What Honesty Said To Me

I woke up with honesty
After a good night's rest.
We said hello and I
accepted what she said.
There was some struggle
last night but I won myself
over as best I could
to make the better choice.
This day is beginning
and there are small steps
to take once more
because that's all this life
is about. One sunrise
at a time. One sunset
at a time. Wake and
sleep. Choices made
and followed through.

From Dream to Honesty

I wake up and you are not there. I place my hand
on the sheets and feel the warmth of your body
and realize I must have dreamt of you there.

There are days when I wish to leave this city life
and live a quiet life in a small town. Part of this
desire I know would not work. I can't run away

from myself, from my fears, and insecurities.
I must slowly work on these inner changes.
This can be the only way to truly grow.

The more I live and think about it, the more
I feel as though there must be truly something
more to this life. But what is that more?

How does one define that which refuses to be
defined? I suppose that is one of the places I
am at right now. I feel spiritually restless.

When I think about the present and the near
future one idea that has grabbed hold of me
is stop drinking from August until I return

to Mexico next year. So, roughly 6 or so
months off. It just seems as though it would
be beneficial physically and spiritually.

Drinking is a thing that I have struggled with.
I admit this to myself because I know it.
I have to face this fact about myself.

To make some of the changes I wish to do
in my life my drinking is something that
must fundamentally change.

This can only help me in clearing my thoughts
as well as helping me to lose the weight
that clings to me. This is true no matter what.

Right thoughts, right actions. This life is not
easy. This life is struggle. I struggle with these
parts of myself. This is myself being honest.

I'm Talking to You

When will you be honest with yourself?
You can lie to yourself
You can believe the lie
But the truth will always be seeded within.
Strip away the ordinary thoughts
That cloud your mind-
Your fears and insecurities
Needn't always be drowning your heart.
Your bad habits are only keeping you
From a higher sense of self.
Take up the mantle of work
And labor for what you desire.
Sweat under the sun,
Put your feet to the track and run.
Do not be complacent with your
Words and actions.
Become angered and willing
To create that which you wish to see.
The days are falling behind you
And you cannot see how many
Remain ahead.
Be honest.
I can hear myself.
I can hear that voice
Ringing clear
Like a church bell on
Sunday morning.

Moment of Honesty

How scared of the truth am I?
Am I truly in fear of it?
My vices and shortcomings
       make me feel unworthy.
I drown my fears of lack of control
                                       into hazy stupors
                                              that leave me dazed by dawn.
I look at my reflection and turn away.
I feel shame in this skin.
I feel it's shortcomings acutely
                       and at times
                                  feel unable to change.
I live like this.
                       My confidence feels all too fleeting.
I am writing this because this is the voice of criticism
                                                                  that I live with.
It is the voice telling me I am unloved,
                      telling me I am too fat,
                      telling me I am weak-willed,
                      telling me nothing can change,
                      telling me I am going to die alone,
                      telling me that the art I create is a fool's errand.
I gave it voice today
                                 so I could say this:
You are wrong.

Honesty and Self-Reliance

Where is the honesty you seek?
Are you seeking it within yourself?
If you are seeking it from within
You must allow yourself to believe
The full reality of your being.
We attempt to walk in the light of life
Though this is not always possible.
We give in to vice and overindulgence
Let our minds be fogged by
Thoughts of passing fancy
Honesty of mind and heart
Is more difficult than merely
Writing words down.
Honesty is not action.
Honesty must be taken
And transmuted into acts.
This process is painful
And prolonged.
It is necessary.
No guiding hand
Will be the final answer
Towards that which is sought.
Ultimately the hand that will be held
Are the ones you possess clasping one another

Honest Man,

what lies have you heard?

I don't need perfection, 

I need honesty.