Morning Monologue

I woke up before she did so I made sure to not disturb
her as I got out of bed. Standing in our room I felt the
slight chill of a winter morning that had been staved off
by our bodies beneathe the sheets. The traces of light
that would become the dawn were making themselves
known. She was breathing softly and no doubt warmer
than myself. What was she dreaming? Even if she woke
up right then she might not remember or might not want
to say. I know that would have been the case with me. I
do not usually remember dreams but on occasion I do.
Our minds are ceaseless in their inventiveness and work.
But are dreams merely that? Are they truly just the mind
unbound playing self-generated films for us? Would it be
too strange to perhaps interpret these as visions of past
lives or other states of existence for which we have no
rational explanation? I surely don't have an answer for
that. She sleeps and dreams. I am awake and no longer
dreaming. What if we were merely lives caught in the
dream of some other sleeping being in the universe?
That might be a stretch but I cannot disprove it. Then
again, a rational mind has no need to worry but how
rational are we at any given time?

Contemplation / Morning 12/26/17

I woke up thinking

about wanting to free myself

from my bodily desires

To free myself from my bad habits

of drink and food

To move more

To feel the wind and sky more

To explore more

To slowly move from my room

to this outer world once more

I want to be more

I want to feel more

But only I can bring this dawn

This remains in my hands alone

This is my choice

This is what I must remember

This is how I must act

What was good enough can no

longer be acceptable

I must let myself be more fully

present in the present

This - the eternal now

Always

Always here

Discipline

Control

Growth

I must master myself

to foster these

To receive love

To give love

To receive love

To give love

To receive love

To give love

Dying days of a dying year

We look towards the sun

towards the moon

towards the stars in the heavens

Looking for an answer

Looking for reassurance

to get us through the days ahead

Winter  at our feet

Dreams of Spring 

just further ahead

God is within

What does this mean?

Have you considered

that you are the expression

of universal consciousness

that you are in fact 

an incarnation of God

We are all God

in this fashion

Flawed and finite

as part of an infinite

timeline stretching 

far behind and ahead of us

plucking of strings

drops of rain

resonance

sound bleeding into air

lungs breathing 

I am the steward of this body

My spirit

My body 

This place I call my own

Thoughts By An Actual Human.

thoughts of a day

I am an incarnation of the now.

This life lives through me
within me

Do not presume to know
how you will get to your final destination.

If good was better.

If we are not searching we are not living.

Questions

I have begun to ask myself how can we balance
our need to live in the present
with our desire to project into the future
as well as remember the past?
Does one hinder another?
How do the creatures of our world
exist without the weight of
consciousness on them?
Perhaps I do them a disservice
and they bear the weight
differently.
Would I feel differently
about this life
if I had wings with which
to view the world
from the air?
Or would I feel differently
if I could live beneathe
the waves of the ocean?
We live and fight
through the days we've been given
because we must
because happiness is never something
that merely is
it must be worked on
and earned.

Morning 5/16/17

Voices in the choir room

A Blooming

What spirit is this
flowing through me
making waves
leading me on
giving me hope
through hopelessness

touched by the divine

What will you do with
this gift of a voice?

The struggle to not let oneself
be defined by their vices is one
that I have felt in myself.

that which blooms with morning light
petals tremble and bask
in this present gift

the sound which gave birth to the universe

Morning Thoughts 5/9/17

You awaken to the dawn within.

It can take more effort to not drink
than I would care to admit
but I can and it does feel like
a relief of sorts to do so.

the sky is pulling away the shroud of night
as light begins to drift into steady view

How steady are your hands when you grip the pen and begin
to move it across the page. Are you ready to let your thoughts
unfurl in their own way, free of judgement, and editing, free to
simply be allowed to exist on the page and say what they have
come to say. How many words by how many people rest in the
closed confines of books dusty and forgotten in attics and shelves
across this world? Too numerous to count, this figure would
astonish us all. The words are always there and ready to be read
if given the chance. The page is longing for fingers to run across
long closed pages on paper that has aged as well as possible.

How early is the dawn?

Do you long to be part of the world or apart from it?

The name of God is on your lips but you have forgotten what it is.
Does it matter to Her. I supposed it doesn't as long as you know
that all paths lead towards the same form of enlightenment give the
right opportunity.

I can see a tree and think of shade and fruit. I can see a tree and
think of childhood and of my bike slamming into one. I can see
trees in the park and think of a park in Oregon and laying in the
grass, watching the branches and clear blue sky. I can look at a
tree and think of all the pieces of paper I have ever written upon
or thrown away once they have served their purpose. To exist
is to serve in so many guises in so many lives. If I am human
what will my next guise be? Will I still wake with the dawn and
hear the voices of the birds from the branches in the trees?
This life without end, changing from one existence to the next.
Sleeping until we must wake, and living while one can as well.

We are perfectly built to be imperfect. Through this we can find
the lining of grace and grow beyond the limits of our shortcomings.

I'm waiting for you in this room but I'll never find you here if I
do not leave. Opening the door I can find the touch of wind
and know you are there somewhere.

A moment of peace.

Is the universe reaching into you?
Are you listening?
Can you feel it?

Songs of Faith and Worship.

Reaching into memory
I find you, Old Friend.
Be at peace.

Monastic Order

Voices only grow more beautiful in a choir.

Light of Consciousness

Morning 5/8/17

The world falls apart
and begins again
and begins again
and again
again

Always be ready
for change
Change will be
Change is
Change

Remove unnecessary language
New thoughts from old words

We've come so far
Yet we must continue
Further still

Do your laundry
How much more normal
Can one be

Vision of the eternal
Glimpses through fleeting moments

Allowing oneself to feel again

Transcend these lives of petty worries

Recognize the journey
Allow yourself the freedom of honesty

Freedom from the unnecessary.

Learn to live in the essential truths of yourself.

Pastels gauzy and blending
into one another
Gentleness and softness
conveyed through color alone

Morning Thoughts 5/7/17

The rains have come and gone
What of them now remains
Wet stain upon concrete
A chill in the morning air

I listen to the soul of you calling
I listen and grow still
Absorbing the sound
Growing the silence within

I wish for these lesson to be in my marrow
To become part of my being
Undeniably whole

For Health & Spirit

Foolish blood and habits
Grow in the understanding
of what you lack
A true light awaits within

Om Shanti Om
Shanti Om
Shanti Om

Soul reaching out for the light

Clarity of Being

I am seeking freedom both within and without.

Oathkeeper or Oathbreaker: which are you?

Grow in both Body and Mind.

Ecstatic Elevation

Born into this body
Into this time and place
Home by any other name

A state of perpetual searching.

Late Night Thoughts, Page 2 5/5//17

Memory filters back at it's own pace. How it surfaces
faces and times from the past. What lesson must be
taken and learned? Those answers are at hand  if one
is willing to delve just beyond the surface of image and
memory. Joy and failure, the twin poles of life.

What is the truth of life I have been seeking? It had no
single answer. Many answers for the same question,
each fitting for a time and place. There is truth and
wisdom in this world if we are willing to seek and
accept it. This burning desire to understand the unknown
of the world and of ourselves. A thirsty spirit is always
seeking. Let us drink of this world.

Words are given more freely than wind. Action is a diamond
to be desired. The value of thought and contemplation.

Am I searching for God? Am I searching for enlightenment?
Am I searching for a better way to be human? Must the
answer be yes? Of course, it must. I am searching within
and in this world. I have to seek. I must seek. Suddenly
I remember staying at my grandparents home, watching
the sun set over the town of my fathers. Colors swirling
and melting until black streaks across the canvas.

Morning Thoughts 5/6/17

Need and desire to transcend

Drifting along on ocean currents
Shore comes into view
Swim to land or keep riding the tides

You wake and wonder
if it is the same dream over and over
Waking in a small town
Home of your parents and grandparents
Rising from a hammock into
the warmth of morning
Birds greet you from the trees
as the bell in the town square tolls the hour
These images comfort you
Home or a place like it
You are still yourself no matter where

It is the errand of a fool to believe
that ignoring the world,
ignoring the self
is any way to live well.
It is not. It cannot be the way.
Too many fall into this trap
of false security.
The self is always there
no matter what.
We must face ourselves
with open honesty.

Morning Fragments 5/5/17

Kingdom of Light
Search and realize
it has always been
within you.

I awaken into the waters
and toss until
I begin to swim
and make my way
to the shore.

To create
and deface.
Force language to say
that which was never intended.
Scrawl out in black the words
that are no longer needed.
Creating meaning from
that which remains.

Grey and overcast
Even morning is tired
Waiting for the sun  (haiku)

Where we are
Where we must go
Can they be the same place?

The lessons of a lifetime
Are we preparing for another?

The Divine Within
Transformation to Transformation

Thoughts from Morning Meditation

You who wish to dwell within hope and possibility.

To believe in more.

To see with our heart.

In our own way
we each feed
and grow from light.

Filling myself with the light of morning
I still my mind and feel essential vibrations

Peace. Chant. Peace. Om.

I am searching for the infinite light.

To be human is to seek.

Surrender the self.

See yourself as one part of a whole.
The whole is greater than any one of us can see.

Awaken to the possibility of how much
lies beneathe the surface of existence.

Finite self searching for the infinite self.

Still the mind and body.

To be closer to all of creation.

To create the better self through struggle.

To foster light and understanding in all creation.

Easter Morning Meditations

Must my shadow be so dark
From my bed I rise into another dawn
What will this life hold for me
in these years of passing life
Focusing light into a point
so bright that it won't be denied

strings plucked so vibrantly
as the drums bubble over like waves
invocation to peace and mindfulness
from here life begins   peace of heart
peace of mind   does the soul alight
in you now  close your eyes and listen
this place you have wished to be has
always been within  listen to the still
ness of life   listen  here  now  here
let it flow from crown to toe sunlight
washing over you  filling you  now it
becomes you  free yourself from that
which brings you harm  words repeat
in quiet breaths  focusing thoughts
the sound which calls you to be more
more than merely living  to be alive
to live with honesty and humility
to live with the truth of life itself
invitation to higher connection
thoughts which bring peace
words which bring serenity
all that we are and will yet be
past and future selves in one being
awake at the shore and overwhelmed
rise and fall of the tide  soft white
peaks dissipate  create a trail for
others to follow words like breath
within me and without be unafraid
my better nature is fighting for the light
remember the lessons of your father

Those who can hear
Those who can feel
cannot doubt that which flows through

If there are no further words to sing
I have no use for throat or tongue
If there are no more thoughts to be had
I have no use for mind or reason

My thoughts are carried 

        away by the wind

Now I cannot say

                  what

if any of them 

                        remains

Scattered Thoughts All Gathered Together (evening - 6/4/16)

Interpretations of Reality

Create the world you wish through selective perception

Change and Realignment

Consciousness moving through an eternal present of possibility

Beauty as a sign of temporary attraction

What is everlasting?

The Business of Life & Loss

How to Move On Without Ever Letting Go

How quickly we move from disappointment to acceptance.

These late nights move through us
as we move through them

Memories of distant possibilities are nothing more
than snow melting in the noon time sun.

Better to let some memories gather dust.

we were done and
that was it
and that was that

My back is nothing more than
bone and flesh
and can be broken
far more easily
than I care to admit

What is fit to be buried and what
is fit to be kept?

Desire and Reason rarely have anything in common.

I need some silence to balance out all the noise in my life.

No reason to be awake
yet you cannot fall asleep
so you stay up until
the night takes you

One must look past mere physical beauty to find substance

Enraptured by her beauty
I became a slave to an ideal
that no one else could
ever hope to match

Can we ever find the beach that has no end?

When all you want to do is talk
and the night is late
and the glass is empty
but everyone else is gone
or asleep
so you sit alone
and hope the words
will find you

I would have loved you if
you ever gave me the chance

Only the dead are free.

Like the silence that stretches across the desert at midnight.

The restlessness of the soul.

Let the page feed your spirit.

We let each other go as gently
as a breathe being exhaled.

Broken Teeth and Bloody Tongues

The Overlap of Dreams

Sueno pero recuerdo
lo que tuve recordar

Shadows that exist only at night.

There was never anything to hold onto
but we clung to another
as though nothing could tear us apart

My broken bones
cannot be reset
I grow together
fractured and imperfect

The illusion of choice
The choice of illusion

These lonely nights of worry
Where are you right now
Don't worry
I'm just here trying to breathe

Her Name Is Beauty

There is beauty that haunts me,
eludes me

but runs ragged through my thoughts
and I am helpless

as it runs over me.

I pull water from the well of delusion
and drink and bathe from it.

I tell myself
this is how it is,

this is how it must be.
I know, I realize

this is a choice
and these choices

can only last
for as long as we wish

them to be.

Three Thoughts

I.
She is peaceful when she sleeps
I walk away
as quietly as my feet will allow
and let her dream

II.
the breeze swept through the leaves
and rain began to fall

III.
I bristle against my own inadequacies

I've got a frozen tongue in the freezer
that's got nothing to say.