tried

can you tell yourself that at the end of the day

does the mirror show you what you wish to see

or do you avoid it altogether
______________________

I tried i really tried with you I tried as hard as I could and it was nothing nothing nothing nothing at all just
words that have emptied just nothing nothing at all what a waste of time what a selfish bastard I have been
just nothing no one selfish asshole get it off your chest just say it out loud type it over and over and over until the words run together until they don't make sense until meaning is meaningless thin lines border our lives into compartments much easier to understand our madness is our its relatable to the lonely mind when you go and try to understand the frayed wires of someone else's logic expect nothing more than an electrical burn you won't do that again can you trust yourself and what is the self good fucking riddance is that what I want to believe is that truth what objective reality can exist when this subjective nature colors everything a blinding red I give up not on me on you the final disappointment to end all overs no big deal big deal none at all nothing at all just pouring out nonsense just feeling the keys run quick just need to deal just need to find what is real or hologram even the dead are no longer sacred to us anymore just what I need just what I need to hear to see to feel to touch a lifetime of love denied or spurned by myself I am babel I am language upon language cast off onto the earth never able to speak to my brothers my sisters that creation was the ultimate act of division I've lost the words I tried to find duplicitous plicity I don't believe that is even a word just keep going what else is there to do with your idle time the boredom that bores you the boredom that nurtures you into a stupor of the mind and a stupor of the senses when enough poison fills you as to render you senseless and unfeeling an escape of need an escape due to weakness I am more frail than I let my guilty hands my sinning mind I can't profess faith but I cannot disavow I can't decide I don't want to decide on the strangeness that is our lives I can't hide my disappointment in god but it's not his fault god is neither man nor woman god is a label we gave to the forces we cannot understand
the forces we will never comprehend our fear of death will always motivate our actions and hopes we stand facing a ceaseless chasm of fear that is only a mirror stare out into the ocean late at night and it will move into an eternal state of darkness if there is no moon to shine above but it is there, the moon that is, because the tides move tethered to her hands ebbing flowing coming going I have tried and so has god and what more can I expect for this deity creation is stranger than we can imagine we just choose to ignore it and do so at our peril run run run run run take your own advice and just run run run run how good it feels how great it is to escape how tied we are to the wheel is it of our choosing what joy can we create from our pain what is the purpose to art to this divine creation I find nothing i look for nothing I correct no mistakes there are none can you read this are you reading this am I paying any attention to my fingers right now or have I let them run amuck amuck a mic laugh a little don't cry but let yourself if you have to you will eventually but you won't know when it will just be and then just let it be let it be be yourself let yourself be be humble set yourself into the world correct your errors and if you can't learn don't grow bitter must you always remind yourself of this find love or don't or let it find you don't worry or worry all the time find the joy in each day become a cliche buy a home with a white picket fence go to church stay within the margins of the line and never ever write a page length of free writing thats no good.