At Last

Listen to the birds

outside the door

speaking in song

I ask myself

Am I truly listening 

or am I merely waiting

to speak?

We must often do the impossible

and reconcile the world 

with our own heart.

I grow older but I do not grow 

more numb to the world.

I grow older and I feel myself

a greater part of humanity.

My joy and disappointment 

are mirror images.

I grow older and realize 

I must be gentle with 

the fractured and broken.

All of us are so.

I grow older and cannot 

consume blindly and 

without thought.

I must have restraint.

Does the deer dream?

Does it dream of the forest?

Of fresh water?

A quiet valley?

A land without fear?

Some mornings

I sit and must remind myself

that no feeling is final

that I must breath

that this is all there is

this eternal present

this perpetual gift

All these words

All these thoughts

like leaves on a tree

sharing a branch

sharing a body

living

changing

returning home

at last

The Morning After the News

When the world changes

fundamentally so

we must clear a path

for it within ourselves

Welcome the hardship

the burden that is placed

in our hands

We will not see it

as the gift it is

until at last

the lesson lives 

deeply within

Pressed

Faded rose

Dried

and pressed

into the pages

of a book

Dead

yet living 

in remains

and memory

Years

Reading through a book
Page after page
being turned
A new chapter
More pages
Endless story

through all darkness

days darkened by the dimming of hope
nights long and unforgiving
cold winds driving warmth
from our bodies
can there be surrender
must we continue onwards
yes yes yes
darkest night will break
a beaming pinhole of light
shining through
becomes the beacon
we have awaited

On Death

Sinking
DR OWN ing
to our deaths
or is it
to life everlasting
New life
in new forms

Will I wither
and crumble into dust
Yes
but not today

Push To Let Go

There is time
there is time
for now
but there is time
if you are ready
to act
to do
to move
to make
motion happen
like you've
always said
like you've
always promised
yourself
There is time
for now

Stop Running, Start Changing

What am I running from
What am I afraid of
Why do I drink so much
Why do I constantly worry
Why do I do this to my body
Easy and temporary answers
to real and deep rooted
problems are foolish
and short sighted
They show an inability
to reign in the worst
of my human tendencies
There is so much to be afraid of
My mortality
My finances
My health
My future
Why not take charge
of these things
Why not take the reigns
of what no one else
can or should lead?
A healthy body
A healthy spirit
can be found in action
and moderation
If you are healthy
in body and spirit
you can do more
to help others
Fear can be overcome
Fear is a temporary state
Resolve to be less fearful
Resolve to be what
you have always seen
yourself to be

Traverse

Together but apart but
Together but apart but
Together is what matters

Love can exist and change
and change with us

Thinking of us
Thinking of how I was
A foolish young man
in love with you
and who still is

My love has changed
but it is love none the less

I see you now as you are
Daughter Mother Wife
Your smile is still the same
Your heart is still pure

I still love you
I always will

The tides have come in
and my heart has grown
and still it grows

Morning 1/12/18

Let the leaves fall from the tree
Landing gently on the ground
Growing in multitudes as the days
shorten in the Fall

Here Now
Here Now
Breathe Now
Love Now
Om Shanti

Consecrate yourself to yourself
Consecrate your actions
Consecrate your thoughts
Consecrate what nourishes you

Begin today.
You are here.
You are now.
This is your life.
This is yours to change
or maintain.
This life is yours
to mold into the vision
of what you most desire.
Be passionate.
Be persistent.
Be consistent.
Liberate yourself
from what clouds
your mind and body.
Reach beyond yourself.
Reach into yourself.
Reach into spaces
known and unseen.

This world will cloud your mind
This world will cloud your judgement
Focus on what matters
Focus on now
Your struggle is yours alone
Steel yourself
Reach for the ideal

Do not accept the easy answers from yourself.
Accept the upward path.
Ascend.

Another Reminder

Forgive yourself if you can
Change yourself slowly
because you must
A better life is out there
only if you create it
You who sit and wonder
if you can actually do this
know that you can
We are creatures of habit
and comfort but
we can still change

Contemplation / Morning 12/26/17

I woke up thinking

about wanting to free myself

from my bodily desires

To free myself from my bad habits

of drink and food

To move more

To feel the wind and sky more

To explore more

To slowly move from my room

to this outer world once more

I want to be more

I want to feel more

But only I can bring this dawn

This remains in my hands alone

This is my choice

This is what I must remember

This is how I must act

What was good enough can no

longer be acceptable

I must let myself be more fully

present in the present

This - the eternal now

Always

Always here

Discipline

Control

Growth

I must master myself

to foster these

To receive love

To give love

To receive love

To give love

To receive love

To give love

Dying days of a dying year

We look towards the sun

towards the moon

towards the stars in the heavens

Looking for an answer

Looking for reassurance

to get us through the days ahead

Winter  at our feet

Dreams of Spring 

just further ahead

God is within

What does this mean?

Have you considered

that you are the expression

of universal consciousness

that you are in fact 

an incarnation of God

We are all God

in this fashion

Flawed and finite

as part of an infinite

timeline stretching 

far behind and ahead of us

plucking of strings

drops of rain

resonance

sound bleeding into air

lungs breathing 

I am the steward of this body

My spirit

My body 

This place I call my own

The Past and Where the Idea Breaks

Photo booth picture strip

hidden in the back 

of an old notebook

A typewritten note

and a hand drawn ghost

keep it company

Four photos of us

Here the text breaks
The rest of the words
were lost
               and the idea
could not be saved
So now I muse
on us and then
Everything has changed
and we have stayed
the same
               Such a lie
Everything has changed
and so have we
                          Only
those moments remain
frozen in their perfection

elemental cosciousness

unsteady weariness from within
and without
i live yet i rot
returning to essential elements
no need to be buried
i'll turn to dust
     scatter in the wind
consciousness expands
                       as I
join / dissolve
into everything
I had hoped
to be

Bored of Drink

I feel as though I have grown bored of drinking.
There. I have said it. So what? What does that
mean to me now that it has been said? I think
that I must chart a course now without it this
regular crutch of mine. It still feels good and
pleasurable but it just doesn't feel the same.
I drink, I get drunk, I eat too much bad food
late at night. The pattern is the same and it
feels far too predictable to me. It has no more
surprises for me and that is fine. I suppose I'll
start by not drinking today or most of this week.
I might drink on Sunday but even that is a maybe
at the moment. I honestly prefer waking up with
out feeling like my body is recovering for some
sort of bender. My weight and appetite will be
much easier to manage without this constant
influx of drink. It'll also clear my head and focus
my thoughts as I prepare to return to the ashram
once more. I have to remember the promise I
made to my grandmother and myself for the
next time I return to Mexico. It'll help me get
closer to the goal and ideal. Abstaining from
alcohol won't solve all my problems but it'll
help me gain a specific clarity which will be
of great help. Change can be as simple as one
just saying no and making small steps one day
at a time. The path can be difficult but it can
be traversed. I say this to myself to remember
as I walk forward and try to build something
better for myself once more.

An Honest Man

I must be honest and humble before myself
and this creation to admit I must stop and
let myself live with vice and excess tempered
I wish to lead a life of contemplation and
open thought but I cannot do so when I
purposely cloud my mind and judgement
I am human I am fallible I am weak I am
searching for the strength of will I feel I am
lacking right now I am not who I wish to be
Yet I know that self is within It is possible
to be what I know I can I must cease this
pattern which recurs I cannot run away from
myself This truth will follow I must gaze
into the mirror and accept the present in order
to create the future This body This spirit
are yearning for more Give more Be the
source of light you have been meant to be
all this time This self acceptance will be
difficult Follow through How many times
How many mornings have similar thoughts
come through you What has been learned
Break the wheel of habit but learn to lean
on and ask for help Let light be your guide

Awake

Awake
and yet

How to change

Easy-
it will be difficult
and gradual

Possible
always possible

Change and Fear

How much can we really grow and change
if we readily submit to fear?

Fear is a thing which has many tendrils in the
mind but can be overcome.

Often it is not merely one action but many
small ones taken in order to change our reaction.

Do not be afraid to get out of this comfortable
bubble. What you want may be just outside

of this range. In fact, I'm sure it is.

Hold These Together

my hand will not be held unless I let it be
this life is boundless in it's changes and
pitfalls living through these days I am left
to think about my mistakes and good luck

must I reorient myself to a larger goal to
move towards I think upon this and believe
this should be the case what goal and to
what end do i wish to move towards it

we could have met this morning but I know
that will not be so maybe in a few more
weeks we'll have the time to be together
again even if just for a morning breakfast

am i ready Alice to see the place of your
spirituality the place where the waters of
the soul moved as waves back and forth
to the invisible shore of the heart and soul

the simple act of you singing and playing
guitar is enough to overwhelm my heart
to know you exist to know this is your
effect on me doesn't fail to astonish

I who desire peace and enlightenment
what am I doing to nurture this change
in the world words cannot be enough
action however small is still action

Movements

If we cannot accept our basic flaws
how are we to better ourselves?
If we are unhappy with our actions
are we not the ones in control
of them? Do we not have the
ability to make the small and slow
changes to improve our lives?
We are better than our weaknesses.
I have to believe and know that
life will not be this way forever.
It can change. It will change
if we start moving towards the
light even if it takes a lifetime.