Mixed Messages

What is it?

Are you waiting 

to read the tea leaves?

Can you not read 

the lines in your palms?

What are the trees telling you 

in the movements

of their bare branches?

This is the sign.

The Gods favor you.

You know what the ancients said 

about those the Gods favored.

Make A Choice (freewrite 3/27/18)

Burning bright the lights are on the sun is out and I am here
waiting for the tide to come in waiting for the water to touch
my feet the cold shock of ocean standing on the sandy shore
this is the place we once stood where we once kissed but who
were we then and who are we now my hands moved on your
body and slipped under your dress that time is so long ago now
that we were different people and when I think of us it feels
as though our former selves are trapped in amber is that the
fate of all things honey fossilized yet so beautiful to behold
I miss the things I have never had yet they are not mine to
miss I must let go of everything this attachment can only
bring grief the longer I hold on this is our constant condition
to hold on and to suffer from fear and this fear must become
something else and it often does I do not want this I want
to leave my imperfections behind I want to be the better man
I have always believed myself to be but I have let bad habits
rule my mind and body the reckoning that must happen is
with myself as judge and jury I know I know the answer
is my will strong enough am I able to change and follow
through I gain nothing by pursuing this path except to wear
it further into the ground I must I must take the leap of faith
with myself I have known this and now I say this to me and
only me the water is flowing from the tap but it still drips
drops even after it has been turned off the accumulation
and the falling into the white porcelain sink there is love
I wish to have for myself yet I do not dare allow it in or
will I change my mind my body has one answer and my
heart has another I vacillate between the two and wonder
what I will actually do to do one is to tear up so many plants
from the soil needlessly if I were to do this I would have to
plant a new garden and it would be beautiful though different
from what came before I think about these things I think
about everything and this is my life this is my thoughts
spiraling from my fingers and staring back at me my mind
laid out in front of my eyes and asking me to confront
myself to make sense of this all and to make a choice

Beautiful Gina

You're about to leave the bar
when she sidles up next to you
in the empty stool
She looks at you
She's beautiful
As beautiful as every time
you've seen her
Her eyes brim with wet sadness
She pulls you close
She doesn't ask your name
because she knows your name
because you've seen each other here
before on late nights after many drinks
She tells you that there are choices
she has to make
She pulls you close
all of a sudden
Her lips touch yours
You are kissing
You feel her sadness
That need
as simple as it is
to be comforted
in time of conflict
and confusion
You let her kiss you
a second time
You look into her beautiful
brown eyes brimming
with the burden of choice
You tell her you have to leave
She kisses you again
You let it happen
The night is over for you
Yet her night will grow
and change and shift
as dawn beckons
and words will
be exchanged
and choices
will be
made

We must learn to do what is right by doing what is wrong.

To learn in this way is not foolish so long as the lesson is learned.

Head First Into the Flames

There is no running 
Only flame engulfing
Floors and walls alike
Running down halls
Air turning into noxious poison
How these moments pass
Submit or fight in futility
Die in struggle
Or succumb with no resistance

Choose Light

Choose Life

Why must we define WANT

and NEED?

paralysis

Paralyzed
                by choice


even thoughts slow

in coming


Hands unsure of themselves

touch each other

                           seeking

                                         a way to grow

                       steady in their countenance


inhaled breath held
until it could no longer be so

in
     and
out


why the wait

why

the prolonged agony

of indecision

                     squeezing

like hands

exerting all their force

I am King of my own bad decisions. 

The Choices of Freedom

How are we free

if all we are free to choose

is the cage that suits us best?

What Was Different

It was mid-morning

and I had been awake for hours.

I wasn't writing,

wasn't doing much of anything

except sitting down

and consuming information

idly in my chair.

This is a comfortable

stagnant routine. I weighed

myself and didn't like

the result. I had been doing

modestly by my standards

but had managed to blow

small gains in just a few days.

Bad habits dig into you so slowly

that you cannot feel

the nails piercing your skin

and entering flesh.

I grabbed the half-empty

pint of whiskey

and poured it into the sink.

A brown swirl flooded

the basin and disappeared

into the pipes. It's scent

wafted upwards. I ran the water

and poured some into

the empty bottle to rinse it out.

I did this for a bottle of soda

that was also unfinished

from last night. I've never

done this before. I had to.

No coercion, no violent accident.

Just a choice, a small one

to be repeated.

Divisions

Be the Former

/

Not The Latter.