tried

can you tell yourself that at the end of the day

does the mirror show you what you wish to see

or do you avoid it altogether
______________________

I tried i really tried with you I tried as hard as I could and it was nothing nothing nothing nothing at all just
words that have emptied just nothing nothing at all what a waste of time what a selfish bastard I have been
just nothing no one selfish asshole get it off your chest just say it out loud type it over and over and over until the words run together until they don't make sense until meaning is meaningless thin lines border our lives into compartments much easier to understand our madness is our its relatable to the lonely mind when you go and try to understand the frayed wires of someone else's logic expect nothing more than an electrical burn you won't do that again can you trust yourself and what is the self good fucking riddance is that what I want to believe is that truth what objective reality can exist when this subjective nature colors everything a blinding red I give up not on me on you the final disappointment to end all overs no big deal big deal none at all nothing at all just pouring out nonsense just feeling the keys run quick just need to deal just need to find what is real or hologram even the dead are no longer sacred to us anymore just what I need just what I need to hear to see to feel to touch a lifetime of love denied or spurned by myself I am babel I am language upon language cast off onto the earth never able to speak to my brothers my sisters that creation was the ultimate act of division I've lost the words I tried to find duplicitous plicity I don't believe that is even a word just keep going what else is there to do with your idle time the boredom that bores you the boredom that nurtures you into a stupor of the mind and a stupor of the senses when enough poison fills you as to render you senseless and unfeeling an escape of need an escape due to weakness I am more frail than I let my guilty hands my sinning mind I can't profess faith but I cannot disavow I can't decide I don't want to decide on the strangeness that is our lives I can't hide my disappointment in god but it's not his fault god is neither man nor woman god is a label we gave to the forces we cannot understand
the forces we will never comprehend our fear of death will always motivate our actions and hopes we stand facing a ceaseless chasm of fear that is only a mirror stare out into the ocean late at night and it will move into an eternal state of darkness if there is no moon to shine above but it is there, the moon that is, because the tides move tethered to her hands ebbing flowing coming going I have tried and so has god and what more can I expect for this deity creation is stranger than we can imagine we just choose to ignore it and do so at our peril run run run run run take your own advice and just run run run run how good it feels how great it is to escape how tied we are to the wheel is it of our choosing what joy can we create from our pain what is the purpose to art to this divine creation I find nothing i look for nothing I correct no mistakes there are none can you read this are you reading this am I paying any attention to my fingers right now or have I let them run amuck amuck a mic laugh a little don't cry but let yourself if you have to you will eventually but you won't know when it will just be and then just let it be let it be be yourself let yourself be be humble set yourself into the world correct your errors and if you can't learn don't grow bitter must you always remind yourself of this find love or don't or let it find you don't worry or worry all the time find the joy in each day become a cliche buy a home with a white picket fence go to church stay within the margins of the line and never ever write a page length of free writing thats no good.

Unpredictable

Is it out there looking for me?

Is it out there looking for you?

Is it out there at all?

They say you won't know

until you do

even then

how do we know?

Why does it take its time?

What schedule does it keep?

Does it reach everyone?

Does it forget some?

Does it see someone and leave?

Sometimes we think we see

it from the corner of our eyes

only to follow a false belief.

Are you out there

I'm asking you

Grasping wind

I wait

wondering if we

will ever meet.

the Poetic Anti-Effect.

The Sum Result of a Decade

As students of history


we cannot pretend 


to be surprised


at the outcome.

You can see the movement of time


in the heavy hands of the clock's 


face.

It is much easier to ignore the present

until you have to deal with it.

Hard Stop

what matters

Matters

what doesn't

Doesn't

***

divide the world

with lines

unite the world

with an eraser

***

a nagging mind

has much to say

when you are

ready to listen

***

a period marks

the end of this

thought

If memories were amber

which would you keep

which would you give away?

A Memory From My 9th Year

Smoke wafted from neighborhoods to the sky.
Cameras could only watch anger boil,
furious voices screaming for something.
Doors opened, feet ran out into the street.

Did they find what they were looking for then?
War came home to everyone on those days.
Sleep came uneasily as it crept near.
We couldn't go to school, we just waited.

Awaking from the nightmare, I peered out,
finding nothing but quiet streets and ash.
What was there for me to know about it?
Hollow store eyes told me everything.

Old scars cannot be forgotten quickly.
We bear them with us the rest of our lives.

Who?

you

are

bea

uti

ful.

This city is in my blood.

My life has been filled 


with many problematic 


goodbyes.

Commuter

Stretch and a yawwwwwnnnn

Bathroom for pee and a shower

She's already making breakfast in the kitchen

Kids are getting dressed

Get out, towel off, shave, put on work clothes

Rally round the table a few moments together

Kiss her goodbye 

The carpool has come to pick up the kids

Get in the car 

Rush hour is waiting

What will the radio be saying today?

To A Future Audience

Burning numbness infects reason easily.

Cold-eyed stare from an ever present voyeur,

judging silently and unseen.

The seer and the unaware, 

a relationship marked by uneven exchange.

Reciprocity is a word almost too long for a breath,

our shared tongue is drowning in a deluge

of newspeak and double-think.

Enlightenment was far too brief

an era in our shared history. 

The Assault

They arrive with the sound of a thousand footsteps

all marching to different beats. The first moments

are the heaviest as they spread across every surface.


Their effect can be measured by the mark on every

exposed inch. They collect into pools and puddles,

strategizing their next move.


Reinforcements arrive after the first wave has eased,

the bombardment intensifies as eyes peek from behind

slatted windows, safely hidden from their assault.


Suddenly, without warning, silence. The troops

on the ground are left behind, some left to dissipate,

others taken hostage to be dealt with later.


Eyes peek through the windows once more,

the scene changes, the air is cleansed. Lungs breathe

deep, a reminder of an ancient covenant emerges.

Oracle Incarnate

Words appear as curves and shapes,

colors emerge into familiar shades.


Words take voice, their tone

paints a wholeness to you.


Warmth fills me, painted eyes blink,

a thought fills my mind-


they would have worshipped

you at Delphi.

Late Night Run

I saw God leave the liquor store last night,

it was one-thirty in the morning.

The Almighty seemed a little tired,

but who isn't at that hour?


His left hand was wrapped around

the handle of a bottle in a brown

paper bag. I wondered

what he had picked up?


A fifth of Whiskey?

Gin perhaps?

Maybe some Vodka?

Or a biblical favorite, some wine.


It took him a moment to find

the right key for the door.

He slumped in and slammed

it close. The engine sputtered.


He was on his way, but to where?

Where does God need to be

at one-thirty in the morning?

Theologians would say it's a mystery.

Father, Please Forgive Me

crippled feet uselessly attached

to hips, torso

God

God

God

GOD


your name sounds ridiculous

when said over and over

when said in grief

when said in pain

when said in need

said over and over again

why must i beg

father

father

please

forgive me

God

Right/Wrong

Sometimes to learn what is right
we must commit a whole lot of wrong.

Polar Regions

polar ice fractured

floating away from glacial regions

you watch the cracks occur

the sound of white thunder splitting

dividing a passing whole

these shards float to warmer regions

freshwater dissipates into

a sea tinged with salt

drops in a bucket

Beauty found me.

Pop Bottle

shake up a bottle of pop

loosen the cap

and watch the foam

ejaculate into air

and dribble fluid

down the glass curves. 

empty, it becomes useless.

Oh, Honey

plastic pick plucking strings,

a steady strum breaks out.

swaying like a reed in the breeze,

your heartbeat the metronome.

voice like rain, varying in intensity.

joyous relief,  joyous release,

an audience of one.

only this

nothing more

accept it

Everyday Ballet

Motion and velocity create a dazzling display
as we peer through glass. Restraints fix us 
firmly to the seat. If the unfortunate and 
unforeseen were to occur, would the pain
be any less? A constellation of fractured
prisms would populate the asphalt, a perfect
mirror of the heavens. What celestial body
would you be? Jupiter or Saturn, Mercury
or Mars? Sirens screeching ever closer.

Authorship

Populate my life with your words.


Fill the pages with your scrawl.


Tongue as pen, write.


Leave no blank space.

blossom

blooming flower of discomfort

fiery red petals spreading within

unseen visitor 

Filing A Report (An Excerpt)

Towards the end of human existence on earth

mankind had developed many specialized structures

in which to congregate for various predetermined

purposes. 

Some of the more common structures were rectangular

in shape or square. 

Though it was possible for individual human beings

to exist in solitude the vast majority found it 

exponentially more beneficial to live communities

of varying sizes. 

Some of the structures they would inhabit were 

large rooms that held rows of chairs for seating.

These seats were all pointed to the same direction,

a blank wall or screen. They would typically 

gather in these structures for the expressed purpose

of watching a series of images and sounds shown

in a sequential order. Why they chose to do so

is widely speculated upon because of our 

understanding of time and its illusory nature.

Humanity would gather in other buildings of a similar

nature that varied in having seating or an open

area in which they would gather. Much like the

previously mentioned structure the seats or 

empty space was situated in a way to guide

their attention to an area that was usually elevated

and was filled with other members of their species.

The members of their species would engage in 

various manner of entertainment for the delight

of those who had gathered. They would sing

or play musical instruments that produced

pleasing sounds or rhythms, very often these

sounds were amplified so as to be heard by 

all those gathered. other times the humans who 

were performing would act out scenes of fictional

situations in order to elicit emotional responses

such as sympathy or delight if something was

humorous. 

Of Kingdoms

colonies of ants populated by drones working moving
sifting collecting the individual is merely a cell in a larger
organism millions of small feet tramping the ground
with a collected purpose fear and hesitation are extinct
institutions their commutes stretch distances we could leap
across there is order there is purpose there is motion
with reason there is a unifying source to existence
it is a religion of the purest order a religion where
the only god is the god of propagation a furthering
of the state of existence a simple demand from simple
creatures worship and exalt the queen the goddess of
the temple the deity incarnate roman emperors could
not better the tribute she is paid a kingdom invisible
to all but those who inhabit it our kingdoms would be
alien to them but they persist in and through them
their empire will outlast the memory the earth will
hold of us their feet will march upon the ruins of
our capitals and kingdoms there will be no fanfare
just the ordered matter of business seeking
perpetual preservation

when things change

Plans change all the time.

A friend backing out of a trip.

Not being able to find an important document

on your desk that you need for a meeting.

Making a left hand turn at an intersection

you normally turn right at.

What do you do?

What can you do?

You become water.

The End of Our Kind

The ship is sinking 


and has caught fire.




No one knows where 


the lifeboats are.

Sensory Intake

So easy to rip, cut, and bruise.

A blanket for flesh,


a covering for a temporary vessel.

An experience of the world,


a movie palace built for one.

Camera's capture sensory detail


to an internal hard drive,

no back up provided.


No warranty

for the basic model,


a unique experience

is guaranteed.

Resurrections are often nothing more 

than a parlor trick for those aspiring 

to be a major figure of religious worship.

Is the measure of ones life the time we spent awake
or the time spent dreaming?
It is an important question, I assure you.

Language is too sacred

to leave fat words hanging round.

Somnus

Thinking out loud to no one in particular,
Charlie Parker blows his sax from beyond the grave
for my entertainment.

I travel backwards through a reverse chronology
and walk away unscathed from its sea.

What brings this state to be?

Somnus, I'm looking at you.

You kindness knows no bound
except for your delay at arriving
when you are most desired.

I don't look forward to meeting
your brother Thanatos.

Don't think I do not respect his work,
I would rather delay our introduction
as long as possible.

Your mother Nyx is a different story,
I've never met anyone as beautiful.
I have no problem seeing her as often as I do.

Bird met Thanatos too early,
so did many others,
but that is not your brothers fault.

Nyx has arrived.

Somnus, hasten your arrival,
we have much to discuss.

Winter and Summer can never be together.

Stop being beautiful.


No, please


don't.

What Beach Do You Find Yourself On?

Her arm was criss-crossed the same way
lanes of a freeway are by skidding tires.
Defensive sleeves kept questions at bay,
except for the questions about the sleeves.
She wouldn't show everyone her quiet smile,
I saw it more than once.

The end was a declarative sentence uttered
on a drive home. We don't have to be stranded
from a 6 hour tour to be castaways. Currents move
with unseen stealth. The seaweed never knows
what beach it will wash ashore on.

Beauty & Lies

Lies are beautiful in their elegance

but ugly in their intent.

Beauty & Lies

Lies are beautiful in their elegance

but ugly in their intent.

Ghost Advisory (Draft 2)

It is common knowledge that when

ghosts kiss a spectral anoma

-ly can be seen by those not yet

freed from the confines of a phys

-ical form. This phenomena

has been documented as balls

of light appearing in photo

-graphs with no other discerni

-ble light source. If there is a larg

-er confluence of ghosts kissing

in an area there may be

noticeable changes in wea

-ther and an upsurge in lightning.

____________________

Note: the original post can be found here at

http://thenoiseoftrouble.blogspot.com/2011/06/ghost-advisory.html

The End of Time

Time is a sandy beach spilt

upon my desk.


Cracked curves cut flesh,

best find the dust pan.


The amber ocean sits half

empty, a night since passed.


Time is swept up,

poured into the bin.

spill

the hose vomits water

into the plastic jug.

it drinks greedily,

a deep unending

thirst. water pools 

on the pavement,

the blood of life.

What Inspires Art?

don't think out loud people
will think you're an idiot
stand up straight
that slouch looks horrible on you
pretend it's fine
what's wrong with you anyway
this isn't art you know
god you suck
your father was right
you should go to church
you used to be such a good kid
stop being an idiot
dumbass
i don't get why you write
it's not any good
who do you think you are
you're nothing without a good job
what an ugly car you have
give up already
you used to be so fun
you're a goddamn drunk
I always knew you'd turn
out to be no good
ugh what a waste of time
you should just get it over with
no one could love you
love isn't real
someone has to tell you this
stop being such a fucking loser
did you think life actually gets better?

We Never Listen

Be careful who you fall in love with.

Your track record isn't that great,

neither is mine.

First things go last,

is that the secret to the pattern?


Everything is falling apart,


it's never been this bad.


No, it's always been this way.

The moon exerts its force on the seas,

your feline sense is always averse to water.

We believe every beautiful lie

and shy away from everything else.

I can't look at myself in the mirror

anymore, can you?

Standing at the edge of the world,


fall into it.

No longer are we content with the experience of life,

our tools have spurred a need within to preserve

the stuff of life in fear of our memory failing us,

in fear of missing a precious detail that would

enhance our lives in unimaginable ways.

Changing Experience

We watch each other through an invisible divide.

It is easier than calling or bothering to write a letter,

who would do that anyway?

We don't always like what we see as we sit in the

safety of a cloistered room.

The world comes to us.

Image as representation of reality,

does that really work?

We trade in facsimile.

A numbness creeps through our spirits

and we wonder how anyone could

live like this

and then we do.

Time evaporates 


quickly whether it's 


a hot day or not.

what do we call home (draft 2)

The screaming ambulance passes

mother and child at the crosswalk.

The illuminated lemon tree waits

quietly for the children wearing

backpacks on a school day. Cars

wait impatiently for them to pass.

Our neighbor stands in his driveway

bathed in gray sun. A police cruiser

stalks its prey near the dreary liquor

store across the street from the dirty

motel. The congested high-rise freeway

casts a permanent shadow on the street

below. Garish neon alerts passers-by of

the strip club near the intersection.

The abandoned hospital is now a movie

set. The film crew loiters on the sidewalk

as the nearby church remains unchanged.

Apartments surround the aging diner,

while the corpse of the mall decays

into slow ruin. Jets and private planes

fly back and forth like rock doves.

pairs

feral love
entropic life
random pairing
solstice sunrise
fevered rush
still movement
embittered hope
open chasm
close window
white walls
drifting thoughts
printed pages
plaintive voice
heart unstrung
traced outline
just fine
repeal time
quiet shout
swallow slowly
sleep quickly
placed movement
associated disorder
planned dissonance
half rectangle
pulped page
plastic bottle
list poem
only ceilings
crumbled walls
waking sleep
muttered wish
two tone
found words
lost thoughts
rampant splendor
easy exercise
flowing words
paired thoughts
random generation

Watching new skin


grow over


old flesh.

Don't/Do (a short one)

Don't give in to the forces that profess

creativity which are not found within.

Do trust in yourself.

L e a p s

There's one

                     here, and another one

there.

It's possible to set upon one and


l e a p

         onto a
                   nother.

Watch
before you do so.

R  e  a  c  h     o  u  t

if balance gets too shaky.

Keep finding,

keep leaping,

it's always just

                        one

right after

                the other.

Panthalassa

Every snow is fleeting.

All rain dissipates

or heads to a source.

Words from our tongues

cast memories

of love once professed,

now forgot.

An ocean,

a depth unimaginable,

distance too wide

to ever cross.

Self-Addressed (with Stamped Envelope)

I am writing this to you so that one day you might remember
what you were like. I have quite a bit of experience
in knowing your habits, attitudes and motivations.
By no means do I know everything about you,
but I know more than most people probably do.
You largely come across as a very likable,
and fairly well-spoken person.
Sometimes you speak softly and need to be
asked to speak louder, and more clearly.
When you put effort into your speech
you tend to have a refined sounding voice,
or at least thats what everyone has been saying.
From time to time you can be too eager to please.
That isn't an altogether bad characteristic to have,
just watch it, that's all I'm saying.
Be more assertive when you truly want something.
It doesn't matter if it's material or immaterial,
let the concerned party know what it is you want.
Try. Try often. Stop blocking your chances
of success on any front with your constant
parade of self-doubt that gradually evolves
into a dinosaur of inaction.
That has to be one of your worst qualities.
Try to listen. I know you think you listen a lot,
in all fairness, you do; but you can do better.
Move more. Get out from behind that desk,
get out from behind those light emitting screens
that you spend so much of your time behind.
Sure, it's entertaining, but life isn't meant
to be lived behind such gates.
Don't let yourself be constantly disappointed
in others or yourself.
If you're disappointed by something, or someone
look at why. Don't play that stupid blame game,
try to get to the heart of the matter.
Be more careful with your writing.
Think yours words out.
Make each like run, jump and scream
from the page! Don't be so fearful,
they're only words. Wield words as both
pen and sword. They truly carry the power
of both. Get over the past.
If you keep clinging to ghosts you will
eventually become one yourself before
your time. Remember that.
Just let go. Let go and let it stop
that ache you've carried around like a christ
who is saving no one from sin.
Be kind to yourself.
You're such a fierce critic of yourself,
allow others inside more than you have.
Neither you, nor your friends and family
are one-dimensional. Show them the depth
of what you are, what you carry.
Stop worrying about all the stupidity
of the world which you cannot control.
Wield the power you have justly.
You're a good person.
Keep praying if that helps you,
if it doesn't then don't.
No need to bug everyone with that.
You already do this most of the time, but
Be Kind, Be Kind, Be Kind, Be Kind,
Be Kind, Be Kind, Be Kind, Be Kind.

Point of View

Despondency digs

a deeper grave

for you than you

could ever make

alone.

what do we call home (draft 1)

The screaming ambulance passes

mother and child at the crosswalk.

Our neighbor stands in his driveway

bathed in gray sun. The illuminated lemon

tree waits quietly for the children wearing

backpacks on a school day.

Cars wait impatiently for them to pass.

A police cruiser stalks its prey

near the dreary liquor store across

the street from the dirty motel.

The congested high-rise freeway

looms near the intersection of life.

The abandoned hospital is now

a movie set. The film crew loiters

on the street as the nearby church

of our faith remains unchanged.

Apartments surround the aging diner

while the corpse of the mall decays

into slow ruin. Jets and private planes

fly back and forth like rock doves.

A Morning Drive

Waking to the dew of morning,

wind chills your skin.

Everyone is asleep.

Ignition brings life to the engine.

Accelerate.

Begin again.