History

Casey's

Survivor of a forgotten age

left to gather dust

on city streets.

monument to a time

that exists only in dust covered novels,

history peers out through architecture.

taps pour amber

like they always have.

glasses filling quickly.

buried deep,

memories of the past

still remain.

Eyes

Watching

empty yourself into the darkness.

stars watch

from interstellar distance.

the switch is off.

bodies move,

but to what beat?

exhalation.

it quickens

then

it comes.

stars watch

from interstellar distance.

Thanks

Thanks

it is the smallest of things

that drive us mad

and make us grateful.

often

they are interchangeable.

for that

we should be

grateful.

Progress

waiting for the lids to drop

as the sound invades the remains

of reason.

c-clamorrringg,

e c h o .

it relents,

charges through the gates

into the landscape ahead.

Ashen Will

Colors drip from the walls.

Smearing in waves,

they drip down to the floor.

Like the rainbow

all run together.

_____________

Black Out

it has burned out.

stumbling through familiarity,

awkward at best.

stubbing feet,

lights curses

under mumbled breath.

only silence,

darkness

outside.

the heavens burning,

infinite pinpoints

still ablaze.

how fortunate

we are.

Wil?

Will

I will

I will

I will

I WILL

this.

I will

I will

do this.

Will I?

Will I?

I will

when

I find you.

This Fall

November Nights

in the glow of the courtyard

the city hums in the distance.

mere moments

away,

its heart beats.

dark waters touch

the edge of land.

bodies sleeping,

screens flickering,

voices

talking to no one

at all.

eyelids finally

closed.

Nights

Recent

your skin glistening.

dew drops on leaves,

you stay

with me.

a warm

dark

place.

A Needed Reminder

Our words

(actions)

hold each other up.

If not for struggling

madmen/women

such as ourselves,

we would have given up.

We share this struggle

and persevere.

Pseudo-Ku 2:Electric Boogaloo

A Meditation On -

Sitting there waiting.

The days, the leaves falling by.

Eyes babble like brooks.

Black hair is peppered.

Dark clouds spread across the sky.

A newborn cries near.

A candle flickers.

Sitting by an open window.

Dinner grows colder.

Opalescent glass.

Afghan covering her lap.

Eyes straining for light.

It will bend too fast.

Eternal impermanence.

It will bend too slow.

_________________

i just wrote a few.

they are often called haiku.

astral sandwich man.

Who?

Los Juegos Que Jugamos
IT (i)'S all that is ON

my MIND.

I can't help myself.

IT'S all I'm

thinking ABOUT

when i see

YOU.

it's not hard to see

what IT is.

but you will wonder

all the same.

A Game?

a game.

Again.

Incident At 915 Mateo

The Sound of Silence

and

nothing more.

the bottle is as empty as your black eyes.

The Story Of This Night

blue boys pulling up

and breaking up

our fun.

the midnight hour

shows its face

as we lumber into

the streets.

darkness creeps in every corner,

shadows play for your eyes alone.

this darkness,

alone.

Strange Beauty

Strange Beauty

haunting me.

Strange Beauty

blinding me.

Strange Beauty

are you missing me?

Strange Beauty

staring at the mirror.

Strange Beauty

wanting me.

Strange Beauty

where are you?

Strange Beauty

is there more?

Strange Beauty

are you forgetting me?

Strange Beauty

makes no sound.

Strange Beauty

no longer around.

Strange.

The Same Old Frustration

Loop
Over and Over?

Over and Over.

Over & Over?

Over & Over.

Over and Over and Over?

Over and Over and Over.

Over & Over & Over?

Over & Over & Over.

Over and Over and Over again?

Over and Over and Over again.

Over & Over & Over again?

Over & Over & Over again.

Again?

Again.

Again?

Again.

Again?

Again.

Again?

Again.

Again?

Again.

# # # # # # #

Over and Over

AGAIN.

"If you've found your peace, the devils are really angels, freeing you from the earth."

Base

Like a magnet

drawn to iron,

Eyes gravitate

to voluminous curves.

A simple attempt to

sate biological

desire.

Eyes wander

like vagabonds

searching for shelter.

A home found in you.

Fleeting, All Too Fleeting.

The Nature Of Our Current Attributes

All too fleeting,

we lament its loss

when it is gone.

Enjoy it

while it embraces you.

When it has passed

only regret remains,

staining their windows

peering out

into the

world.

Close The Distance

Of Proximity

Sand in an hour glass

tumbling down

into the curves,

a mound building.

Seconds,

Minutes,

Hours.

Your words

find my ears.

Find yourself

here.

Pseudo-Ku.

like flawless crystal.

scattered chirps in the wind.

voices like a brook.

the sound of applause.

body molding to the grass.

silence? no, not here.

the leaves are trembling.

an apathetic wind blows.

ants in transition.

lost in inner space,

isolated by the sound,

connection is lost.

In The Court Of Darkness

Deepest Darkness

In the darkness

we unleash our greatest demons.

Murder.

Rape.

Beatings.

Robbery.

Infidelity.

We play with our demons

the same way

a toddler plays with their toys.

Consequence

is of no consequence.

Our avarice grows

as

day

becomes

night.

Self Portrait

Self Portrait

Sometimes

I'd bite my tongue so hard

it'd begin to bleed a bit.

It would drip down the sides

of my mouth.

Drying into maroon,

it would

crack and fleck off.

Sometimes

I'd bite my tongue so hard

I'd bite a piece off.

I'd spit out

the dripping piece of meat

and observe it.

Once a part of me,

now nothing but dead flesh.

I've done this for years.

You cannot speak

without a tongue.

Lions In Wait

How We Do

Like restless lions

lounging in the savannah,

we wait.

Q & A

Is it for naught?

Is it for keeps?

Is it forever?

Is it fleeting?

Is it true?

Is it false?

Is it love?

Is it disgust?

Is it expectation?

Is it disappointment?

Is it lethargy?

Is it restlessness?

Is it all of these?

it always is.

___________________

We take this all

far too seriously.

Superdrag

Current Destination: Ursa Major

A summary of years through the sounds of our youth.

Like that first kiss, you always remember when THAT

song came and changed your life. Switching from Black

and White to glorious Technicolor.

*

"Destination, Ursa Major. Destination, Ursa Major."

*

All these years later it still sounds like it did then, full

of life, full of the joy that is lost too often among our peers.

*

"Destination, Ursa Major. Destination, Ursa Major."

oooeiae?aooooeia.

Hw lng ds t tk?

fr t lng sm mght s(y).

Don't believe in fate

or risk falling into

the folly of Oedipus.

Even the blind can see

truth those without sight

cannot.

Pressure

Winter grows in my heart

as the seasons change.

Stirring the honey in the jar

I know how you are.

Pressure

Fault lines shake when the pressure

becomes too great.

The buildings tremble

The bodies cower

a s i t fee

l s li k e g o

d hi m sel f

i s wr e n chi ng th

e w or

ld ap a

rt.

GET ON WITH IT.

GET ON WITH IT (only one place to point the finger)

WHEN WILL YOU

be quiet

and do

what you've said

you would always do?

some

of us

are sick

of waiting

for the next step.

FIRE

Pour that fire down

to find the abandon you had buried.

_____________________

Truth In Advertising

I'd rather

you be here

than the emptiness

embracing me,

calling me to bed,

calling me to bed

but it isn't you.

It isn't your body there

waiting for me.

It isn't your body that

will keep me warm tonight.

Shivering in the dark

I will dream of your flesh

holding me,

bringing me closer

to that

we all seek.

_________________

The Easy Way

It would be

far too easy

to

simply give in.

I don't.

I court the embrace

of madness,

taking her hand

we dance all night

until she finds

where

to sink her fangs in.

She feeds

until

She has her fill.

Eyes close,

the darkness

conquers the light.

The Eyes Have It

The Shortcomings of Language

Enchanting orbs

dance and flicker

back and forth.

Be they

Brown, Blue & Green

they dance and flicker delightfully.

Speaking a language they call their own,

immune to the constraints

of language and grammar,

purity in thought and expression.

You blush,

eyelashes flit

open and closed,

a slight tilt of the head,

a smile spreading

like the noon time sun.

This is the only language we need,

the only language worth anything.

If This Is Not Achieved, You Have Failed.

The Desired Effect

Teeth bared,

saliva dripping

in anticipation.

Skin bracing

for canines

to tear through flesh

in the manner creation

saw fit to be.

Eyes shut tight,

mind and body

brace for bloodshed.

________

NOTHING.

________

Breath

hot & humid

as hell itself

touches skin,

recoils into gooseflesh.

Eyes open

s l o w l y

to see the muzzle

regain its composure.

It's eyes peer curiously,

burning memory

of the moment.

It nuzzles close

for one final

look,

pulls it head back

then trots

away.

Exhilaration.

Relief.

In The Darkness Of The Ordinary

In The Darkness Of The Ordinary

Shadows play behind you

as smoke billows around us.

Wood creaks beneath our feet,

night grows colder still.

Visions flash

like strobing light,

hand to hand

we pass

the means of our rapture.

Calm perfection

fills the dark.

Together,

only this.

The End Of The Saga

The End Of The Saga

Sitting in front of a stack of vinyl

it began to ring.

It could only have been you.

Brief and beautiful,

our final words to each other

on this cross continental divide.

A few words followed by

Goodbye.

"Goodbye."

I Love You.

"I Love you."

That is how it ended.

Loose Seal

Seal In The Waterway

Stranded in cast concrete,

your body barely touching water.

Fins outstretched,

your head raised slowly,

looked up at us.

Eyes that could tell us

how it went wrong.

Is it too late?

Let's Call It Love

My dear it comes pouring out don't call it love don't call it anything

everything buried exhumed I can hear you shout above the beat

crashing through volume exerting muscle say my name say anything

at all just to hear your voice that bestial wail that beat breaking into

a roll strings chugging your lips kissing mic no more waiting only

living lets call it love dark streets empty darkness obscured by day

is it is it is it is it more than this is could be nothing at all it could be

this is it this is it this ? don't call it anything call it everything it is it is

this it is this it isn't everything it is only some thing some one some won

some forget some regret some lament it is it isn't every thing it is the

only thing it is the only thing worth worth any thing worth forgetting

this could be how love comes to pass this is how the days are torn from

us this is peace this is frailty this is strength this is no thing it is just it is

this it is just this justice the sum of karmic action reap the crops of the

field hands toiling brows heavy with sweat loves nectar pouring down

your back so pure a sight never to be seen scene again a simple outpour

of grief of everything buried everything hoped for all ambitions relinquished

to reality to this harsh light to this harsh world every thing no thing no one

no won no cause to fight no fight cause drowning in amber choking on it

giving in accepting fate oedipus' folly ignorance masters of our destinies

pull back the brooches your eyes illuminate the world truth illuminate

what you have ignored the self the self should be revealed destroyed re built

into the desired form no fate no destiny only that which rests in these fragile

hands pounding writing loving clenching caressing missing longing for tha

connection that was real any thing to feel that again any thing any one is but

is not enough it is never enough selfish ego gratify your self gorge on your

pity have your fill then vomit all into the darkness the bile running from your

lips all this all nothing all every thing all of this is this is this is this is this is

Note: due to my inability to figure out the formatting on this page this is not how

this piece is meant to be seen. i had intended it to be one massive block of text

and not this crap. but what does it matter i suppose. either that or it should have

appeared double spaced. so unless i can figure that out this is as it appears but

again definitely as i envisioned it.

The Next Step

The Next Step

One foot placed in front

of the other.

Repeat ad infinitum.

This leads to everything.

All joy,

All heartbreak,

one endless path.

When our feet stop

moving,

collapsing in the dirt

another will take their

place.

As it should be,

As it is,

As it will always be.

How It Ended

Summary

That is what it is to say goodbye.

On a dark street

at 3 a.m.

watching you drive

into the distance.

A sum of years.

This Constant Concern

This Constant Concern

Alive but not living. Living but not Alive. Connection, Connections

is what it is all about now. Displaying our peacock fineries

in digital worlds, transmitted to the glass eyes in every home.

Has distance increased? What is the value to our modernity?

The world is a short distance away by keystroke. Has the

mystery disappeared or has the depth to inner space increased?

Connections disconnecting wires fraying sparks emitted flames

consuming burning smoldering smoking ash smudging fingers.

Sun King touch my skin, let me feel warmth, let me burn let me

remember what it is to be unbound from shackles embrace.

Recurring Theme To These Days

Silence in inner space.

Silent Winter grows colder with absence.

The Horizon Viewed By Day/Night

Far and distant shores await your arrival

as ours strain to let you go. Remember the

land which gave you life as you look back

on the scraps of memory you take. This is

as life should be. Is this as life should be?

We make the answers to the questions we

ask. Time melts, drips over the horizon.

The road forks, fades from memory. A set

ting sun, night. Sunrise once more, daylight.

A Borrowed Record, Reminiscing

Pie Americana

the needle skips across the vinyl,

an ever present hiss.

slide it back into the sleeve,

set it back into the pile.

American Pie

it says, a painted thumb sticking out

at you.

sliding out the disc for the first time,

remembering you.

what took so long?

absence,

a hiss,

the needle

falls into the groove.

3

our lives and fame are fleeting.

if we yield to others expectations of ourselves then we fail ourselves.

we laughed and drank so much that life itself shook itself to sleep.

Thoughts on 'Muzzle'

Muzzle

I fear that I am ordinary, just like everyone To lie here and die among the sorrows Adrift among the days For everything I ever said And everything I’ve ever done is gone and dead (chorus) As all things must surely have to end And great loves will one day have to part I know that I am meant for this world My life has been extraordinary Blessed and cursed and won Time heals but I’m forever broken By and by the way... Have you ever heard the words I’m singing in these songs? It’s for the girl I’ve loved all along Can a taste of love be so wrong (chorus) And in my mind as I was floating Far above the clouds Some children laughed I’d fall for certain For thinking that I’d last forever But I knew exactly where I was And I knew the meaning of it all And I knew the distance to the sun And I knew the echo that is love And I knew the secrets in your spires And I knew the emptiness of youth And I knew the solitude of heart And I knew the murmurs of the soul And the world is drawn into your hands And the world is etched upon your heart And the world so hard to understand Is the world you can’t live without And I knew the silence of the world From the Mellon Collie and The Infinite Sadness Record by The Smashing Pumkins written by Billy Corgan _______________________________________ When I first heard this song as a kid in junior high I loved it but I never entirely knew why. The music moved and lifted itself and you during every listen. It was part of the larger tapestry of music which is the Mellon Collie and The Infinite Sadness record by the Smashing Pumpkins. There came a large gap of years where I didn't really listen to them or this album. Recently I started revisiting this album which is something I do from time to time with records I have loved in the past. Listening to the album as a young adult in my mid-20's the lyrics have taken on a new dimension that had previously escaped me. Being in this age range feels like a second adolescence. Seeing friends and acquaintances go through the same struggles for life and meaning that being a teenage did to us but now with greater consequences than before. The song starts off with a line that could be attributed to the thoughts of almost any person at some point in their life: "I fear that I am ordinary, just like everyone." As a young adult that is definitely a thought and fear that has seeped into my head from time to time. So much time and energy has been spent hoping and believing that I am special, that I am different. That is a very self-absorbed thought to have but it is one that has allowed me to pursue music and writing as creative outlets with the aspiration to one day have them be what sustains me in this world. The odds are stacked against us but perhaps it doesn't hurt to believe that maybe, just maybe I am special, I am unlike everyone. One of the lessons from this song has been the impermanence of life and love. "As all things must surely have to end and great loves will one day have to part."One of the harshest lessons that life imparts to all of us is the fleeting nature of our lives in this world. Nothing stays static, life is in constant motion. This can be a beautiful, wonderful thing while other times it can be terrifying and disorienting. Love has always been a complicated thing for myself. There have been a few people who I can claim to have honestly loved. Not that sappy passing fancy bullshit most people misconstrue as love but rather that deeper sense of bonding and connection to someone where their mere presence lifts you up and make you feel like a better person. Losing that or having it be unreturned is something no one will ever forget. It is a growing pain which illustrates how unlike a movie life can be. Life gives no guarantee of a happy ending but it should make you strive and hope towards something greater. That love is something perhaps someday will be found again. To hear those words come from that song is a reminder of everything that has happened and may happen still. There is more to say on this but it will have to wait for when there is more time.

Cuerpos

Cuerpos

they come

and

they go

they come

and

they go.

what is the weight

of these words?

what is the value

of our actions?

bodies

pass through

hands,

beds.

what is

immemorial?

Spark, Embers, Ash

Spark, Embers, Ash

that first time

flint hit,

sparks.

the burning wick

lit the way

for so long.

flickering,

dying slowly.

a small puff

of smoke

floats gently

into air.

Precursor To Our Goodbye. A Night Alone, Together

I

I read the last few months on your face,

wearing it like a noose.

Our estrangement has been self-enforced,

how quickly it fell away.

Red lit illumination

showered us

sitting there

holding each other

s o l o n g s o l o n g s o l o n g.

Breathing deeply of your scent,

our silence.

Spreading the hours wide

drinking out of a jug of wine,

we got so close.

It came

it came

out,

everything

cooped up,

everything

hidden

came out to say

hello.

All we could do,

All we could say

was

drink

drink

drink

and say

how much

we would miss each other.

II

Where you go there is no return. The ties are being severed gently

but irrevocably. Have you found what you are looking for?Will you

find it there? I can't tell you, I can't know. Your answers, Your heart

are your own.

III

One week from today it will be over.

It will be

finally

totally

completely

OVER.

then what?

Like A Drug Trip That One Time When I Was On A Drug Trip

Purveyors Of Mothers Milk

shrouded in smoke,

eyes open to the kaleidoscope

shimmering in the darkness.

black and white abstractions strafe

sensory channels,

flashing,

contorting

into desolate trees

turning in the horizon.

dreaming and drowning

dreaming and drowning.

Non-Sequitur

selfishly

you came to me.

opal eyes

burn this prairie

with a glance.

it ran aground

its sail

flapping

in the wind.

beauty faded,

night once more.

spent your love

now

I am broke

and alone.

we cannot salvage this.

love a memory,

friendship buried

six feet deep.

only this.

only now.

In This Darkness

It Lurks, Waiting

sitting, waiting, moving, running,

it remains, a dangling shadow over you.

biding its time, it rears its face, a reminder

of looming fate.

you forget, don't you? for the best you suppose,

to be able to make it through the days and nights.

in silence it grabs you while you sleep

dragging you through the darkness,

your chest caving in, eyes alight.

s u b m i s s i o n.

Let's Call It Love

A Familiar Insanity

We know

each other better

than most.

Time has bred this

within us.

On the dusty path

we see our steps

trailing behind us.

It continues ahead

if we choose

to see it through,

_

_

_

we always do.

Madness with the Madmen

Is Madness

is madness

what drives this world?

is madness

responsible for the shattered dreamers?

is madness

the root of our money?

is madness

at the core to our entertainment?

is madness

our modus operandi?

is madness

the new normalcy?

is madness

the latest fashion trend?

is madness

going to always be in vogue with the creative set?

is madness

sparked or innate?

is madness

only for the few or the many?

is madness

loves twisted corollary?

is madness

driving us insane?

is madness

is madness

is madness

is madness

is madness

flawed ,

repetitious?

is madness

our way of living?

While The Neighbors Are Away

Observation On A Worker Bee Morning

Monday morning

and the neighbors are all gone.

Their parking spaces

behind the apartment are empty.

In the courtyard

our lions

hide in the urban savannah,

their furred faces

recalling lineage.

It is sweet,

warm

and burning

bright.

It is as beautiful as

it should be.

It is as beautiful as

it always is

whether or not

we ever notice.

When (Machine Gun)

When (Machine Gun)

When the cities begin to crumble

When the earth cracks open its gaping maw

When children cry uncontrollably

When the elderly live to see loves mortality

When friendships end

When love becomes hatred

When lust is not enough

When drink is not enough

When drugs are not enough

When god is not enough

When entertainment is hollow

When the books are all blank

When the only sound is silence

When you give up

When you carry on

When you forget

When you lose yourself in the moment

When you escape momentarily

When pain grips you

When love mutilates you

When children run from you

When enough is never so

When too much is not a question

When you cry alone

When you carry the casket

When you relinquish your past

When it becomes that

When it falls apart

When it is glued together again

When you embrace

When you neglect

When you scream

When you cry

When you dream

When you let it

When you get it

When you take a life

When you give life

When you write

When you go to church

When you vote

When you have bad choices

When that shoelace breaks

When it ends inevitably

When it's over

When it begins

IT WILL SOUND LIKE THIS

Dead Souls

What They Say

where is the story?

is it found in the tedium?

is it found in the details of the mundane?

OR

does it come out on those nights

when we gather in packs

at each others homes

drinking the well dry

and burning all the grass of the fields?

some might say

some might say.

those that don't

say nothing

at all.

each day

inches

us closer

to the

future.

it fades into the background like a low level hum so constant it is barely noticed.

love will let you go.

The Boy With The Glass Hands.