Maria

Every day the phone rings

and I hear your voice.

A continent divides us

but your words

are breathed into my ears.

How have we borne 

this separation

and survived?

That which binds us

holds us gentle and firmly.

What shall be first?

A kiss or embrace?

Will it be both at once?

A journey beginning anew.

Certainty in an uncertain world.

Between Words

I listen to Leonard sing and talk.

He always knew how to say 

what needed to be said.

I listen as closely as I can 

to decode what more can be found

in the spaces between words 

and punctuation. 

Is that what he wanted?

Can everything be found

in what is already there?

Ocean and Earth

The tides are welling up within me-

searching for a place to break through.

Any crack, any open space will do.

I am ocean and earth.

I am wind cresting over the waves

and running through the leaves.

How can I be everything?

Everything is me and it has

always been so.

Cinema Verite

Start the morning with coffee and cake.

Sit down and find the words clinging

to the edges of consciousness, waiting 

their turn to organize the chaos of being.

Traipse through fond recollection and 

not so reliable memory. Scene missing.

Blurred scenes. Plot points vague and

uncertain. How much time was that?

The camera lens is fixed on one position.

The weather is clear, the sun is lighting

enough for the scene. Action. One 

continuous take. Just this moment.

Memorial Cinema

We who touched each other 

as preciously as fine china,

as roughly as clothes tossed

carelessly into a dirty hamper.

What of us, what of then,

movies in the cinema of the mind,

hearts still racing at what has gone,

a story with firm conclusion.

Bookshelves

When the faces have gone 

all that's left is memory

staining the paper 

of the books, 

collecting dust unseen

sitting on seldom

traveled shelves.

Your face between pages,

my eyes struggling 

to see us as we were then.

The Living

That which does not change does not live.

How do passing seasons 

know when to end-

to begin?

What consciousness permeates

existence beyond 

the observable?

Night approaches-

stars dotting darkness- 

light traveling through vastness. 

Wind rustles the leaves,

unseen sun brightens other lands.

Sincerity and Conquest

Too many men,

and it's almost always men, 

have wasted too many lives,

too many words,

trying to conquer

that which is unconquerable,

that which can only be held

temporarily by force.

They all forget one crucial 

point, the words 

that actually rule the world,

I love you.

pregnant grey clouds burst

quenching thirst of a parched land

everything will bloom

Growing Closer

One day, one night at a time,

these hours fade into one another,

a pastel smear of time blended

into a new color on the palette.

Dearest, we have endured this

separation, each moment brings us

so much closer to embracing,

exchanging vows.

Give me rest, give me peace of mind,

your body pressed next to mine,

your head upon my chest.

Younger Days

Hard living youth 

is how I describe 

the last twenty years

of my life.

Certainly, I didn't live

as dangerously as others

but there is so much more

I could have been.

There is no time for regret.

There is only now.

How wondrous 

to be here still!

These words are not as poetic

as one would wish

but they are as honest

as I can be right now.

Not every poem needs

to change the world.

Some are content 

to just be.

It Is Yours

Make the best of this time

because the sky shines for you

the rain falls for you

the flowers bloom for you

because you are living for you

because you are part of this whole

and this world is greater with you

Don't be afraid

Move through this world

for it is yours

Giving Thanks

You said you didn't want to go

That you didn't want to lose me

I held you close and said don't go

Stay here with me

You ended up leaving

Found a love

A new life

New adventures

A daughter

What happened to me

I stayed

Wondered how you were

Lived my life

Drifted in my work

Found love

Hit bottom

Am alive enough now

to be thankful for everything

Morning Meditation

Making plans

one word at a time 

Creating a future

from air

Breathe in

Hold it

Breathe out

Wind through leaves

Water lapping the shore

Is it one or the other

Both

Neither

Doesn't matter

Let go

Casting

I've got a curse for you

Cast these words from my tongue

A hex

A hex

on you

You're done

but we're not through

I've got a curse

on you

Don't Pay

I pay no attention to my attention

It can't grab me anymore

I won't let it

I won't let me

Dwell on anything

Just now

Just what

is passing through

synapses

on my way

to take this nap

I pay no attention

to anything anymore

This world

has grabbed me 

too many times

to let me watch 

the scenes before me

Morning colors me

Consciousness blooms once again

More plant than human

Know

You are here.

I am here with you.

This much is true.

You can hear my voice

within you.

Perhaps it sounds

much like you

or maybe

it sounds just like me.

It doesn't matter.

What matters

is that we're here

together.

Now is it.

Now is now.

Now is forever.

That's it.

Simple.

I'm so glad 

we're here 

together.

Don't feel alone.

You're not.

You never have.

You never will.

The universe

is holding your hand.

You don't need to believe

what simply is.

Morning Light

Yes. Yes, yes, yes.

These mornings are so different now.

What is it about the light surrounding me

that brings me back home?

The day is here.

I am here.

We are here

together.

The Old Life

The old life was what it was. It's fine.

Or it was for it's time. 

I don't want it all back.

It can stay in conversation and memory.

I was always dying

and being resurrected.

This new existence-

is it an afterlife?

I'm not entirely sure.

Surely, I am lucky.

I am fortunate. 

I know that much.

I'm not as blind as I used to be.

I still like company,

I still like feeling useful.

Why did I fight myself for so long?

So much to think upon.

So many words coming home.

Think of the green leaves

Bare branches are dreaming yet

Awaiting sweetness

Pointless Worry

Say what you want.

Don't worry about who is listening.

Can you be honest with me? With yourself?

I don't need to be drunk to say what's on my mind.

Why so much worry? Is your worry healing you?

You know the answer as much as I.

What can we count on as certainty?

Birth, death, love, kindness, hurt, pain, 

scars, forgotten memories, second chances

and moments lost forever.

I know the truth as it beats.

It is insistent.

It persists until it cannot.

Snowmelt

Feet standing in the rushing river

Looking towards the mountains

Snowmelt changing states

A rock in my fist

Thrown

Splashing ahead

or perhaps behind 

Direction isn't the point

It comes to rest 

For a moment

it knew flight

Seconds to Infinity

How many years did I chase away

searching for the wrong things

Now I treasure what has always 

been there waiting for me to understand

Days and nights go by faster

than they ever did when I was a child

Stop thinking about the hourglass

Stop thinking about the hands

ticking across the face

tick tick tick

tick tick tick

Expectations

Does it matter if the words are the right ones?

Is it more important for the words 

to convey the sense of truth?

If the truth is conveyed 

then they were the right ones.

How should I use my voice?

I am speaking beyond my body.

I am speaking beyond the limitations

imposed on us all.

No great expectations 

except to merely have you

find these words with your eyes.

When Two Are One

Listening to you over the phone

So excited about your new car

Of course you are

I would be

Your father has gone to the hospital

to make his daily visit 

to see your mother

All she wants to do is come home

All I want to do is to be there 

Both desires are the same place

Azure

This heaven is only heaven

when you're around

Bring it down

to the earth

Drown in azure blue

Humans

What I fool I was

and continue to be.

Bodies of Water

Does the rain ever wonder

where it's going

as it falls from the clouds,

landing here,

there, and who knows where?

Droplets gathering together en masse

become pools of water

on pothole riddled roads,

splashing as cars rumble through

unaware of their presence 

on ill lit roads on dark nights.

Do they find peace

within placid lakes

reflecting coniferous bodies?

Do they marvel at the creatures

moving within them?

It's hard to say 

how the rain feels 

as they turn to bodies of water

spread through the earth,

or coursing inside

self-aggrandizing primates.

Checking In

It had been some time since

we had checked in with each other.

Steve died the day before Mother's Day.

We reached out to see if the others

had heard about the news.

Turns out we all knew.

Last time I saw him

was hanging out

at a bar just down the road.

He looked a little worse for the wear

but seemed alright 

all things considered.

He was in a halfway house he said.

I thought I'd see him again.

I thought the same thing

years ago the last time 

I saw his little brother

before he overdosed.

I thought of their mother.

Her grief at losing another son.

I didn't know her well enough to reach out.

I hope their little brother is ok.

I sit here alone

listening to jazz-

thinking 

of who has been lost

and how much more

there is to go.

Compilation

The days don't feel as bright without you around.

How can the sun shine without your smile beaming in my face?

I vastly underestimated how much I've come to love you.

I worry. I worry so much my worries have worries

and those worries are thinking about therapy.

My mind is often caught between reality and possibility.

What will it take to calm this anxious mind?

One cannot live like this indefinitely.

Better angels must take over.

Bask in NOW

and take care 

of what must be taken care of.

Good Morning

Don't be surprised 

when I tell you

I feel better 

when you're around.

How familiar we are

with one another-

I feel better 

when you're around.

I want to wake up

every morning 

with my arms

around you.

I want this life

to be our life

our happily ever 

after for good.

No fairy tale can

ever be unending

doesn't mean 

I don't want to try.

Kiss me when I wake up

Kiss me just because

Kiss me to say goodnight

All my kisses are yours

The Worry You Carry

The worry you carry

is a weight

you can unload

if you stop 

to rest 

along the path.

Wind, sun, and sky.

Feel it within. 

enough

Your voice is the balm

easing me into rest.

Closing my eyes

your words are comfort.

The world grows small

enough for two.

Reprieve

She's home

and you're so tired.

So happy to hear

your mother's voice.

Soft yawns.

I tell you

to go to sleep.

You need to get up

early for work.

We say our

I love you's

I miss you's

A distance of time

and tiredness.

My eyes tear up

from exhaustion.

So I think.

Oh how I miss you

Oh how I miss you

Continental Divide

Oh, I miss you!

Yes, yes I do.

Do you believe me?

I hope you do.

This longing,

must we endure it?

For now.

For now. 

Change, My Darling. Change.

Who are you becoming?

Do you still recognize yourself?

Are there many grey hairs?

Do you dye them or let them be?

Can you hear everything ok?

Do your thoughts ever get muddied?

How long does it take you to find the word?

Is that the right word?

Are you becoming kinder

and more patient?

Do you tell everyone

I love you

whenever you have the chance?

You should do that no matter what.

Cold winters,

hot summers,

a spring caught in between,

birthdays and holidays

marking time,

letting it wash over us,

knocking us into the surf,

looking for our new glasses,

knowing the sea has claimed them

The Writer of Average Skill and Intelligence

My drinking was the least interesting part of me.

It consumed me for far longer than I would have liked.

How many people believe the cowardly myth

of the great genius alcoholic writer alone with a bottle, 

their troubles, and a writing tool of choice, on those

long and lonely nights of drinking towards ecstasy?

The only creation was a dark void I kept feeding.

What was the point of those years? What did I learn?

I never want to be a great genius alcoholic writer.

It was killing me. I was never a genius to begin with

and I am certainly not one now.

The Professors

Waves moving in and out

The steady pace of water

Darkness enfolding us

Hands and bodies entwining

Lights disappearing into the darkness

Breath painting over windows

Lights approach and pull alongside

Told to move along 

We laugh nervously

Finding more seclusion

Only to be approached again

We laugh at our fortune

What song was playing 

I'll never remember

The Obsession

How much beauty must I consume

until I have been sated

Taut young skin

Lustrous locks

Eyes that pierce deeper

than a bow

Graceful gestures of the hands

covering obscenity

Obsession renewed 

generation by generation

Propagation the endgame

Nature enduring

Vessels for life

Beauty in decay

A rose dried up

in the vase

The Weight

I am a poet of no particularly grand vision

My imagination goes forth in spurts

feeding off of memory- 

embellishing here and there

My concerns for my loved ones

weigh more heavily than the world

How much do I carry

How much have I let go

How much more will I lose

Everything

in time

Tenderness

Days before Valentine's

88 degrees

You tell me how nice 

the weather has been

It's in the 40's over there

Your father is doing ok

considering the circumstances

with your mother-

still in the hospital

for a few more weeks

We're all hoping for the best

My attention span

isn't what it used to be

I'm trying to keep it straight

I'm no ruler

not even a plain straight edge

though I keep things

ordered in ways 

I think about the day before

New Year's Eve

your Mother in her wheelchair

brush in your hand

combing her hair

the two of you unaware

I'm just out of sight

watching a moment

more tender

than the heavens 

could allow

I, Vampire

Who was I then

Who am I now

reading through

old words

thoughts

and memories

The self

cannot see 

the reflection

in the mirror

Does the self

now feast

on human blood

For Maggie

Living   breathing

caught be tween

light   darkness 

                 and light

Winter's fingers grip

a little while longer

Temporal

I drift in the sea

between continents.

Calmness

caresses me.

Blue softer

than sky

above us.

Those who 

love us

carry us

into the future

 

Satchidananda

Eternal Ocean-

how deeply do your waters

move within me?

Waves crashing upon 

shores of memory.

Is this Yes?

Is this Now?

Yes and Yes.

Give and give

kindness.

From yourself

an endless spring.

Drink.

An Exercise in Freedom

I have to let my mind speak as quickly as it wishes

If I am to let it free itself from that which holds it.

What is the point of doing anything except that which

aligns with the heart? Tell me the worth, the value?

I listen to Leonard. His voice could be an aged wounded

lion resting on the savannah. What would he say of all

the lives he has taken? Necessary. Were I to forfeit my 

life for want of food? To live I must kill. Obligation and

necessity. Teeth sinking into flesh, blood staining fur. 

A sacrament eternally renewed. Listening, yes, I am 

listening. I must allow myself freedom. Cut the anxiety

and worry and let the moment be. This moment. One 

and only. Holy, holy, holy. I will sleep in peace knowing

you are next to me. Breathing with eyes closed. Holy.

There is no end to us. There is only being. There is only

rearrangement. New visions from old matter. Explain

consciousness. Ah, yes. Yes. Sit here and listen to the 

story of existence. First there was nothing, then everything.

Nothing was possible. Everything became possible. 

A squirrel scrambling up a tree. You, watching from the

corner of an eye, being and letting be.

Many Faces

The many faces of God

I am that which is I

This body

This home

Eternal

Temporary

Behind your eyes

all answers unfold

Breathing

Breathing

In

Out

Breathing

Breathing

Let Me Be This

Let this love wash over me.

Let this life wash over me.

Exalted. Holy.

Let me be the water in the stream.