Something to think about

Talk

maybe I was wrong.

do I miss you?

yes?

do I miss you or

what I imagine you to be?

I don't know

but I am thinking.

Sight

we spend our days

far too concerned

about the trivial details

of our daily existence

while we ignore

the larger view

of what lies ahead.

____________________

modern life

is leaving us

more connected

and more alone.

A Quick One Before Bed

Night In The City

there is never any silence in the city.

at night it trembles

with the stirrings of men and machine.

bodies toss  

or sleep in safe comfort

unaware of the night.

sounds of nature

are replaced by the restlessness

of modern man.

stars gaze down from light years away

bringing illumination born

when our forbearers were but gleans 

in the eyes of their fathers.

even now

staring at the darkness which surrounds me

I know

this city will be forever restless

no matter how

or when I rest.

Greatness

I dreamed about you before we ever met.

+

We don't always age so gracefully.

+

If you never burn

you'll never know

the sweet taste of ash.

+

As wonderful as life may be

remember:

there will always be those willing

to cut your throat away.

Greatness

The great struggle is never 

the moments that are

Immortalized

in story, stone and verse.

The great struggle

is the struggle of being.

The sense of 

purpose(lessness?)

is daunting.

We romanticize 

the immortals 

as being so far beyond

what any of us can comprehend

or are capable of.

Great deeds come not from great individuals

but from ordinary individuals bent on becoming great.

Pick those words carefully

Succinct

What is it 

possible to say 

in ten minutes

that can't be said

in one sentence?

Ideals

You?

you are 

too beautiful to forget.

eyes ablaze 

like the daughter of Helios

locks flowing 

like rivers to the sea,

a figure bequeathed

by no other than Aphrodite.

attributes such as these would be

empty if not for the kind intellect 

you possess. 

gaze into my eyes

and be remembered

for the rest of a

mans lifetime.

Section 60

Section 60

Heaven above cannot forget

the sacrifices made

by those buried beneath

the sad acre at

Section 60.

Men, Women,

Fathers, Mothers,

Husbands, Wives,

Brothers, Sisters,

all rest beneath

the green grass. 

Lives have been lost

in service to 

nations,

beliefs and

causes 

for as long as man

has existed.

This will not change.

We can remember their lives, 

their sacrifices 

and ask ourselves

'What is the price 

we are willing to pay 

for our way of life?'

www.cnn.com/2009/US/05/23/section.60.cemetery/index.html

Stellar Regions

Interstellar space is where I long to be.

Sound that goes beyond mere volume

and reaches to the vibrations 

that call our world into being

is what I wish to impart on all people.

Unnecessary Extrapolation

mo(u)rning

an overcast sunrise 

greets me once again.

there is time enough

for blue skies.

noon will come 

soon with warmth

enough for all of us.

salvation lays

in the dark lit confines

of a room echoing sound.

_____________________

pushing forward with desire

and unrelenting energy

is the only way.

__________________

All light gives way to darkness.

All darkness gives way to light.

All light gives way to darkness.

All darkness gives way to light.

__________________

but what now?

_________________

the waves sound just as beautiful as you look.

You made a mark on me,

Told me to wait patiently.

You pulled away

and I watched your memory fade.

That was so many years ago.

I can't remember your face.

I can remember how I felt.

Like a child lost,

searching for that familiar comfort

once again.

___________________

not everything written is meant to be gold.

___________________

I like my women how I like my wine,

Gorgeous and

Insane.

Expected Scenes From A Familiar Play

Your Shattered Hopes

a familiar scene

plays itself out 

in a familiar space.

darkness envelopes

sound and solids

into one being.

no one present

 

to give comfort.

no reassuring voice 

to turn to.

Darkness,

only this.

____________

Sometimes there is nothing but silence.

_____________________________

I can hear your voice singing through the darkness.

I run towards your sound

crying out your name.

No matter how close I come

you are nowhere to be found.

Walk away

I wish I could

Walk away.

Tormented by this darkness

where can I run,

where can I run?

______________________________

The city bleeds from its asphalt arteries.

Torrents of red lit platelets

on four wheels

crawl closer to the towering 

cluster of the heart. 

_____________________

your crazy smile

draws me in.

the fire raging behind 

opal eyes

blinds the reason

I retain

but you begin to strip away.

_____________________

Common Sense Nonsense

__________________

Falling into a trap

I have laid for myself

the shame I feel

could not be any greater.

__________________

Immaturity.

Too scared to see you happy.

Too immature to be a man.

I hope you understand.

A thousand piercing points

all puncturing my skin.

Be happy somewhere else.

Be happy with someone else

far, far away from here.

__________________

Do not be afraid of the work ahead.

Life is a constant challenge to the heart and mind.

_________________

If you cannot be honest with yourself

then with whom?

___________________________

Absolution through fire.

___________________

Writing is always an exercise in solitude.

___________________________

there is something beautiful in the simplicity

of typing words out

and having them speak.

___________________________

Our lives are filled with old tattoos

being covered up to mask the past.

___________________

Gold is never enough.

Gears From A Larger Machine Of A Different Time

Approaches

Words should not be minced.

Go for the jugular

or

hide behind

the flowery verse that 

masquerades as truth in some

circles.

I'm no judge

but it's hard to disagree

with the feeling that lurks inside.

________________

Mourning is reserved

for souls that have passed

not love that never was.

________________

The heart loves to believe

what it chooses 

rather than empirical truth.

__________________

New Tensions

Impossible Ending

Lonely flesh

beneath whose hand

do you hope to be?

Sending notice

through optical fibers

reaching for an others eyes.

Wrench yourself

from a monotone love

to connect to life.

Beneath decayed flesh

lurks new skin

waiting to glisten.

________________

Forget the shovel

go for the bulldozer.

________________

Summary Of A Lifetime

You are going to make

Some ONE

very happy

some day.

It just won't be

me.

_________________

Dress up your delusions in prosaic grandeur.

Non Sense

emptiness spills

over into long nights

which can only 

bear the strain so long

until they relent

becoming day.

fractions

become whole

until the divide.

darkness so pure

 

it becomes heaven.

transfigure

transpose

change the outer 

reflect the inner.

become

unconditional.

unbound

un un

done.

meter 

has no place

when the beat

has been lost.

you could be

perfect

if i ignored

the flaws.

Scribbles

Postpone Present Desire For Future Fulfillment.

We would stop if we could.

This fire will burn 

until we are ash.

Heroes are nothing but fallible men who performed infallible deeds.

Life was never meant to be experienced behind any type of screen.

Should I feel pity or contempt

for those living 

according to plan?

Am I the fool?

Life would be horrific without art to offset the pains of existence.

Art does not have an On/Off switch

(thankfully).

Patience is a virtue that must always be reaffirmed.

Sanity is where you find relief.

marauding monkeys making marks

plain sight omission

questions remain unanswered

because they were never asked.

truth remains in plain sight

though it is never spoken.

charades mask our interactions

for want of trust.

we believe we know the answer

yet all we have to do is speak to one another.

we can trust but only so much.

what are we afraid of?

___________________

You look happier than I could hope to be.

____________________

dos, quatro, uno.

it is a game of numbers 

which must drop

in order to gain

the desired effect.

this game can be won

only if it is hard fought.

____________________

Goddesses

forms like goddesses 

writhing in ecstasy

of each other.

life's flickering fire

burns within jade orbs

beckoning the beholder forth.

sirens of titan 

or of a more familiar place?

goddesses,

you enrapture

the mind at thoughts

of the flesh's delight.

inspire some sense

of earthly release 

from the drudgeries

of the days demands.

Paths On Divided Ground

A Path To Our Well Being

Don't commandeer

spirituality

for your institutions.

Release it 

from the chains 

of dogma.

Let it bound across

the inner landscape

of all men.

Our modern conveniences

can never replace

the fire it ignites.

Maladies of aching hearts

could be healed if 

the stigma were repealed.

"Literature should not disappear up its own asshole, so to speak."

 "Literature should not disappear up its own asshole, so to speak."

- Kurt Vonnegut

Random Fragments:

The Internal Compass

Perpetually searching

for the undefinable

can leave one

alternately

exhilarated and

exhausted.

Scope and vision

Your combined beauty 

could destroy the world

or lead it into a 

wonderful new age.

Salvation 

can be had

for a price.

Breath Water

roll me under

waves and let me 

drown.

do not wait

for me to surface.

the heaven I seek

is a much more

beautiful place

than any I have seen

in our world.

moonlight is the best lighting for the unclothed human form.

The right woman (women?)

can be the most inspiring

muse. 

A Cosmology of Far Off Cousins

Drench your soul

in an Echoplex

and let it reverberate

through interstellar space.

Consume the electric fruit

which powers the fist sized pump

of our corporeal forms.

Forget that which has been revealed

and let the unknown embrace you

with its majestic kiss.

Let its fragrance consume you

like the lover whose memory 

awakens you at night.

Seek not the ideal,

become it.

The Devil You See Is Not The Angel You'll Find

Never Abstain From Vice But Do Have Restraint.

tears are truth,laughter enlightenment

Do not mourn the past,

create a future.

We must never cease our motion

lest we be carried beneath

waves of idleness and

mediocrity.

Shed no tears for yourself.

What are we scared of losing?

What are we afraid of gaining?

Cease the game and begin the quest.

Sweet as vinegar.

Radio On The TV

Murder me like I'm your savior.

Save me like an innocent man on death row.

Meant every word I said,

said every word I meant.

Words change nothing

much

like its always been.

Hearts are made up,

time to give up.

Move on from yourself

become someone else.

No more prisons,

no more cages,

no more shackles.

Become unbound.

Finally free.

_________________

I'm a fawning madman

with no sense or plan.

_________________

The illusion of perspective.

_________________

Dissolver

You Are Not It

You Are Not It.

You Never Will Be.

Might As Well Get Over It.

You Are Not It.

You Never Were.

Might As Well Forget.

-------------------------------

3Clubs

Psychic wounds cut deepest 

into the heart and mind.

The pain of love you never knew

and family you never grew to know.

Laying fault on everyone

and yourself.

Punishing the mind

with pummeling doubt 

and insufficient resolve.

Looking to self destruct

in order to escape 

the nagging inadequacy 

of all the works.

There are no heroes and villains.

There are only people

guided by a sense of what is right.

I cannot begrudge the one I love

for not loving me in the manner I see fit.

If I hold on to this deadly flower

it will blossom into cancer

and consume me whole.

I am not without flaw

but I am better than what I 

have believed myself to be.

Give me Everything

OR GIVE ME NOTHING AT ALL.

--------------------

Ms. Me. Miss Me.

Miss Me Ms. Me.

the phone rang

and I saw your name 

come up.

i was a little surprised

but not enough 

to see it as unexpected.

your voice came through

as wonderfully as it does

every time we speak.

you told me 

you had been thinking

about me,

had been missing me.

you made mention of potential plans

of yours. 

the biggest drawback

to them you said

would be my absence.

without saying it

but thinking quite loudly

the inner voice said

then stay here with me.

tonight we shall see each other again

beneath the lights of Los Angeles

among so many other dreamers.

you told me you loved me.

i told you i loved you.

Red Dolly

Red Dolly

Lennox is a small unincorporated

town just beneath the flight path

of the planes heading into LAX.

I lived there in my early childhood

with my parents in what seemed

like a much simpler time.

We lived in a small two bedroom house

with a small porch and

a tree in our front yard.

The other families that lived there

were much like us,

poor recent immigrants

from mexico or other spanish

speaking parts of the western world.

It is a time in my life where

few memories remain.

I can remember one evening

my father taking out the trash

to the street and going back with him

to the garage

as he pulled out

a small red dolly.

He asked me to stand on it.

I stood on it and held on to the bars

on either side as my father tilted it back.

My little heart was thrilled

that I was doing something

like this with my daddy.

I wasn't fearful,

I was trusting and felt good

about myself and our world

because of such a simple thing.

Yesterday

as I was pulling out of the driveway

at our home in Hawthorne

I looked over and saw

my nearly three year old

baby brother Tyler

standing and holding onto

the same red dolly

that I once had,

looking as happy and pure

as I must have that evening

so many years ago.

------------------------------------

We are the children of flawed people

who did their best to show us

what life is.

You are a wounded bird

looking for a branch to rest upon.

Did I actually find myself thinking about you

not in such base terms

but in a manner to express sympathy

towards you and how you are

as I sat there holding you?

Step Back From The Darkness

Step Back From The Darkness

I am my own worst enemy from time to time.

My mind turns inward

and runs through 

the darkness

unbound.

As it 

traverses

the dark spaces

of the interior landscape

Hope is thrown by the wayside

as I am subjected to my own worst fears.

Hopelessness and fear take hold

as my better nature fights to

maintain control of my

heart and mind

until the urge

subsides.

The 

battle is 

waged from

time to time

but it is one that

we must confront

and overcome lest we

succumb to darkness and

our lesser nature.

Self Help Dialog

I can't help but feel the way I do sometimes.

Happiness doesn't come as easy as I would like

and when it does I am always so fearful of losing it

and everyone that comes with it.

I use flaws and insecurity to push forward

though they hold me back at times.

I know what I want

but do I derserve the fulfillment of these desires?

Sometimes I imagine I might be happier leading a monastic life.

I am always torn between the part of me seeking out life

and the part that wishes to hide from the light.

Someday I would like to imagine I might find someone that could make me happy

as well as someone I could make happy in kind.

I am always restless

I am always seeking

I am uncomfortable when the routine 

grows too familiar.

What I seek are the resolution to contradictory desires.

What will I give up first: music or writing?

keep moving

the night is always beautiful.

the day is always bright.

live through the heartache

to become a better person.

Driving to the end of the map.

Guilty Mirrors Break

We make terrible choices all the time.

Relationships are made to stave off

the sense of loneliness and inadequacy

that has been fostered by a lifetime

of neglect and dashed expectations.

The belief that material possessions

can bring one closer to completion

is thoroughly believed and falls short

of what true contentment can be.

There is so much pain in so many eyes

on any given day in any place you look

that one wonders what it is that compels

us to push forward day by day to some

mystical end game we will never understand.

We seek happiness without ever wondering 

what it means and what it is.

It is a question worth asking 

even though the answer is only one

that we know once we have experienced it.

---------------------------------------

Most people want the very thing

that they cannot have.

The mind convinces itself

of the utter perfection of life

if this one thing,

one person 

could be obtained.

We are foolish in such ways.

Look at any friend or acquaintance

in your life and you will see the truth 

to this.

If you wish.

-----------------

Isolation

Sometimes it feels like I'm speaking

in a dark room to no one at all.

The realization hits

that it is the truth

and my fingers flutter

over keys in silence.

Vulnerable

You have been my biggest disappointment

and my only regret.

Love is all I have ever wanted and

it evades me at every turn.

Nothing can fill this aching part of myself.

The mindless pleasures of the flesh 

have been nothing more than glimpses at 

deeper joys denied to one as myself.

Other pursuits bring joy and connection

but not at the level I seek.

I cannot hold these things close to me on 

dark nights of doubt and introspection.

So I sit in silence

hoping someone is listening

and could be missing me,

maybe even needing me.

I have grown fearful 

of reaching out to those 

that I may grow to love

or could love me

from a history of rejection

and shattered expectation.

How much more can I take

until I decide this is

ENOUGH

and leave these thoughts

to the dustbins of the past?

For the love of Soap

jabon pequeno

keep singing

with your beautiful voice.

you tore my heart in two

seeing you onstage

pouring out your heart

to such a small crowd.

i could have cried

right then 

but you were so lovely.

keep singing

keep singing

and i'll keep

listening.

keep singing

and stir the worlds

heart.

A bristling sense of disgust

DOGS

We gaze upon our own image on the screen

and marvel at the beauty

of ourselves.

We are like the dog growling

at its own reflection in the water.

Narcissist?

We have scarcely heard the word

much less know its meaning.

Do we dare climb down from this precipice?

Or will we marvel blankly

at our own magnificence

until the sun falls from the heavens?

Living the lies of everyday lives

a life theology

the mirror beholds 

that we can never truly see.

we can witness

the passing of time

through the days 

we cross off on calendars .

a scary thing is seeing 

all those days behind us

reappearing on our skin.

it is the price we pay

for the simple sin of life.

this is a realm without

innocents,

that is the contrition

which must be paid.

sin rason

throwaway?

it is impossible

to know all 

the hopes and struggles

we each face in our 

individual lives.

that does not mean 

we shouldn't seek

a better understanding

of each other.

through simple feats

of language we should

strive to gain insight

into our fellow travelers.

New Hearts and Old Starts

fiction / non-fiction

all our lives are fiction 

until the need for action becomes

great enough that we rise

from our day to day lives

to transcend the present

and become something

without measure.

shared sunrise

take comfort in the knowledge

that all men rise 

with the same new dawn

every morning.

as great as some 

of the differences 

between us are made to seem

we all share such simple

things.

a new muse?

your smiling face

makes me believe

in something better

for all of us.

don't give your heart away

so easily to men who

have no interest in it.

you are the guiding light

to those of us in search

of the undefinable.

you embody a worldliness and innocence unlike anyone else i have ever known.

we don't always know what is best for us.

Death has a Lifewish.

but beautiful

Hammer

it is 

necessary

for words

to have the 

crushing power

of a

hammer

in order  

for any effect

to occur

in the lives

of those hungry 

empty

eyes.

beautiful blonde

your kind has always known 

the way to tug at the strings

attached to the heart

and the will to get things done.

that beautiful face of yours

could make me do anything 

in your service.

we shall see how tomorrow

shall go.

A New Grey Dawn

Any Other Guess?

What prevents us

from living life

fearlessly?

Insecurity

and the hardship

that is sacrifice

would be high up

on the list

of these things.

Rising

Waking every morning

is the hardest part of living.

Coming out of the ether

and into the conscious realm

is harsh even in the best

of circumstances.

Sickness

I love you

because I cannot have you.

I dream of you

because you are beyond my grasp.

I idealize you

because I am afraid of being closer.

I do this

so I can keep this game going . 

We are made whole

through our struggles

and learn the worth

to all we accomplish.

For My Father

for my father

this is a memory 

that comes down 

loud and clear in my mind

through all the years.

i remember

being a child

so innocent

as to believe

the unbelievable.

sitting in the car with my father

and looking at the red light

and hearing him say

green

and gesturing with his hand

at the light 

as it magically 

turned green.

i was astonished at my daddy

as only a little boy could.

he told me how he knew

but that did nothing to take away

the magic i felt for my dad

and how much i looked up to him.

even now i still strive

to be half the man

my dad has always been.

-----------------------------

The comfort the night provides me

is only equal to the unease

that a night alone can give.

quip

the future

never ceases

to be full of promise

as it is daunting.

Work In Progress

Fantasy and reality are not quite what they seem.

Unbound, unchained through the dreamers domain.

Where you walk,

I will follow.

Where I wander,

you will never know.

Sunrise and sunset both beautiful to behold.

Your laugh, your smile haunt every marked mile.

When I remember

I will forget.

When I am over

that cannot be it.

You Made Me Realise

You Made Me Realise

I run to you

and away from you

time to time.

We near completion

with each other

but are yet 

to seal the bond

that has bound 

us to each other.

Life is the process of forgetting in order to reach the future.

Your touch always reminds me of better things.

If we did not hope then we would have no future.

An embrace can be life saving.

Get Out

Horror

war is waged everyday

in every conceivable

landscape

both inner and outer.

these wars suffer

casualties in flesh

and thought.

one needn't die 

to be a casualty 

any longer.

there are those

who walk among us

as the living dead.

true innovation is always subject to both extreme good and extreme evil.

destination(s)

the future 

becomes much easier

and much harder

to bear 

once you realize

how much of it

is in your

own hands.

Reactivate

pre sent

sometimes

a change in scenery

is all it takes

to make one

feel reborn.

start

you start living when you stop caring.

one sided love will always
require distance
to break free of
its tiresome bonds.

your motives
are far too transparent
for them to
be anything more
than calculated moves
meant to unseat
reason from its perch.

Into Uncaring Arms

I used to wonder
about
you.

This

Words drip from
my fingers
and spill forth
into a world
that cares not
for reason
or charity.
The only
reason
or charity
to be had
is that which
we show each
other.


a type of truth

I empty my love
into those
who don't care for it.
I am empty
and ready
to try
once more.





Lust burns deep
in places where
the heart fears to tread.



relationships are a good way
to fall out of love with someone.

Me and You

I do not care to
ever be
WHOLE
or FULFILLED.
To reach such
a point
is to surrender
to the MEDIOCRITY
and COMPLACENCY
which consumes
our society.
Let us be
VIGILANT
and
ALERT
in order
to live lives
above those
who never
sought
more for
THEMSELVES.

another one

there is no point
in planning certain parts of your life.

one must be fluid
with the change
that comes.

all the flowers on the garden path

future tense

let us bury the past 

under the weight of today 

then walk over it

on our way to tomorrow.

runner

this past won't hold me back

anymore than your hand

on my shoulder

will keep me from running

headlong into wherever i need to be.

like an old friend

these words come out easy

in a one sided conversation.

silence...

then everything else is born from it.

A Change Of ...

Seasons

Our Summer sundays have passed us by.

The seasons have changed us

as we listen to the Autumn rain.

Bare branches point the way to the wind

which remains free

as we huddle around the embers

burning bright

in our homes.

Winter waits its turn

as Spring waits to be sprung.

Summer knows the wait is long

as its time is sweet. 

At Night

soon
one of these nights
we will finish
that which we
have begun.



some things are so much better
after a long wait.


Inhale life and act.

Thoughts in Portland

Distance Makes No Difference To The Heart

Behind my smile

have you ever thought

that I've been thinking of you

and what we could do

if we had the time 

to find some common ground

beneath our feet and beyond 

what we already share? 

I don't mind telling you this,

I just wish I could tell you 

face to face

but I'm just a fool who

daydreams about you.

See beyond what the eyes have to show

and look inside to know

if this could be real or if I should

let this become a permanent daydream.

We always reveal the most tender part of ourselves 

to those least likely to care.

My throat has become a raw wound aching at the world.

The Wait

The Wait

it is amazing what
nervous energy
will do to you.
the anticipation
of the coming moments
is what causes the mind
and body to reel at
the thought of what
is to come.

late night / early morning

Even idiocy is inspired every now and then.

"Sex is like an Idiot, it's running the free world."- Greg Comitz

More Alive Than Ever Before

more alive than ever before

that is not a lie,

that is not hyperbole.

that is simple fact.

I careen back and forth

everyday and every week

amongst places and people.

i wonder where i am at all times

and then i remember.





im still alive. maybe you just need to connect back to me.

ALIVE

i am still alive

my computer just wont let me get here

and do what i do

so i have gone back

to old fashion

pen and paper.

i await a regular return to here