Places in Memory

Memory jogs through my mind
Stops in Mexico last year
and tells me to remember
being at my grandparents home
The home my mother was raised
The home my many aunts and uncles
played and grew and fought and
became the people I've grown to know
Memory shows me the feeling of wind
against my skin
the town bell ringing and
marking the hour
Watching the birds in the trees
listening to their voices
for as long as I wish
I am there again as I tell you this
I can feel the land bracing for rain
It will fall heavy yet it will be welcome
The earth itself is in my body
Home calling to me once more

Late Night Thoughts, Page 2 5/5//17

Memory filters back at it's own pace. How it surfaces
faces and times from the past. What lesson must be
taken and learned? Those answers are at hand  if one
is willing to delve just beyond the surface of image and
memory. Joy and failure, the twin poles of life.

What is the truth of life I have been seeking? It had no
single answer. Many answers for the same question,
each fitting for a time and place. There is truth and
wisdom in this world if we are willing to seek and
accept it. This burning desire to understand the unknown
of the world and of ourselves. A thirsty spirit is always
seeking. Let us drink of this world.

Words are given more freely than wind. Action is a diamond
to be desired. The value of thought and contemplation.

Am I searching for God? Am I searching for enlightenment?
Am I searching for a better way to be human? Must the
answer be yes? Of course, it must. I am searching within
and in this world. I have to seek. I must seek. Suddenly
I remember staying at my grandparents home, watching
the sun set over the town of my fathers. Colors swirling
and melting until black streaks across the canvas.

Mexican mornings
Slow waking into the day
Finding myself here

Marrow

I feel as though I cannot stay asleep.
My mind is remembering the mornings
at my grandparents house in Yucatan.
My two young cousins would already
be at school. Aunt C would be opening
the store while Aunt G would most likely
be getting food for breakfast. My grand-
parents would be comfortably asleep.
If I hadn't already woken up I probably
would be shortly. The bell in the town
square would toll and announcements
would be made.

This is where my spirit rises.
My blood flows from here.

I listen to the birds speaking
and become calmed by their voices.

The smell of the ground and the warmth
of the air are comfortable.

Bones of my ancestors are buried here.
I honor their memory with each return.

My past and future are tied with
the same thread.

Eating breakfast together with my aunts
at the table just outside the kitchen. A calm
routine. The cats lounge nearby.

My life reduced to the marrow.
Simplicity.

Buenos dias, Tunkas

You wake up in a hammock.
It is early enough
but the kids have already gone to school.
Your feet find the ground
as you steady yourself upright.
There is already warmth to be felt
in the morning air.
The day will only grow warmer.
You see your aunt and grandma
and say good morning.
Grandpa is still asleep.
You walk outside and hear
the birds chattering in the trees
but you are glad to hear them.
The bells tolls in the town square.
People are riding their bikes
down the streets, getting breakfast
ready. Life is moving as fast
as it needs to, no more.
Can you picture it?
Do you wish to be there?
I do. I do.

biographical fragment

There is no story left to tell that has not been told
but I'll still tell you mine. My flight landed in
Cancun where some relatives picked me up from
the airport. It was hot and humid the moment I
stepped outside the terminal. I could smell the
land itself and I immediately felt at ease. It was
just about sunset as we drove out from the city
to our destination, our hometown, a couple of
hours away. I intently watched the way the sky
loomed perfectly over the forest. I had never
felt the sky feel so ancient and towering. At that
moment I understood why it would have been
easy to believe in a pantheon of gods and goddesses.
The sunset quickly gave way to a darkness that
filled the roads. From time to time we would pass
through a small town. The lights of the square
would be lit as people lounged around the park
and whiled away the time. This scene repeated
itself in every town we saw. By the time we
arrived at my grandparents home it was late
and most of the town was asleep. Warm hellos
after years of not seeing each other were given.
We ate bread and eventually found our way
to sleep.

Eternal Season

Time is capable of passing us with hardly a thought
as body and mind enter the state of slow decay.

Have you seen a toothless skull in a cemetery
resting in the dirt, utterly forgotten?

This moment is a moment of blooming 
before the withering winters 

consume us.

Visitation

I told my Aunt G____ that I wanted to visit
my grandparents.
I told her that I wanted
to go by myself.
She insisted she should go with me.
I hesitated but agreed.

I tied my sneakers and wore a pair
of comfortable shorts. It was
a warm day after all.

I met her at the door.
She had an umbrella with her
to protect her from the blazing
midday sun.

We began to walk down
the gravel road that cut through
our town. It was calm
except for the occasional sound
of a passing car.

We walked into a small market
to buy a couple of votive candles
and a book of matches
and were on our way.

As we reached the outskirts
of the town we passed
a shrine for the Virgin Mary
and walked on.

Finally, we came to a gravel path.
Beyond that point lay nothing
but jungle stretching for miles
until the next closest town.

We walked down the gravel path
until at last we reached the gates.
We sat at the benches for a moment
before pressing on.

As we walked through the gates
I could only marvel at the pure stillness.
We turned to the left until at last
we faced their graves.

My grandfather, Alfonzo,
had died first. I was in high school
when he passed. My grandmother,
Donata, passed only a few years ago.

I set the candles down
and lit their wicks.
My aunt was watching in silence.

When I was done
I stood there for a few moments
and thought about all I knew,
and mostly,
all I didn't know about them.

I knew that without them
I could not be there at that moment.

I knew there had been many sacrifices
by them to provide a better life
for my Father.

Even he had to leave them
to find his own place in this world.

I turned to my Aunt
and we walked back up the gravel path
to the main road

back to my grandparent's home
to have lunch with my Mother
and her parents.

Small Town Morning

The bell tolls early
from the town square.
Standing outside
in the coolness
of morning
there is a cock
crowing from 
the neighbors house.
I breath in 
and let the air
of my ancestors
fill me. 
Soon everyone
will be awake
and the heat
of day will be
upon us all.

I Remembered Her Tonight

I filled a notebook with writing
because I was afraid of forgetting
what I was living,
what I was thinking.

When the notebook was filled
I set it on my desk
and piled books and papers
on it until it disappeared
from sight.

I never considered how it felt
to be so loved
and needed
then cast aside
when my use for it had passed.

I remembered her tonight
and pulled her out from the mess.

I have to yet to open her pages
but they are filled
and ready

to tell me all I have forgotten
and what I have yet to do.

Thanks

The dining room table is cluttered
with too many things
that shouldn't be there but are.
I sit between my Mother
and Father
as we eat a meal
traditional in the small
rural Mexican town
that they are from,
the same town I spent
three weeks in
earlier this year
in the hopes of finding
answers to questions
I didn't know I had.
We didn't need to give praise
to God, or country
as we sat there.
We ate together
while they commented
on a tv show on some Spanish
language channel
about the cuisine of
the different Mexican states.
My Mom said
she'd love to visit Guerrero
but my Father said
things are bad there because
of all the cartel violence.
She agreed.
My baby brother played
in the background,
he ate something earlier
because he hasn't
developed a taste
for this food.
We ate our meal in peace.
I told my Dad we should go
down to the beach
where I work
so I could show them
where it is I spend most
of my week.
I suggested this
mainly because I know
that the time I suggested
will be around sunset.
The sun will be beautiful
as it dyes the sky
colors that seem unbelievable
but are. The waves
will be steady
and there will be a chill.
I want to be there
with them
to take a moment in
and remember
that despite change
and hardship
we've remained a family
all along.