Saturday, January 22, 2022

Starlight

Time isn't what we believe.
Can we live
unstuck
from our perceptions?
Toddling along
walking for the first time,
driving a car alone,
drunk with a friend,
sitting with a dying parent,
awaiting my own transition.
Is this the order?
Existing simultaneously
eternally.
Points of light
scattered into infinity.
Brightness in the dark.  

Saturday, January 15, 2022

A New Suit For An Old Job

I see him walking down the street
wearing a bespoke black suit.

Aviator sunglasses and black fedora
cover his head.

A woman walks towards him-
and averts her gaze
not knowing why she is unsettled.

I know who he is. 
I don't know who he's looking for.
It's not me, at least not today,

I hope.

Saturday, January 1, 2022

try and try

and try and
try and try
and try and
try and try
and try and
try and try
and try and
try and try
and try and 
try and try
and try and
try and try
and try and
try and try
and try and
try and try
and try and
try and try
and try and
try and try
and try and

A New Old Self

Who am I still trying to be?
I ask myself over and over
and get no closer.

Do I need to be an I?
Is the I already present?
Yes, yes.

You know the answer.
Don't try any more.
Become who you are.

Cocoon

The year begins again
mid-Winter.

How strange but
when best to be reborn 

after a season
of death

Hold on to me
under covers

Keep the darkness
at bay

New Sights

Steven has been gone since May.
It wasn't quite Mother's Day
when he checked out
but he made sure
to be gone by then.
I remember when Jesse left.
He was so young.
It was an accident.
He certainly didn't mean
to go so soon.
Steven was never the same.
Now they wander
at the edges of reality-
seeing far more 
than any of us.

Grounded

How far will the birds fly today?
How high will they ascend?
From a distance
how small will they appear?
Standing on the ground
can you imagine
such creatures taking flight?
From behind a window
watching the grey cold
covering the sky
you wonder
of your mother's health
as she rests in a hospital room.

A New Day

Jumping into the winter chill outside 
even the trees shudder

Bundled in warmth
Breathing in the frost

Where do the deer roam?


Monday, December 20, 2021

Stealing the Future from the Past.

Sunday, December 19, 2021

Move forward into your fear
and through it.

Wednesday, December 15, 2021

Where Do We Begin

Where does a body begin?
Is it in the hands?
The fingertips?
Is it in the color of the eyes?
Does it begin
in the rumblings of the stomach?
Is it between the legs?
Is it in the tips of the toes?
Is it in the tastes of the tongue?
Is it in the lips
or in between?
If the lights go out
in the windows
then you know
that is where
the body ends.

Saturday, December 4, 2021

In The Jungles of Home

I feel more heartbroken and sad
now than I have in many years.
I don't particularly feel like being
myself right now. I just want 
to be alone, to be quiet and feel
the sadness rising like a wave.
What I feel seems like it would be
paltry compared to the grief of others.
Grief is grief. It sits like an uninvited
guest who never really leaves.

Monday, November 22, 2021

The Selves

It's best I've changed.
I've been a fool 
for most of my days.
I shouldn't feel embarrassed
because it's fading 
into the distance
of the rearview mirror.
I'll make new mistakes
but they'll be better mistakes.
Of that I am sure. 
How do the trees feel
year after year,
season after season?
Are they ready for the winter?
Are they longing for spring?
They are no fools.
They are obedient
only to themselves. 

Unified

How do you define the abstract?

Peace.

Such a monumental word!
So much contained
within five letters.
An endless goal
for countries and self.
Is it quiet?
Is it stillness?
Is it a stoic mind?

Peace.

What image is in your mind?

Sitting on the sand
as the waves come and go.
A stray seagull flying by.
The great yolk
falling into the sea.

Wars have been waged for peace.
Almost all ended unsuccessfully.

Are you a bodhisattva?
Are you a Saint?
Are you an enlightened atheist?

Can I tell you a secret?

There is no division between us.
There never has been.

POV

Who is the eye
which sees?
Who is the you
which sees?
Who is the I
which is me?
Who is the you
between us?
Who who who
is asked endlessly.
Who I was
is not who you were,
who you were
is not who I am.
The who and why
is always the question.
The answer is always
subject to change
without notice.

Telescope

That which was bound 
becomes un.
Condensed matter
scattered
into infinite expanse
ever expanding,
bringing light
to the far corners
of infinity.
Pale blue,
swirls of white,
smears of green,
smudges of brown.
Skeletal arms
held in place,
reddish brown
leaves
stubbornly cling.
A lonely being
still clothed
before
the snow.



Thursday, November 11, 2021

The Reason

This has always been
to ease my mind
to ease my heart
of worry
and dread
to lay my fears
and insecurities bare
to see them before me
in words so plain
to let myself
feel the pain
to let myself 
move on
to live on
and feel
a measure of joy
to feel the sun 
on my face
in November

Cuts

If I cut myself open
will you love me more?

How many secrets,
how much truth
do you want from me?

Will you take the blade
and press it to your belly?

Steady your hand.
Let me give you mine.
There is no special wisdom in my words
I hope that's not why you're here

I remember what it is to hold on and let go

I'm learning still and it will always be this way



Unsentimental

I love you
You are unsentimental
but it's only an act
You love me too

On these cold nights
beneath blankets
your head nestled 
on my shoulder
your hand resting
over my beating heart

There is peace 
between us 
in our imperfection

It wasn't always this way
But it is now
and for as long
as love can endure

The Speaker

I speak to myself
Make promises
Make wishes
Say dreams 
and ambitions
Fears and uncertainties
The voice is always speaking
and I can never 
get a word in edgewise
I have always been this way
What can I do
but listen
and hope I can learn
something
from myself
from the world
I find myself in

Twelve Years

When you said it had been
twelve years
my disbelief covered me
in anxiety.
Had it really been that long?
Had that many years
passed between our lives?
It took me only a moment
to realize you were right.
So many of those years
I spent unknowingly 
lost in the cloud of my life.
My pursuits and ambitions
got the best of me
and pushed me 
to the edge of the canyon.
I had to learn to make peace
with life.
I had to learn to make peace
with myself.
I am a student
and always will.
When I look at the pictures
of the two of us
I feel as old as I look.
You look as though
a portrait of you hangs
hidden in an attic.
You told me 
you feel your age.
That when you smile
the crows feet appear
and I wonder how 
they ever tread 
upon your face.
You said your daughter
would be at home here-
the place we both grew up.
I could see you fully in her.
I know you're right.
I told you to come back.
Come back home
and let your daughter
reach her hand to the moon
and hold it with all her might.

Sunday, October 24, 2021

Home is the Destination

I spent too many years
escaping home
escaping myself
like water
from hydrant
pouring into 
the streets of the city
on a hot summer day

Nights and years
became a movie without end
Plunging deeper 
into the work
into the drink
into anything
that kept me
from staying still
for too long

She is sleeping next to me
and I am here
remembering
writing
and knowing
there is no other place
I'd rather be
That this is where
I am and where
I long to be

Sunday, October 3, 2021

Pause

Dreaming of a future yet known

push aside hesitation-

embrace the path ahead 

This way and that- 

always a fork in the road


The answer is obvious 
except when it isn't.

If you are ready to move forward
then direction doesn't matter

as long as the feet are able
and willing 

Friday, October 1, 2021

Human

The body
The center of existence
The home of Moon and Sun
The place of Light and Darkness
The interface
The ground of the soul
The shelter and the storm
The subject of art
The prison
The corporeal universe
The subjective truth 
The joy of life
The senses
The coffin
The animal
The scholar
The dying
The wizened
The fool
The cage

Saturday, August 28, 2021

Changling

I have changed because 
the day has changed 
I have changed because 
the week has changed 
I have changed because 
the month has changed 
I have changed because 
the year has changed 
I have changed because 
the decade has changed 
I have changed because 
the world has changed 
I have changed because 
my heartbeat compels me
I am changing because 
life is changing 


Saturday, August 14, 2021

Liminal Space

How often do we find ourselves
caught between worlds?

In this liminal space
what do we choose to do?

Will you open your eyes 
and see the stars surrounding you-

their light beautiful and blinding.

the rain stops for a while
as the clouds grow pregnant once more

Friday, August 13, 2021

Gripping

Do your hands ever get tired
from gripping and holding on
so tightly

How the joints ache and 
the hands cramp and 
sweat greases the palms

When is enough

When do the fingers know
when to let go

Advice on Dam Building

All the meaning you have created
All that you hold in and hold back
Be ready for the time
when it will need to emerge
and God help
whoever may be there

Good Luck

If you are trying to live
good luck
If you are trying to find meaning
good luck
If you are looking for love
good luck
If you are hungry
good luck
If you are overeducated
good luck
If you are tired
good luck
If you unlucky
good luck
If you are awake
good luck
If you are human
good luck
If you are reading this
good luck
If you are writing this
good luck
you need it the most 

Volumes

Between now and tomorrow
is the whole of human existence

Memories become words

Soon the page 
becomes life

and continues
volume after
volume

Thursday, August 12, 2021

Invitation

Hiding behind the fence 
I cannot be found

Come inside 
to the living room

to the kitchen

to the bedroom

no one will know
unless you want them to

Saturday, July 31, 2021

The Travelers

I see his shadowy form walk through the door.
He takes off his shoes, sets down the object 
in his hands against a wall, and pulls the hood
down from his head. He sits. 

"Are you in a hurry?" I ask.
"No. We have plenty of time." he says.
"That's good." I say.

We sit in silence. 
I look out the window and see 
the clouds shifting across the sky.
He's watching them as well.

"In all my years I've never grown tired
of watching the clouds move and change
shapes. They're perfect in endless variations." he says.

"I know." I say.

The light begins to fade.
He looks at the sky and the slow descent of the sun.
Our eyes meet.

"Let's wait just a little longer. I want to see the sunset." I say.

"Im not in a hurry. I can tell this will be 
a beautiful sunset." he says. 

We watch the light fade into pastels brushed upon the sky.
I can't help but smile.

"Beautiful, isn't it?" He says.

I nod.

"Do you think you're ready?"

"Yes."

"I need you to take my hand and then close your eyes." he says.

He stands up and comes next to the bed.
His walk is effortless and calm.
His face looks down at me with a slight smile.
I watch his right hand reach out to me.
My arm feels so heavy and weak.
Our fingers touch.

I close me eyes. 

Condemned

Memories are falling off the shelf
They land on the floor
dented or broken
Looking in the two open windows
it's easy to see a light still burning
though it is dimming
A miracle is 
this house still standing
after so many years
It's condemned
but won't go down
until the wrecking crew arrives

Thursday, July 8, 2021

Future Ghost

A ghost of my future self
Carrying a burden
On my back
Cord of wood
Splinters piercing skin
Digging in
Digging in 
Bear it well 
Blood dots sweating skin
Don't let salvation in 
Stubborn man
Don't know what's good for you 
Don't know how to give up
Let your knees buckle 
That's what you have always done 

Monday, June 21, 2021

Present Tense

To live with uncertainty is a certainty of life.
We reconcile this uneasily
but we move forward nonetheless.

My ears are ringing and 
I listen to them for a few moments
before I fall asleep at night.
It's nothing more than a steady reminder
of years spent in the presence of loud
and cathartic music
both as performer and spectator.
Recently I have been wondering
how much more I may have to give
as a performer. I feel uncertain
and that is a new feeling 
with this passion. 
I am learning to be ok with
not knowing.
Mystery must not be extinguished.
It must be left in the margins to exist.
A world where all is known is no world
for imagination. 

I move forward with my feet.
I may be unsure of the path
but I must trust them.

Sunday, June 20, 2021

One Moment

I must remember to be grateful
for this gift
Even in joy and sorrow
This is the gift
This moment
Fleeting and
eternal

Saturday, June 19, 2021

The Point

Careening towards the future
is all we ever do
Trajectory can be adjusted
The destination is unchanged
Make sense of this life
this world
Choice defines us
The end gives meaning
The journey is the point

Obscured

The years are only as real as you want them to be.
Do you remember being a child
walking through the apartment
while mother was in the kitchen 
and father had yet to arrive from work?
Our memories accrue with each moment
and yet so much goes unremembered,
forgotten until the jar is shaken up.
Father would take you to the airport
and park nearby so the two of you
could watch the planes flying in.
Behemoths soaring across the sky,
touching down in the near distance.
Years later a few miles away
you would be sitting in your car
trying to pull your pants up
as she straightened herself 
as a cop shined his flashlight
into your window 
on an anonymous night.
Waves crashing on the darkened shore.
Moonlight obscured by the clouds.

Friday, June 18, 2021

Uncertainty

Maybe you'll be the one to unite the tribes
and overthrow the yoke
Maybe you'll be standing in front
of a burning city hall
as you and your followers 
move to the next target
on this mission of liberation
Maybe you'll forget
to turn off the kitchen lights
before going to sleep tonight
Maybe you'll live comfortably
in modest luxury
in a small home in rural Mexico
Maybe you'll write the slogans
chanted by thousands
and printed from now
to the end of time
in the struggle against 
our lesser angels
Maybe you'll forget 
to clock in to work
on your first day back
after a two week vacation
Maybe you'll get married
and be content with 
a quiet life in your very own
suburban home
Maybe you'll fall asleep at the wheel
and survive an accident
that should have killed you
Maybe you'll give it all up
and join a Buddhist monastery
in pursuit of nirvana
Maybe you've reached
the end of the poem

Monday, June 14, 2021

Fallen from the tree
Carried along by the wind
Autumn comes early



Saturday, May 8, 2021

Living in silence
Heartbeat thundering within
Quiet illusions

News

The deaths began long ago
but now they are appropriate for our age

I am uneasy when I receive calls from friends
I haven't spoke to in a while

I am suspicious and worried
I long to think it is merely to catch up 

When she called today I felt uneasy

My suspicions were confirmed 
when I arrived home

This is how news travels
How it spreads

from one person to another

Now what


We'll meet again in the place where there is no darkness

Moving through shadows in the forest
Feet touching pavement and trash

Walking to a home that no longer exists
Struggling to find a dead brother

The journey is over 
and now 

peace of one kind
or another is here

The last time 
was not particularly special 

now it is the period 
to the sentence we spoke




Saturday, April 24, 2021

Proclamation

Oh Heart
How you beat

stirring 
the tenderness
I tried to kill

Let the beating
of your chambers
be the rhythm
proclaiming life

Night of the Cross

Inelegant sounds of the body
escaping into the night

Wide awake and listening
I cannot sleep

I leave her be
I'm just as guilty 

How did a year get stolen
so easily

How quickly everything
fell apart 

I almost killed myself

in the slow motion way
too many get caught up in

I stopped
but wonder

what would be
if I kept going

The only bottle I crave
is the European mineral water

I buy by the case

I could fall apart so easily 
once more

The thin line between 
order and disorder

could fit through the eye
of a needle

I'm tired but don't wish 
to give in

to peace

I wish to sit here
and languish

and crucify myself
to the cross of my past

Iron nails caked 
with dried crimson

My side pierced
with your spear



Thursday, April 1, 2021

words caught in my throat
fingers pluck them easily
sets them down on white

Between Queens and Somers

Rain pummels the windshield.
Night has fallen heavily.
White lines marking blacktop.
Uneasy focus.
Straining vision.
Who knows what time it is
as the road curves.