A4(ism)
we are at the mercy
of this life
until we see
how much
is in our hands
to wield
and shape.


una pregunta
did you let
that beautiful
part of you die
when life
crushed those
dreams?
no one has lived
until they let go
of that pain
and see the
path then
revealed.


hard lessons
falling in love
and then having
ones heart
broken
is one of the
best things
that could happen
to anyone.
to know love
of the body
and spirit
and to know
that even
when those are
broken, that
the essence
inside survives.


(un)necessary
pain feeds the birth of art
but is not a prerequisite
although it does help.

Mourn This Now

dead fire
the fire
has burned itself
out.
all the years of
life
and shadow
now only
a memory
of ash.
the smoldering
embers
die slowly
as the ground
waits
to be reborn.

relationship
a passing illusion
is all we have ever
been.
now
even that
is gone.

Head For The Shallow

famous street
it must be so easy
when you've got the look
that everyone wants,
that everyone thinks
is in.
life doesn't look as
pretty as you do most
of the time.
do not confuse
this for hatred
or dislike
cause this is neither.
i have a feeling both of our
efforts will get two
separate types of people.
who cares and
what does it matter anyway?
it doesn't because
we are traveling two
very different roads
towards the same place.



the sound of big business
this is what i want,
this is what i need.
this is the life force
that feeds the madness
and ambition inside.
if not for these brave
men you could be forgiven
for thinking that music
had completely lost
its bite and balls.
i'd much rather go down the dark
avenue of big business
than the empty promise
of mulholland drive.



"What could go wrong? Let me count the number of ways..."



i'm not interested in what you are
saying as much as
what you are doing.


H.A.F
I don't think i have ever
let my mind and body
indulge in such a way
as we did that night.
that explains
why i was so sore
the following day.


"take my advice don't come any closer. don't you come any closer you're giving us all away."

you gotta make it happen

don't think too much
it can be simple
to do hard things
if you don't
over think it
and just do it.
such a simple
thing to say
and so much
harder to do
you might say
but have you
ever given it
a shot?


breaking silence
i am glad
we spoke today
for the first
time in almost
three months.
i was worried
that it would be
awkward
after so long and
especially after
how we left off
that night.
it's good to know
it's ok and
that tomorrow
we'll get to see
each other again
my old friend.


less talk
too much ambition
can be a bad thing
but only if you do
nothing about it
except talk talk
talk. fortunately
that is not the case
with me. action backs
up everything i say.
no more
blah
blah
blah
only
action.


its ok, really.
get frustrated
its ok
as long as you can
see that
there is always more
beyond that if you
are ready
and willing
to move past it.
don't be a greedy
or selfish child.
you are better than
that. we are in this
together and
need to make it
work with
a united front.

Stop Falling So I Can Stand

asi es.
between a controlled
demolition
and an uncontrolled
one
is an obvious
and large difference.
between
flying off the handle
and understanding
carries
an equal amount
of difference.
bad vibes
dictate too much
and cloud reason
and judgement.
greater good?
some times
i wonder
if you get it at all.



actreaction
its not the end of the world
so stop acting like it is
all the fucking time.


into
its all falling
falling
into place.
its all falling
falling into
place.
if you can
can
if you can
open those
blind
open those
blind eyes
you would
see
see that
it is all
falling
falling
into place.


met
let the metronome
be your
heart beat.
perfect time,
it would be in perfect
time with
mine.


divider
stop cutting me apart
so i can keep it together
stop cutting me apart
so i can keep it together
take that knife out
so i can put it in
take that knife out
so i can put it in
you too.

Something Elusive Temporarily

one of those days
from time to time
you can sense
a change
before it happens.
perhaps
specifics are hard
to come by
but there is
a stirring in
the bones
that you know
to be true.
there is no choice
but to act
with the change
as it comes to you
ready to charge
through.


Q & A
am i a foolish man?
i don't like to
answer questions
like that
about myself.
i find myself
wondering now
about that question.
sitting here,
waiting,
letting life pass me by.
some days
i am so consumed
by the rushing moments
that i neglect
to bask in both
solitude and thought.
know thyself?
i am trying.



un recuerdo
i can still smell you
on my clothes.

i can still feel
your touch.


i can still
see us.

i can still
imagine those moments.

i can still
live with it.

we are passing continents.

para mi primo mario
primo,
com has estado?
no recuedro la ultima
ves que yo te vi.
yo te espero
aqui hasta que
regreses
del pueblo
donde viene
nuestra sangre.
quisas un dia
nos regresariamos
a nuestra tierra
juntos.



"If I Give You Sugar Will You Give Me Something Elusive Temporarily?"
- Ladytron

A Request

A Request
sometimes
you just need to
ask for certain things.
i may not always
be the most
observant man
and some times
i need a reminder
to get me
in the right direction.
some times
my words fail me.
some times
i am more awkward
than i would like
but i will always
be the me i know
how to be when
you see me.
i cannot promise
some unending devotion
or some romantic myth
that the movies
have sold to us
but i can tell you now
that i will try to be the
good man i know i can be
when i see you around.
i'll make you laugh when i can
and hopefully you'll laugh
cause you'll think it's funny.
let's not over think
this too much but
let us take this
one sweet night
at a time.

A Night At The Rainbow Room

A God Who Is A Man
last night
was like most nights
spent out in pursuit
of late night living.
our final destination
was one of infamy.
not so much for the place
as much as for the man
who can be found there.
he is someone mythologized
and respected
for having made it so long
living his life in the only way
he has seen fit to live.
we walk in and see him at a table
outside with a few women.
we go inside to the crushing sound
of words enabled by alcohol
and the heat of so many
bodies all pressed against each other
hoping to absorb some of the
magic of years gone by on
this famous street.
the wreckage of the last few decades
of musicians could be found here
in an overabundance.
we milled about until we found
a space where we could converse.
soon enough
the lights came on and last call
was announced.
we walk outside
and see this god
talking to a different woman.
the two of them just sitting there
speaking like any other pair of people there.
we make leave down the street
and enter the few remaining
businesses open at this late hour.
we share some history which has led to
that present moment.
on the way back to our car
who do we see heading in the same
direction as we?
the god.
he was now by himself
walking across the street.
he walked by us
and then down that side street
all by himself,
disappearing into the night
no more a god but merely
a man
just as human as we.

the faithless faithful

another night at the abattoir
my heart does not wander.
if you have that then
you have the whole of my soul.
my body is a whore
that goes to the places
it pleases.
these days
i give my heart to no one
except the one person
who does not want it.
so do not worry about me.
this is nothing new.


fictive future of a fictive past
i cast coins
to tell
of the possible
future that
awaits me.
as i looked
it told me
nothing
i did not
already know.
perhaps
the future and i
are already in
agreement.
then i rolled over
as the dance
began.

those who know and those who are going to know

it is not always
as it seems.
sometimes
it's worse.



we hold each other close
because no one else
will hold us so tight.


i am not scared
but i am worried.
i am waiting
for the things
which i know
i should be
acting upon.


in love
or
in Love?



careful where you let your heart tread
for the life you destroy
may not be your own.


guilty parties sometimes
feel no remorse
for what they have wrought.



deer hearts

If I Love You

first person p.o.v
i don't know
how i stay alive sometimes.
at certain moments
i don't feel like i am the one
that is living my life.
at those times it almost feels
like i am another being
getting a first person
perspective on
the life of a man.
watching and moving with him
through the course of the days
and hearing his thoughts
at every turn.
it is a strange thing.
from what everyone says
this seems to be
how life always is.


dream by day
i daydream about
the things
that my mind wishes
it could manifest
in a moment.
traveling to new
places that i have always
desired or simply
returning to
a much simpler time
in my life.
the simple times
have not always been so
and even when they were
there was always
something else
in the way.


new advice i've heard.
it is not how much education you have
it is how hard you work.
at least that is what i've been hearing lately.


cold feet
my feet
are cold.
that could be
because i have
failed to
put on any
shoes or socks,
compounded
by the fact
that my floor
is all tile.
my feet are cold
and that has
nothing
to do with you
at all.


exhausted bastard
as tired and worn
as i may have been
last night when i got home
it was still very hard
for me to shut off
my mind and let myself
go to sleep.
that is always very
disconcerting to me.
sometimes on those nights
i think the only reason i sleep
is because my body
physically needs it
more than anything else
no matter what my mind
may be up to.

Don't Die While You're Alive

Former Titles
we have known each
other for so long
that maybe
we misstepped
and now certain
terms for each other
are now outmoded
between us
since the bond has
become something
else altogether.
perhaps its dissolved
or we have just gone
down different avenues
by accident or on purpose.
our former term for
each other is now to be buried.
Friend.



some advice
disappointment happens
but the important thing
is to not let it always
bury your heart
and hopes
beneathe its weight.

brief sounds and beautiful certainty

you
when you are sick
i think about you
and how i wish i
could be there
at your side.



placed/falling
the pieces
can't always
be allowed
to fall into
place.
the rest of
the time
they must
be put
there
carefully
by hand
one piece
at at time.



we are one
when we are
together.



pretty girls
i took
the spark
which you gave me
and made it
into a fire
that has lit
my path
ever since
that day.


tonality
the only thing
better than hearing
such a beautiful
sound is being
inside
creating it.

You've Got To Be Crazy

5 initials
i shoot back and forth
between
emotional extremes
when i think about
the path i am pursuing
with those
at my side.
i am always
concerned
and always trying
to look out for them
as i hope they
are looking out for me.
we are in a place
where we will
be climbing uphill
for the foreseeable
future.
as long as i have them
there shoulder
to shoulder
with me
i think
that perhaps
we can do this
together.


unity in distance
to create
we must live.
to live
we must
be apart.
we must take
all our hearts
desires
and our body's
experiences
and give voice
to all of it
through
word and
meter.


bastard heart
my heart
yearns for you.
it thinks,
it knows
that you are the only
perfect fit for us.
the body may cheat
but the heart
has always been
faithful
to you.



midnight dearest
hearing you
weakened
voice
coming through to me
on the phone
made me want
to reach out
to you
and put you
in my arms and
just feel
your warmth
and hope
that my touch
can heal you.

You Can't Keep Living Like This

you can't keep living like this.
this isn't so bad
but it's not that good
either.
the security
is nice as you
can imagine
but it does wonders
for killing a potential
late night encounter
when that's all
you have on your mind
at that time.
living like a grown child
is not the way you should
be. you know better
than this.
be the man
you keep saying
you know you are.
until then
you won't know for sure.



each end
we occupy
opposite ends
of the same spectrum.
on my end
i wish i could have
the security
and comfort
of a home and spouse
to call my own.
of a job with
health benefits
and a steady income.
it sounds like some
kind of
nightmarish dream
come true for
so many of you.
my life is set
in shifting tides of sand
and i wander where i may
and let life unfold
into the kaleidoscope
which we all know it to be.
i am poor
i live like a dog
i worry about money
i worry that i may never find that great love
(or perhaps i already let it slip by)
i worry that the art i make will fall
on deaf ears
i worry that all my effort is for naught
i worry that maybe i have thrown my life away
i worry that i have accomplished nothing
i worry that maybe i will die alone.
so perhaps your end of the spectrum
is not so bad in light of all these things,
but if i carry on with all of it
to its' conclusion
then maybe
just maybe
i will outlive you all
in endeavor.


we would be fools if we believed that everything will always turn out alright.



factism
ambition must be tempered
with work and talent
to succeed.
that hasn't stopped
most hacks
from fame
and wealth.
so don't let it
deter you.


factism 2
money
and the pursuit of
material wealth
is what will
destroy the many
because
of the few.

It's A Lazer Lazer Lazer Love

re(create)-e(+ion)
sense and reason
have no real place
when it comes to
creating art it seems.
this is not always true
though it seems to be
as much more often
than not.
finding a middle ground
between creativity
and objective
clarity is difficult
to obatin but is
not in the realm
of impossibility.


piece by piece
the day demands
everything from us
at all times.
instead of giving in
and giving it all
in one fell swoop
we must parcel
it out bit by bit
to make sure
we don't give
ourselves
away completely.



in places where the heart echoes quietly
i would travel
across the sea
to find
the clarity
i have been
missing over here.
then again
it might not be any
different from this.
or it could be
everything
i've dreamed of
and more.
tasks remain
to be done
here
before anything
else
can be
explored.

I See A Light In Your Dark Eyes

those back home
trouble
seems to stalk
all of us from
time to time.
hearing about
some family
back in
the home country
reminded me
of this fact.
it gets us for a little
while, then
takes off
for elsewhere.



mnemonic
we are passing
through similar
coordinates
at different times.
thoughts are
shared or
exchanged through
these unseen
psychic means.
i guess
that when
the moment
comes
it will be
all the more
enjoyable.



tard and feathered.
tomorrow night
at this time
i will be pacing
about
as i am wont
to do on
the occasion.
waiting in
nervous
anticipation
to do that
which
gives release
to everything
on the
inside.


something uncle mario said
death is coming
so
you might as well
spend
all that money
you
have sitting in
your
savings account.
no
use leaving it
all
for those who
could
care less.

Fault Lines

algo para mi mama y papa
no fue nada que hicieron.
las ninas
estan viviendo
sus vidas.
no han madurado
y eso se puede ver
muy facilmente.
en tiempo
van a ver
los erores
de sus vidas.


current events
its so easy
to get caught up
with your own
problems
concerns
worries
hopes
dreams
that you
can lose
sight of
those around
you
with out
meaning to.
the trick
is to take
those blinders
off periodically
and make sure
everyone is
holding on
tight and
ok.


from somewhere i can't recall
i've been in love
and
i've been in lust
and i've grown
wise enough
to say that
i know
the difference
between
the two.


Tyler
i won't fail you
little brother.
i'll be the brother
you need
in the ways
i was not
when i was
younger
toward
our other
siblings.

Rani Rayha

a little
it is
but
then again
it isn't
always.
but
when
it is
then
always
sometimes
isn't.



not tonight
dear
but maybe tomorrow.



a void filled
love is not for me.
it is a thing
that i have always
wanted to believe.
i have filled
the empty spaces
with something
else to keep me
whole.


defeatist
if you think
you could love me
then perhaps
you just don't
know me
well enough
yet.


recluse
when you
stay inside
for hours at a time
trying to get
your body
and mind back
it is easy
to let both
play tricks
on you

Starless and Bible Black

a less than morning
feels like
my throat
is ripping itself
apart bit by bit
as the night time
hours have passed
in progression
to this early morning.
so i sit here now
wide awake
with that ache
growing inside
of me.


Passive Aggressive Assholes Are Still Better Than Regular Assholes
passion by its very definition
will have some amazing
results but always runs the risk
of misinterpretation.
all i expect from you
is only that which i expect
from myself.
nothing more
nothing less.
there is nothing
in that statement
that can be misunderstood.
i will quit before
you do.
that is a fact.



all i want to do
is sleep away
the pain in my body
and wake up
at a new day.



this chill is freezing me
as the dawn
makes itself
seen once more.

P.A.A. Part II
passive
aggressive
asshole?
better that
than whatever
the alternative
may be.
lets not point fingers
cause
neither of us
is free from
mistakes.
i will always admit mine.
remember
my words are never
out of malice to you.
i would no sooner
raise my hand
to strike you
than i would
do that
with
my
words.



blind faith dreaming idiots run the risk of failure and success
if you do not follow
the blind passion
that fuels you
then you are just a
little bit less
complete than
you hope to be.
if you have let
your parents,
your friends,
and life discourage
you from the calling
of your heart
then you are more
dead than
those
who lie in wait
in the ground.

"sad paper courtesan, they found him just a man."


fuck art, fuck artists
there is no real glamor
in a pursuit that is so
off putting to so many
though the many
may love to hear
the fruits
of those works.


knock knock and try not to stutter
sometimes
there is nothing better to do
than to just sit
here typing away
in peace and quiet
when the onslaught
of the coming days
stands knocking
patiently at my door.


#####
lets get back to one
or barring that
then two.



dear old man,
you are dead old man
and i have seen
where you rest
these days.
i could sleep all
day at your grave
and think that
maybe i could dream
all those dreams
you no longer can
for you as i lie there
waiting and searching
for answers
from a clear blue sky.


dicho
it is always a foolish mistake
to place your faith in either
man or religion.

Keeping It Brief

Earl Grey
pour me some
hot water
into a cup
and let the
tea bag
steep
for just a bit.
bring the cup
up to your lips
and blow away
some of the warmth
and take a sip
of the purest
good
one can
bring
into
themselves.



maybe together
we can blot out
the sun

Dreams Are Just Lies The Heart Believes

because i do
why should i care
what you do?
i probably
shouldn't
but i do.
don't drag
me down
when i'm trying
to pull you
up with me.



easy
we work
on our words
and let them
stream forth
in a torrent
of expression
at the end of
our dreary day.


present tense description
do you think
i've given up
on you
and moved on
to someone else
with my
philandering
heart?
i haven't
and i wonder
how you are.


a certain situation



dreams are just lies the heart believes

Destroy Me, I Dare You.

"Life Is Suicide." - Me.



"Reality is grossly overrated." - Joe Nolte



not so random speculation
This is what i want.
you know this
and i know this.
perhaps that is why
this is so hard
and terrifying.
the fact there could be
a threat to it
from within
is nerve wracking to
no end.
personal choices are
just that.
in some cases
they end up
having repercussions
far greater
than any individual
could have known.
i am speculating
but it seems like
these speculations
are valid.
i would rather do this
than anything else.
don't do this to me.


give lust a chance
all i could think of
was you last night.
from the moment
i saw you walk by
me i couldn't help
but want to possess
you in every way
all last night
and this morning.
i'm sure i will see
you again tonight.
but perhaps the moment
has passed
and someone else
will be there
in your place
or perhaps not.

"he blew his mind out in a car, he didn't notice that the lights had changed."
- The Beatles, A Day In The Life from Sgt. Peppers Lonely Hearts Club Band


perhaps life is getting ready for lift off
after all of these years.


now
the time to jump
over the edge into no mans land
has come.
there is no bottom
there is no net
there is nothing
but falling
and making the best of it.




"i don't wanna hear it" - Minor Threat



cold feet on a cold morning is no way to start the day.

an inanimate thank you
couch you've been good to me
on all those nights
when i would fall asleep
dead drunk on you
as my entire body
was filtering out
the poison i had so willingly
put into it in such quantity.
now i fall asleep on you
dead tired when it's late as hell
and driving would be suicide.
thanks couch.



when everything wrong is right
all our love is empty.
all our fears fully grounded.
everything beautiful turns
ugly and dead.
the strongest
are the weakest
after all.
all suspect motives
fully warranted.
all your words
nothing but passing wind.
all you gazes empty.
all truth
rendered impotent.
all monkeys
have gone
to heaven.


dead and relative.


THROUGH
if you push me
you will see
i will not surrender
to you
and your future mistakes.
never forget
that i love you.
but if you force it upon me
i will have no choice
but to say and act out
this statement:

"The Only Way Out Is Through."

just saturday

this saturday
this is
one of those days
that is meant to be
burned away.
not every moment
has to be filled
with pure
unadulterated excitement.
there needs to be
quiet moments
to let the body
and mind
gather its spent pieces
and bring them
to semblance once more.
the calm repose
is more than welcome
after some of these days.


throw away piece
i am
trying
and i am seeing
some results.
time to
batten down
the hatches
and sail
full speed
into the
unknown.


some thing i have noticed
the problem
with everyone i know
is we are all
still waiting to grow up
in some way or another.
when i see those faces
i don't see adults,
i see the same kids
and teenagers
that we were
almost ten years ago.

greedy
greed is by no means a virtue
but it is something
we all share in someway.
whether lusting for
the unattainable flesh
or for wealth without end
there is something
we would horde like
the robber barons of old.

Listening to you in Still Corners

don't let me break your heart.
i am not as good as you may
make me out to be.
i don't want to be the one
you cry yourself to sleep over.



clockworksong
your voice
lures my heart in
and soon
my soul
follows suit.
with the beat
floating in midair
and the organ
spiraling
in between
sounds
which surround
the dreams
now in space.
keep
singing,
keep
playing
for me
all of
this
night.
let there
be no
dawn
so this
may last
forever.


disappear
i am losing
parts
of myself
but i am
more than ok
letting
those parts go.

Forever For Never

5am bedtime
we are a family
by conscious choice.
we fight,
we argue,
we get angry,
we might yell at each other
but that is only some of the time.
we may be fraught
with these problems
but we are more than that
to each other.
we love each other,
we are friends,
we support each other,
we drink,
we laugh,
we share meals,
we share hopes
and a common dream.
that more than makes up
for everything else.
we will always
be balancing
between extremes
but that is how
it should be.
at least we know
we will never
be bored.




if there were no music
there would be no soundtrack
to our dreams.



better now than never.

Past Lives

Past Lives
i listened to the old songs
we used to play
in years past
and i didn't feel nostalgic.
it was more a feeling
of being a different person
at a different time.
i guess thats what it really is.
we have changed and moved on
to what we have now.
i think it's far better
than what we did then.
we are older,
a little wiser
and more adventurous.
it is excruciating sometimes
but i would not trade
you or
what we are doing now
for anything else.


not a fortune teller
i am not attempting
to predict the future
between you and me.
i would much rather
take it night by night
and phone call by
phone call to see
where we might go.


building/steam/grain/salt
it is not all random.
there is order
and deliberate
action to all
of this.


how to be happy in one easy step
stop caring
about the emptiness
that is most of
modern life
and learn to care
about the things
which matter.

the mortality sequence

flaxseed eyes


future tense
i went to your funeral today
and couldn't help
but feel a little
better inside
knowing the fight
was over now
as they lowered
you into the ground.
it wouldn't have mattered to me
what the weather would
have been like today.
if it had been beautiful
and bright or overcast
and rainy,
it would have still ended
with watching
that casket
get lowered
6 feet closer to
the heart of our world.
there was crying,
some sad laughter
at the silly moments
and memories
that were now
the flame
of you
burning inside
those tearful hearts.
i make no promise
except one
to honor
your memory,
to live as best i can
until my turn
to get lowered
6 feet down
comes along.


you're getting old man
25 isn't old
but it's not
exactly young
now either.
it's another number
added to the original sum.
its another year
being subtracted
from the final
total
which is the
unknown variable
that will show itself
only in time.


surrender?
all your friends
have surrendered
to life and its
easy promises.
will you give in
in time
or will you
fight those words
until it has to
come to the ultimate
end?

Part Time Office Jobs In Hell

the rules
balance is everything.
never be too kind.
never be too angry.
do not deny emotion
but
do not suppress it
either.
to be on one extreme
or the other for
too long
is fly off into the other
at a moments notice.
these are not rules
as much as suggestions
and they are
made to be
malleable.



part time office jobs in hell
if i wanted to go
down the easy path
of life
i would have
done so
by now.
almost all
my old friends
have done as much.
i do not begrudge them
for there is nothing
to begrudge about.
i have made
what i am sure many
would call the fools choice.
this fools choice however
has been rewarding
and punishing
in equal amounts.
that will to create,
to express
and to live
outside of the norms
sold to us our whole lives
is what drives me.
for better,
for worse
it is where i am at.
have fun at the office,
i have things
to create and
moments
to live.


make sense of it.
there is no sense
of superiority,
only humbleness
inside.
we all know what is best
for ourselves
through contrary
action.

watt and baiza
i would have to say
that those two men
are good examples
of how to live life
by your own rules
and never,
ever settling for
anything less than
your dreams
and expectations.
if you can't see that
in them,
then you have less sight
than a blind man.

3 away

node tails for you.
last night
was pretty draining
in the ways
that good nights
should be draining.
a hot heavy air
in a small
space
as the rain falls.
such are the things
the living do
to remember
the importance of life.


another night in pedro
conversation between
those of my generation
and those from the recent past
always make me think
that things were so much
better, more exciting
and interesting.
i am sure they were not.
those who were not
romanticize
the poverty
of creative
youth living
on the fringe.

end piece
i would write more
but my mind
is failing
my hands
as one attempts
to work as
the other
attempts
to rest.there is
no satisfying the two.

writing in a fit of hopefulness

allofus
it's a funny thing
to pin your hope
on something
or someone.
it is all we can do
and we will do it
time and again.
through the
falling rain
and the
scorching sun,
from here
to eternity.


life sustained from the ground on up.
purify the ground
by scorching it.
bring the harvest
with the rain
soaking the soil.


dinner plans
pure nerves
and anxiety.
unlike so many
recent times
this is for
purely
good reasons.


because of the invisible medium
did we get it right this time around
by pure random chance?
it will be amazing
if that turns out to be the case.
this world has a way of
surprising you in the ways
you least expect when.


lessons
i will learn this time
from everything i have done before.
i was younger then
than now.
one learns much
after being alone
for so long.

Load Bearing Darkness

not this time
you come knocking
on my door
after being invited
so many times
and never coming by.
now
you expect me
to let you in
when you come by
unannounced
at my door?
i think not.
now,
stop ringing my
doorbell.



your velvet
gloved hand
goes every place
that feels
pleasure.



perfection is boring.
beauty without
flaw is
ugly.
glory without
struggle
is empty.
fame without
love
is useless.
music without
soul
is noise.
laughter without
cause
is madness.
reason without
logic
is pointless.
money without
charity
is heartless.
life without
end
is cruel.
me without
you
is what i now need.

change
for the first time
in as far as i can remember
when we were speaking on the phone
i was thinking of a person
that wasn't you
and how much i would rather
talk to her
than you
at that moment.

looing forward to friday

your bedroom walls
i don't feel so
anxious right now
knowing that
there is someone
like you
in my life
at the moment.
in fact,
this might be
the most
at ease
i have felt in such
a long,
long
time.


over it
you have been
in my life
for so long.
after so much
wishing,
hoping,
dreaming
that we could
be more than just
what we have been.
i think that maybe
i have run my course
with you
in my heart.
i haven't
felt so relieved
in such a long time.

First One Down The New Rabbit Hole

get it in your head
it would have
happened by now
if you had
wanted it to.
that is not conjecture.
that is fact.
standing by
watching the evening
unfold
it becomes all too
apparent
about where
we stand.
no one
is to blame.
there is nothing
to be blamed about
except
the stubborn
heart that has
refused
to be ignored.


HEAVEN IS NO PLACE FOR A DEAD MAN


the Bad Brains said it best, cause i'm moving, i'm moving on. cause i'm sailing, i'm sailing on
and on and on.....


doppelganger
two were where
there was but one before.
one a lost cause
fought for over the years.
the other was a new
proposition
that i wanted to conquer
for one night.
all in all
any of it
would have been a fools
pursuit.
how often
that is the case
i would rather
not know.


new years resolutions
are for people with
out the strength
to make a choice
and stick with it
without need
for symbolic
rebirth
when it is just
one more day
in the life
of our world.


catch a cold in the hottest desert
the world has shown
me many things.
now in my own
personal quest
has revealed even more.
some are truths
that i had not known
until i acted.
others are ones
that are heartbreaking
for no one but me.


Go
Ahead
and
Fail
Now
to
Save
Yourself
the
Time.


the difference between failure and success
is the amount of determination
one puts in their endeavors.
even failure can be defined
as success if growth and change has been achieved.


confucious ain't got shit on me.

this is
like a mental stockpile
being emptied out
as fast as possible
before
it goes away.
better to do it when
it is fresh
than trying to force
words together
that want nothing
to do with you.


if you believe you know the truth
then you are sadly mistaken.
it is never quite as easy
or as obvious as you may think.


i suppose i am merely
lamenting my past and present failures
with someone i should have
forgotten a long time ago.


melted wax
for a few moments
in an all too fleeting night
all eyes and ears were there
focused on those sounds.
driving them with my actions
and having to say nothing.
now it is morning
and it is cold
and as removed from those moments
as reason is from our age.


Every Party You Have Ever Been To.
every body
plays a part
in a tapestry of
conscious desire
and biological imperative.
our problems and misunderstandings
as human beings
all stem from
our mental self awareness
and the base needs of biology.
the two can never
seem to be reconciled.



i walk on broken glass and i walk on dying kings.


to any new comers:
you don't know
what kind of heart ache
you are getting
yourself into.


self aware
why bother with the past?
because its tendrils have not loosened
their grip on my heart and mind.
but i must be a good gardener
and cut them away
in order
to continue to grow.


Song Bird
sorry i missed your call.
i would rather have spent the rest
of the night somewhere else
alone with you
than any one else
that i was with last night.
only because
you have been a breath of
fresh air to me
in a time when
perhaps
i need it the most.