Ambition Will Make You Or Destroy You

Manifest
conscious thoughts being transformed
into physical reality
is not as impossible
as it may seem.
the hard part
is having the thought
in the first place.


A Night In The Pacific Northwest
The destination
is in sight.
Keep heading
straight for the dawn
and never
relent.

Brief Spring

Define The Line



Behind The Curtains
The possibility
and promise
of existence
is far greater than
what most
humans can now
conceive.
We have tamed
ourselves
and our world
only to lose
control
over what
burns inside.
Knowledge cries out,
begging
to reveal itself
to those minds
willing to make
the leap
to other worlds
obscured
by our arrogance
and invention.
The doors are not
hidden to us.
They are always
around
in the fields
and forests
of the earth,
waiting to reveal
the truth
and nature
of nature.




something like that
This is not love,
this is something else.
This is who we are
at the moment
with each other.
I don't make promises
I can't keep
any longer.
That is why we are
how we are.
I hope
you can
understand.


Breaking Down The Doors
a means
to understand
that which
must be
experienced
in order to be
understood.
to open that door
is to destroy it forever
and leave the
doorway
open
for all comers.

quote

your eyes are as empty
as a million dead suns.

Wishfully Thinking

MUSE, MOVE ME.



Mirror Mirror
some people find it easier
to fill their heads
with passing thoughts
of fancy
and do nothing
about them
as they go through
their days.
those thoughts
come and go
and remain as
goals to one day strive for
but never actually
have the ambition
to do.
after years of living
these thoughts
go unfulfilled
in the heart
and gradually another
thought enters the mind:
what happened to me?
once that has happened
there can only be one answer
and one place where the blame
can be placed upon.
the answer always lies in the
mirror.



Optimism
Dreams are never failures
no matter what the outcome.
At worst
a dream becomes
the template
for the next wave
of success.



All the beautiful women I've known and You.
It is very easy
to get lost in
thoughts of infatuous
love.
The body gravitates
to those whose visages
most ensnare
the easily enraptured
parts of anatomy.
Such base desire
has fueled our species
for time immemorial.
Could it be all the feelings
of Love and Lust
are just simple
chemical interactions
in our brains
that we have assigned
a deeper emotional resonance
that perhaps has no basis
in reality?
Is Love Real?
We can discuss this
and have no definitive answer
no matter what all the poets
have ever written.
Lust is definitely real
and we have more than enough
proof and shattered hearts
to prove it.


Alonity
I used to think
that I had been in Love.
I sincerely used to believe it
but have since
gone back to look
and have found none of it
was ever truly there.
those words that I have said
are now revealed to be
What they truly were,
emotional blackmail.
I have never fully given my heart
to anyone so purely and so
completely.
It is sad to contemplate such a fact
but it is one that I am ok with
at the present moment.
sometimes being alone
can be the greatest comfort
that no other person can provide.

Shit Or Get Off The Pot

advice for the modern masses
it's hard to feel sorry
for those people
that complain
that their lives
are not what they
had hoped they
would be.
life will make us
suffer disappointment
and defeat
as tests of will
and strength of heart.
if those are enough
to cripple and defeat you
then those paths
were not for you.
truth in such ways
is always hard to accept.
if you can persevere
through such slings
then your work
will bring you to where
you need to be.
life is always a choice
that is in our hands.
stop complaining
and get on with it.

Mine? Uh...

Mine? Uh...
I can see in your eyes
the fire that burns in your heart.
It is a beautiful thing
that is inside of us
which keeps us in
constant motion.
We are enraptured
by the possibilities
of our two chosen mediums
that will produce
many of the same results.
We continue on
with these slightly divergent paths
which meet again and again
from to time to time.
You are the beautiful darling
whom I hope to be with
perhaps some far
and distant day.

Canadian Acid

R.R.
i think i could be
good for you
if you wanted
me to.
you are young
and gorgeous
and still
finding your
way through
the days
that we're
living.
i think i could be
good for you
if you wanted
me to.


reaffirm
there has to be
something more
to life than just what
they have told you
your whole life.
and i am determined
to find it and live
this life out on
my own terms.



canadian acid
some stories you just can't
make up.
they happen
and you remember
them for many years after
cause you have no choice
once they have been seared
into your head.

Finally, Rest For The Weary Heart

Dead Deer Hearts
I don't miss you much
if at all.
Could it be
I've learned
to be able to fall?
There's no point
in jealousy.
Guess it doesn't matter
what you think
of me.
When his time
with you is done
you'll come
calling back to me.
I won't be around
anymore for you
cause I am done
with this game
and I am done
with YOU.

Fact

fact
sometimes
it hurts.
sometimes
it feels
amazing.
but it
is always
life.

My Life. Rough Draft #1

Delete
it is much easier
these days to
make divisions
in our lives
between
love and its failure.
to cut those ties
and move on.
to cut out those pieces
of the heart
and throw them
to the wind.



fail me now
fail me now
before
i have the chance
to fail you.
fail me now
before
i have the chance
to give you my heart.
fail me now
or else
i will have to love you
the way i have longed to
for many years.




THE Answer
it gets easier from
moment to moment
sometimes.

to forget the long chain
that remains to be grasped
in front of us.

getting older
has always been
better than being

the young fool
who had no idea
where to look

for the answers
to the questions
he asked.

the answers are not there
and never have been.
what they failed to tell us is

that we must provide
all the answers ourselves
for this life.

Let Your Beauty Be My Truth

a close distance
your memory
is not so distant
though the time
since last we spoke is.
your kind smile
and sweet voice
remind me
that there is
some good
left in the world
and you
are of it.


tu beso
if you kissed me
the way
you look at me
i would be yours
forever.


long distance
keep running forward.
eventually you will be
right back here
if you go far enough.

Sing Your Sorrowful Heart Out To Me Again My Love.

All These Dreams Move Away From Me
you'll call me when you need me,
talk to me when you feel like it,
see me if you ever get the time,
be with me if your heart ever meets mine.

we closed such distance within ourselves
only to push apart again.

desire can't be
such a
one sided affair.

that is what it has been
with us for time immemorial

and now i am ready
to let you go
for good
for ever
if that is what
we need to be.


dancing on that grave
wouldacouldashoula
by now already
if there had been a chance
wouldacouldashoulda
if there had been a chance all along.
now i dance
on the grave of these fond memories
packing that dirt
tighter and tighter
onto the coffin below.
your feet don't move
to the sound
of the backyard rhythm
that makes me
pound my feet
harder and harder
down
down
down
onto
that grave below.


good enough
i would sing these words to you
in a song
if i could sing.
i would sing these words
over guitar
if i could play guitar.
i would tear my heart out for you
if i had
a heart left to break apart.
so this will have to do for you,
this will have to do
and i'm sure it'll be fine,
it'll be good enough
for you
and that'll be
good enough for me.


morning song
morning sing to me,
morning sing to me
through the window
and onto my weary head.
morning come to me,
morning come to me
and make me rise
from this bed again.
morning take me,
morning take me
to where i need to be
and where i need to go.
morning breathe hope
morning breathe hope
into my lungs again
to make it through today.
morning
make me strong enough.


on distance
every step is a mile
every mile
a space i need to cross
from here
to where i need to be.
nothing easy can be good.
nothing good has ever been easy.
every step a mile
every step
closer
to where i need to be.


the difference between then and now
drowning my sorrow
into the empty bottle
was the only way
this used to end.
those nights are done
and these days are starting
with the bottle full
and the cap seal unbroken.
when night comes by
and leaves,
the bottle cap seal
will be the same
as it ever was.

Muse Moving Morning

JAZZ
the gods have grown old
but we still worship them
as the remaining reminders
of a golden age
that has been mythologized
in books, documentaries, music
and their own
scar marked bodies.
the art form has been preserved
and now survives
on tubes and wires
to keep it alive.
the young have lost
the burning desire that
these gods once had
and occupy themselves
in other pursuits
so far removed from this
glorious fire.
the form remains
but that is not enough.
the remains must be viewed
and then destroyed
to let the new seeds
take root.


i have no regrets
but i do wish
i could forgive myself
for you.

simple morning man
these day time hours
are spent in the company
of no one but the sound
that soothes and destroys.
it is enough to keep me content
before the afternoon and evening
occupy my mind and body.


honesty
when i hold your body close to mine
on these late nights
i wish i could give you my heart.
i wish i could be a better man
to be able to love without care
or without weight attached
to my wretched being.
stop all words
and let touch
be the only one
to say so much.


are and are
fleeting thoughts
of desire
are many in the mind
of mortal men.
my mind is no different
and you are the object
of such fleeting thoughts
in my head.
you are the type of woman
that i find desirable
but would be wholly
impractical for us both.

Long Nights Of Dead And Lost Love

guardian at the gates
guard your heart against me
and keep it close
to you.
open your mind to me
and the rest will follow.
guard your heart against me
until i am
who i need to be
to possess it.



Arctic Eyes


The Pretty Dead

our words will save us
before they kill us.

Sum

Sum
How am i supposed
to see your face
when you keep
turning away
from me?
We, could become Us
so easily.
I should have known
better than
to fall in love
with you.

Emotional Abortion

Emotional Abortion
this is neither
the first nor
the last time
she has been here
for this.
each time
she comes
it is not a matter
of life or death,
it is a matter
of business.
sitting in that cold
impersonal waiting room
to be led into that
cold impersonal
chamber
where this
business transaction
will take place.
it is not cause i want to
she thinks,
it would just be bad for business.
getting knocked out
would cost too much
so she stays awake
through it all.
the sounds are all
familiar to her by now.
she tries to think
of other things
during her time in there,
happier things
from a happier place
she has never been.
mother would say
to wait for that special man.
but how will i know mom?
trust me honey
you'll know.
except for two,
all the other right men
have had just
the right bit of money.
the numbness in her body
is no comparison
to the numbness
of her heart.
when she is done
she leaves
and feels nothing
going through those doors
except wishing
she didn't have to come back again
so soon.
she always comes back
too soon.

Break Every Rule At Least Once

feed me with your kiss


no such thing as modern romance
It is good to know
that the urges
that are stirred
by our attraction
do not die
for our lack of nearness
but only intensify
when we meet
on such nights.


the only reason to learn any rule is to break it.
should i
hide
beneath
words that serve
to obfuscate
the meaning
and message
of that which i wish
to convey
because
it is artistic?
because
it is more indirect?
because
it builds some mystique?
i say
and
i write
that which is honest
from the wreckage
of my being.
this is not
to satisfy
some hack professor
at some hack university
where learning and
true knowledge
are dropped in favor
of making good
businessmen,
good consumers.
fuck you
and
fuck those
rules they taught you
in those creative writing
workshops.
be the artist
you wish to be
by your own standards
and by your own
expectations.
Emulate your idols,
then strike them from your mind
and then
become
that which you need to be.

leaving you behind

shoot it down
i am sitting
listening to tonights rain
inside this room
listening to the group
we saw together
for the first time.
do you remember
how you reached over and
held my hand that night there?
in that vast cavern
of people and sound?
i should have stopped caring
that night.


bootstrapbombadier
you might as well
stamp out
those soft delusions
from your mind
and surrender
to the reality
of what is facing you.




such a pretty little girl
your heart
and mine
are more foolish
than our minds
could ever hope
to be either
together or
alone.


pushing farther and farther into the distance ahead
you were
so golden to me.
whatever happened
to you?
or was it me
that drove
you away?

Sometimes I Wish I Had Lost That Leg

it started at barnes and noble
the same old story
plays through
again and again
in my life
when it comes to you.
close
but not quite
good enough
close
but not quite
the one
for you.
it might be easier
to live like johnny
when he got his
gun.



single subject
i am pretty sure
you have not
been oblivious
to me
and my emotions
but you probably
don't
have the heart
in you to just
out and out
crush my
feelings.
after all this time
i think i would
rather you
did that
than have
this going on
and on again.



fuck you and these dead feelings
i am not
entirely sure
if i care anymore
but i can't
be sure of
that either.


one track
there is no other option
except
for the path
i have embarked upon.
this mad mind
would rather
die than
surrender
to anyone else's
expectations of myself.

Living Among The Dead

Living among the dead
is the only way
to describe
how i have lived
this last day.
i await my return
to the world
of the living

Corcovado

Astrud,
Would you
sing me to sleep
with that
beautiful
voice of yours
that made me fall
in love with you
and dream of a place
called
Corcovado?
Oh, How lovely.
That first time
was amazing
with you.
Every time since,
when I hear those
words escape
your lips
I become
enraptured
in the sound
of true
beauty.



United By Fate, Divided By Love



Our Flesh Becomes One



every new beginning
is at least
a little awkward.
that is nothing new.

Late Night Madness

like this moment
for everything gone right
i still feel something
to be missing
inside myself.
whether it be
in my head
or in my heart.
there is still
a yearning
that aches
to be filled.
some days
it is more apparent
than others.
some nights
it keeps me
wide awake
and disturbs
my mind to a
great degree.
on those nights
i wonder whether
or not i can possibly
go on this way.
so far each time
the answer
has been yes.
i hope to keep
it that way for
the foreseeable
future
but sometimes
i just don't know.


fear
life terrifies me.
it can be the most
daunting thing.
it sits there
just staring at us,
waiting for us
to make a move.


more on the same topic
writing late at night
can be a cathartic
experience at times.
a quiet catharsis
that is denied me
in other forms
of expression.
when my mind
and heart
pour forth
their fears
and insecurities
by the baleful.
other times
it just gets worse
and sleep only comes
through sheer
physical exhaustion.

The Problem With Existence

Facts
Life has killed
better men
than us.
We will be
no exception.



Face The Facts
Our perception of existence
is far narrower
than we can imagine.
Beyond the scope
of our physical world
remains
an infinite realm
where our minds
and hearts
fear to tread.
If we were to step
through such
ancient doors
would we accept
the visions
we would see?
Could we?
Or would it all
be chopped up
to the hallucinations
of natures play
with our psyche?
We are no more
in control of this world
than the fish in the sea.



this modern life
running without
thinking without
living without
being without
breathing without
deaming without
doing without
results without
consequence without
reason or order.

Man The Ramparts

sea
the tides
turn to us
and then
pull back
to the sea.
it always
goes back
and forth.


thoughts on tonights conversation
one day
our present
will be seen
by others
as some sort
of defining cultural
moment where
we took control
of our art and
our world.
until that day
comes to pass,
we toil on
as mad fools
creating art
from the
wrecks
we call our
lives.


self-centered
if it were not
for people like us
the arts
would have died
a long time ago.
if it were not
for people like us
the present would
be just like the past.
if it were not
for people like us
everything
would be like
frozen amber.



this will destroy me
draw me close to your lips
then feed me with your breath.
take my hand
and lead me to your bed.
draw me close
so i can hear your heart beat.

In Time

In Time
everything
becomes beautiful again,
everything
learns
to live again.
In Time
we see
how beautiful
it has always been

throwaway

sameness
good days
bad days
they're all
the same.
what matters
is the
experience
of living
no matter
what
anyone
else might
say.


between yesterday and today
we might
be at odds
some of the time
over what
we are doing
but
it won't matter
too much
afterwards
because
this is
what we
need to do
now.



tu y yo y la mota
tomorrow night
might be a repeat
performance
of another
night we have had
recently
but that is ok
because
we will both
be far too
out of our minds.

Disintegrate and Coalesce

dedicated to all those in transition



noticing the obvious
the cycle continues
through every life
through all points
in time.
the pattern is the same
until you look
at the details
which make every
occurrence new.
everything
is destroyed
and everything
is rebuilt
time
and
time
again.


A4(ism)
we are at the mercy
of this life
until we see
how much
is in our hands
to wield
and shape.


una pregunta
did you let
that beautiful
part of you die
when life
crushed those
dreams?
no one has lived
until they let go
of that pain
and see the
path then
revealed.


hard lessons
falling in love
and then having
ones heart
broken
is one of the
best things
that could happen
to anyone.
to know love
of the body
and spirit
and to know
that even
when those are
broken, that
the essence
inside survives.


(un)necessary
pain feeds the birth of art
but is not a prerequisite
although it does help.

Mourn This Now

dead fire
the fire
has burned itself
out.
all the years of
life
and shadow
now only
a memory
of ash.
the smoldering
embers
die slowly
as the ground
waits
to be reborn.

relationship
a passing illusion
is all we have ever
been.
now
even that
is gone.

Head For The Shallow

famous street
it must be so easy
when you've got the look
that everyone wants,
that everyone thinks
is in.
life doesn't look as
pretty as you do most
of the time.
do not confuse
this for hatred
or dislike
cause this is neither.
i have a feeling both of our
efforts will get two
separate types of people.
who cares and
what does it matter anyway?
it doesn't because
we are traveling two
very different roads
towards the same place.



the sound of big business
this is what i want,
this is what i need.
this is the life force
that feeds the madness
and ambition inside.
if not for these brave
men you could be forgiven
for thinking that music
had completely lost
its bite and balls.
i'd much rather go down the dark
avenue of big business
than the empty promise
of mulholland drive.



"What could go wrong? Let me count the number of ways..."



i'm not interested in what you are
saying as much as
what you are doing.


H.A.F
I don't think i have ever
let my mind and body
indulge in such a way
as we did that night.
that explains
why i was so sore
the following day.


"take my advice don't come any closer. don't you come any closer you're giving us all away."

you gotta make it happen

don't think too much
it can be simple
to do hard things
if you don't
over think it
and just do it.
such a simple
thing to say
and so much
harder to do
you might say
but have you
ever given it
a shot?


breaking silence
i am glad
we spoke today
for the first
time in almost
three months.
i was worried
that it would be
awkward
after so long and
especially after
how we left off
that night.
it's good to know
it's ok and
that tomorrow
we'll get to see
each other again
my old friend.


less talk
too much ambition
can be a bad thing
but only if you do
nothing about it
except talk talk
talk. fortunately
that is not the case
with me. action backs
up everything i say.
no more
blah
blah
blah
only
action.


its ok, really.
get frustrated
its ok
as long as you can
see that
there is always more
beyond that if you
are ready
and willing
to move past it.
don't be a greedy
or selfish child.
you are better than
that. we are in this
together and
need to make it
work with
a united front.

Stop Falling So I Can Stand

asi es.
between a controlled
demolition
and an uncontrolled
one
is an obvious
and large difference.
between
flying off the handle
and understanding
carries
an equal amount
of difference.
bad vibes
dictate too much
and cloud reason
and judgement.
greater good?
some times
i wonder
if you get it at all.



actreaction
its not the end of the world
so stop acting like it is
all the fucking time.


into
its all falling
falling
into place.
its all falling
falling into
place.
if you can
can
if you can
open those
blind
open those
blind eyes
you would
see
see that
it is all
falling
falling
into place.


met
let the metronome
be your
heart beat.
perfect time,
it would be in perfect
time with
mine.


divider
stop cutting me apart
so i can keep it together
stop cutting me apart
so i can keep it together
take that knife out
so i can put it in
take that knife out
so i can put it in
you too.

Something Elusive Temporarily

one of those days
from time to time
you can sense
a change
before it happens.
perhaps
specifics are hard
to come by
but there is
a stirring in
the bones
that you know
to be true.
there is no choice
but to act
with the change
as it comes to you
ready to charge
through.


Q & A
am i a foolish man?
i don't like to
answer questions
like that
about myself.
i find myself
wondering now
about that question.
sitting here,
waiting,
letting life pass me by.
some days
i am so consumed
by the rushing moments
that i neglect
to bask in both
solitude and thought.
know thyself?
i am trying.



un recuerdo
i can still smell you
on my clothes.

i can still feel
your touch.


i can still
see us.

i can still
imagine those moments.

i can still
live with it.

we are passing continents.

para mi primo mario
primo,
com has estado?
no recuedro la ultima
ves que yo te vi.
yo te espero
aqui hasta que
regreses
del pueblo
donde viene
nuestra sangre.
quisas un dia
nos regresariamos
a nuestra tierra
juntos.



"If I Give You Sugar Will You Give Me Something Elusive Temporarily?"
- Ladytron

A Request

A Request
sometimes
you just need to
ask for certain things.
i may not always
be the most
observant man
and some times
i need a reminder
to get me
in the right direction.
some times
my words fail me.
some times
i am more awkward
than i would like
but i will always
be the me i know
how to be when
you see me.
i cannot promise
some unending devotion
or some romantic myth
that the movies
have sold to us
but i can tell you now
that i will try to be the
good man i know i can be
when i see you around.
i'll make you laugh when i can
and hopefully you'll laugh
cause you'll think it's funny.
let's not over think
this too much but
let us take this
one sweet night
at a time.

A Night At The Rainbow Room

A God Who Is A Man
last night
was like most nights
spent out in pursuit
of late night living.
our final destination
was one of infamy.
not so much for the place
as much as for the man
who can be found there.
he is someone mythologized
and respected
for having made it so long
living his life in the only way
he has seen fit to live.
we walk in and see him at a table
outside with a few women.
we go inside to the crushing sound
of words enabled by alcohol
and the heat of so many
bodies all pressed against each other
hoping to absorb some of the
magic of years gone by on
this famous street.
the wreckage of the last few decades
of musicians could be found here
in an overabundance.
we milled about until we found
a space where we could converse.
soon enough
the lights came on and last call
was announced.
we walk outside
and see this god
talking to a different woman.
the two of them just sitting there
speaking like any other pair of people there.
we make leave down the street
and enter the few remaining
businesses open at this late hour.
we share some history which has led to
that present moment.
on the way back to our car
who do we see heading in the same
direction as we?
the god.
he was now by himself
walking across the street.
he walked by us
and then down that side street
all by himself,
disappearing into the night
no more a god but merely
a man
just as human as we.

the faithless faithful

another night at the abattoir
my heart does not wander.
if you have that then
you have the whole of my soul.
my body is a whore
that goes to the places
it pleases.
these days
i give my heart to no one
except the one person
who does not want it.
so do not worry about me.
this is nothing new.


fictive future of a fictive past
i cast coins
to tell
of the possible
future that
awaits me.
as i looked
it told me
nothing
i did not
already know.
perhaps
the future and i
are already in
agreement.
then i rolled over
as the dance
began.

those who know and those who are going to know

it is not always
as it seems.
sometimes
it's worse.



we hold each other close
because no one else
will hold us so tight.


i am not scared
but i am worried.
i am waiting
for the things
which i know
i should be
acting upon.


in love
or
in Love?



careful where you let your heart tread
for the life you destroy
may not be your own.


guilty parties sometimes
feel no remorse
for what they have wrought.



deer hearts

If I Love You

first person p.o.v
i don't know
how i stay alive sometimes.
at certain moments
i don't feel like i am the one
that is living my life.
at those times it almost feels
like i am another being
getting a first person
perspective on
the life of a man.
watching and moving with him
through the course of the days
and hearing his thoughts
at every turn.
it is a strange thing.
from what everyone says
this seems to be
how life always is.


dream by day
i daydream about
the things
that my mind wishes
it could manifest
in a moment.
traveling to new
places that i have always
desired or simply
returning to
a much simpler time
in my life.
the simple times
have not always been so
and even when they were
there was always
something else
in the way.


new advice i've heard.
it is not how much education you have
it is how hard you work.
at least that is what i've been hearing lately.


cold feet
my feet
are cold.
that could be
because i have
failed to
put on any
shoes or socks,
compounded
by the fact
that my floor
is all tile.
my feet are cold
and that has
nothing
to do with you
at all.


exhausted bastard
as tired and worn
as i may have been
last night when i got home
it was still very hard
for me to shut off
my mind and let myself
go to sleep.
that is always very
disconcerting to me.
sometimes on those nights
i think the only reason i sleep
is because my body
physically needs it
more than anything else
no matter what my mind
may be up to.

Don't Die While You're Alive

Former Titles
we have known each
other for so long
that maybe
we misstepped
and now certain
terms for each other
are now outmoded
between us
since the bond has
become something
else altogether.
perhaps its dissolved
or we have just gone
down different avenues
by accident or on purpose.
our former term for
each other is now to be buried.
Friend.



some advice
disappointment happens
but the important thing
is to not let it always
bury your heart
and hopes
beneathe its weight.

brief sounds and beautiful certainty

you
when you are sick
i think about you
and how i wish i
could be there
at your side.



placed/falling
the pieces
can't always
be allowed
to fall into
place.
the rest of
the time
they must
be put
there
carefully
by hand
one piece
at at time.



we are one
when we are
together.



pretty girls
i took
the spark
which you gave me
and made it
into a fire
that has lit
my path
ever since
that day.


tonality
the only thing
better than hearing
such a beautiful
sound is being
inside
creating it.

You've Got To Be Crazy

5 initials
i shoot back and forth
between
emotional extremes
when i think about
the path i am pursuing
with those
at my side.
i am always
concerned
and always trying
to look out for them
as i hope they
are looking out for me.
we are in a place
where we will
be climbing uphill
for the foreseeable
future.
as long as i have them
there shoulder
to shoulder
with me
i think
that perhaps
we can do this
together.


unity in distance
to create
we must live.
to live
we must
be apart.
we must take
all our hearts
desires
and our body's
experiences
and give voice
to all of it
through
word and
meter.


bastard heart
my heart
yearns for you.
it thinks,
it knows
that you are the only
perfect fit for us.
the body may cheat
but the heart
has always been
faithful
to you.



midnight dearest
hearing you
weakened
voice
coming through to me
on the phone
made me want
to reach out
to you
and put you
in my arms and
just feel
your warmth
and hope
that my touch
can heal you.

You Can't Keep Living Like This

you can't keep living like this.
this isn't so bad
but it's not that good
either.
the security
is nice as you
can imagine
but it does wonders
for killing a potential
late night encounter
when that's all
you have on your mind
at that time.
living like a grown child
is not the way you should
be. you know better
than this.
be the man
you keep saying
you know you are.
until then
you won't know for sure.



each end
we occupy
opposite ends
of the same spectrum.
on my end
i wish i could have
the security
and comfort
of a home and spouse
to call my own.
of a job with
health benefits
and a steady income.
it sounds like some
kind of
nightmarish dream
come true for
so many of you.
my life is set
in shifting tides of sand
and i wander where i may
and let life unfold
into the kaleidoscope
which we all know it to be.
i am poor
i live like a dog
i worry about money
i worry that i may never find that great love
(or perhaps i already let it slip by)
i worry that the art i make will fall
on deaf ears
i worry that all my effort is for naught
i worry that maybe i have thrown my life away
i worry that i have accomplished nothing
i worry that maybe i will die alone.
so perhaps your end of the spectrum
is not so bad in light of all these things,
but if i carry on with all of it
to its' conclusion
then maybe
just maybe
i will outlive you all
in endeavor.


we would be fools if we believed that everything will always turn out alright.



factism
ambition must be tempered
with work and talent
to succeed.
that hasn't stopped
most hacks
from fame
and wealth.
so don't let it
deter you.


factism 2
money
and the pursuit of
material wealth
is what will
destroy the many
because
of the few.

It's A Lazer Lazer Lazer Love

re(create)-e(+ion)
sense and reason
have no real place
when it comes to
creating art it seems.
this is not always true
though it seems to be
as much more often
than not.
finding a middle ground
between creativity
and objective
clarity is difficult
to obatin but is
not in the realm
of impossibility.


piece by piece
the day demands
everything from us
at all times.
instead of giving in
and giving it all
in one fell swoop
we must parcel
it out bit by bit
to make sure
we don't give
ourselves
away completely.



in places where the heart echoes quietly
i would travel
across the sea
to find
the clarity
i have been
missing over here.
then again
it might not be any
different from this.
or it could be
everything
i've dreamed of
and more.
tasks remain
to be done
here
before anything
else
can be
explored.

I See A Light In Your Dark Eyes

those back home
trouble
seems to stalk
all of us from
time to time.
hearing about
some family
back in
the home country
reminded me
of this fact.
it gets us for a little
while, then
takes off
for elsewhere.



mnemonic
we are passing
through similar
coordinates
at different times.
thoughts are
shared or
exchanged through
these unseen
psychic means.
i guess
that when
the moment
comes
it will be
all the more
enjoyable.



tard and feathered.
tomorrow night
at this time
i will be pacing
about
as i am wont
to do on
the occasion.
waiting in
nervous
anticipation
to do that
which
gives release
to everything
on the
inside.


something uncle mario said
death is coming
so
you might as well
spend
all that money
you
have sitting in
your
savings account.
no
use leaving it
all
for those who
could
care less.

Fault Lines

algo para mi mama y papa
no fue nada que hicieron.
las ninas
estan viviendo
sus vidas.
no han madurado
y eso se puede ver
muy facilmente.
en tiempo
van a ver
los erores
de sus vidas.


current events
its so easy
to get caught up
with your own
problems
concerns
worries
hopes
dreams
that you
can lose
sight of
those around
you
with out
meaning to.
the trick
is to take
those blinders
off periodically
and make sure
everyone is
holding on
tight and
ok.


from somewhere i can't recall
i've been in love
and
i've been in lust
and i've grown
wise enough
to say that
i know
the difference
between
the two.


Tyler
i won't fail you
little brother.
i'll be the brother
you need
in the ways
i was not
when i was
younger
toward
our other
siblings.

Rani Rayha

a little
it is
but
then again
it isn't
always.
but
when
it is
then
always
sometimes
isn't.



not tonight
dear
but maybe tomorrow.



a void filled
love is not for me.
it is a thing
that i have always
wanted to believe.
i have filled
the empty spaces
with something
else to keep me
whole.


defeatist
if you think
you could love me
then perhaps
you just don't
know me
well enough
yet.


recluse
when you
stay inside
for hours at a time
trying to get
your body
and mind back
it is easy
to let both
play tricks
on you

Starless and Bible Black

a less than morning
feels like
my throat
is ripping itself
apart bit by bit
as the night time
hours have passed
in progression
to this early morning.
so i sit here now
wide awake
with that ache
growing inside
of me.


Passive Aggressive Assholes Are Still Better Than Regular Assholes
passion by its very definition
will have some amazing
results but always runs the risk
of misinterpretation.
all i expect from you
is only that which i expect
from myself.
nothing more
nothing less.
there is nothing
in that statement
that can be misunderstood.
i will quit before
you do.
that is a fact.



all i want to do
is sleep away
the pain in my body
and wake up
at a new day.



this chill is freezing me
as the dawn
makes itself
seen once more.

P.A.A. Part II
passive
aggressive
asshole?
better that
than whatever
the alternative
may be.
lets not point fingers
cause
neither of us
is free from
mistakes.
i will always admit mine.
remember
my words are never
out of malice to you.
i would no sooner
raise my hand
to strike you
than i would
do that
with
my
words.



blind faith dreaming idiots run the risk of failure and success
if you do not follow
the blind passion
that fuels you
then you are just a
little bit less
complete than
you hope to be.
if you have let
your parents,
your friends,
and life discourage
you from the calling
of your heart
then you are more
dead than
those
who lie in wait
in the ground.

"sad paper courtesan, they found him just a man."


fuck art, fuck artists
there is no real glamor
in a pursuit that is so
off putting to so many
though the many
may love to hear
the fruits
of those works.


knock knock and try not to stutter
sometimes
there is nothing better to do
than to just sit
here typing away
in peace and quiet
when the onslaught
of the coming days
stands knocking
patiently at my door.


#####
lets get back to one
or barring that
then two.



dear old man,
you are dead old man
and i have seen
where you rest
these days.
i could sleep all
day at your grave
and think that
maybe i could dream
all those dreams
you no longer can
for you as i lie there
waiting and searching
for answers
from a clear blue sky.


dicho
it is always a foolish mistake
to place your faith in either
man or religion.

Keeping It Brief

Earl Grey
pour me some
hot water
into a cup
and let the
tea bag
steep
for just a bit.
bring the cup
up to your lips
and blow away
some of the warmth
and take a sip
of the purest
good
one can
bring
into
themselves.



maybe together
we can blot out
the sun

Dreams Are Just Lies The Heart Believes

because i do
why should i care
what you do?
i probably
shouldn't
but i do.
don't drag
me down
when i'm trying
to pull you
up with me.



easy
we work
on our words
and let them
stream forth
in a torrent
of expression
at the end of
our dreary day.


present tense description
do you think
i've given up
on you
and moved on
to someone else
with my
philandering
heart?
i haven't
and i wonder
how you are.


a certain situation



dreams are just lies the heart believes

Destroy Me, I Dare You.

"Life Is Suicide." - Me.



"Reality is grossly overrated." - Joe Nolte



not so random speculation
This is what i want.
you know this
and i know this.
perhaps that is why
this is so hard
and terrifying.
the fact there could be
a threat to it
from within
is nerve wracking to
no end.
personal choices are
just that.
in some cases
they end up
having repercussions
far greater
than any individual
could have known.
i am speculating
but it seems like
these speculations
are valid.
i would rather do this
than anything else.
don't do this to me.


give lust a chance
all i could think of
was you last night.
from the moment
i saw you walk by
me i couldn't help
but want to possess
you in every way
all last night
and this morning.
i'm sure i will see
you again tonight.
but perhaps the moment
has passed
and someone else
will be there
in your place
or perhaps not.

"he blew his mind out in a car, he didn't notice that the lights had changed."
- The Beatles, A Day In The Life from Sgt. Peppers Lonely Hearts Club Band


perhaps life is getting ready for lift off
after all of these years.


now
the time to jump
over the edge into no mans land
has come.
there is no bottom
there is no net
there is nothing
but falling
and making the best of it.




"i don't wanna hear it" - Minor Threat



cold feet on a cold morning is no way to start the day.

an inanimate thank you
couch you've been good to me
on all those nights
when i would fall asleep
dead drunk on you
as my entire body
was filtering out
the poison i had so willingly
put into it in such quantity.
now i fall asleep on you
dead tired when it's late as hell
and driving would be suicide.
thanks couch.



when everything wrong is right
all our love is empty.
all our fears fully grounded.
everything beautiful turns
ugly and dead.
the strongest
are the weakest
after all.
all suspect motives
fully warranted.
all your words
nothing but passing wind.
all you gazes empty.
all truth
rendered impotent.
all monkeys
have gone
to heaven.


dead and relative.


THROUGH
if you push me
you will see
i will not surrender
to you
and your future mistakes.
never forget
that i love you.
but if you force it upon me
i will have no choice
but to say and act out
this statement:

"The Only Way Out Is Through."

just saturday

this saturday
this is
one of those days
that is meant to be
burned away.
not every moment
has to be filled
with pure
unadulterated excitement.
there needs to be
quiet moments
to let the body
and mind
gather its spent pieces
and bring them
to semblance once more.
the calm repose
is more than welcome
after some of these days.


throw away piece
i am
trying
and i am seeing
some results.
time to
batten down
the hatches
and sail
full speed
into the
unknown.


some thing i have noticed
the problem
with everyone i know
is we are all
still waiting to grow up
in some way or another.
when i see those faces
i don't see adults,
i see the same kids
and teenagers
that we were
almost ten years ago.

greedy
greed is by no means a virtue
but it is something
we all share in someway.
whether lusting for
the unattainable flesh
or for wealth without end
there is something
we would horde like
the robber barons of old.