Sri Bhagawan

Ecstatic chanting
for as long as time moves
I can see her child hands
play the rhythm of the melody
I marveled at the beauty
of it all Could not
believe it yet
I did

My Sleeping Niece

I pass by your bed and
see you sleeping peacefully.
Having known you
since your birth
I am amazed by you.
You have the joy
and freedom
of life this fully within.
Your exuberance
is infectious
and at times
all I can do is smile
when you call me
or ask a question.
I want you to dream
and not be cumbered
by the ambition
you hold. Dream
as much and as boldly
as you can, Little One.
Your Uncle is here,
and he wants you
to have the world
if you want it.

God of Fire

The nightmare begins in the darkness
of starry skies. Simple pleasures of
people milling about the city park,
surrounded by shops and expectations
of uninterrupted normalcy. Bright light
streaks across the sky and blazing,
crashes into the nearby distance with
a shudder that shakes the earth. At once
terror overtakes as fire bellows and
engulfs the land, spreading like a ravenous
cancer. People screaming in horror, pain
and agony. Pleas to God go unheard and
unanswered. We are running, running
as fast as possible to anywhere as far
as possible. Yet it follows. Flame spreads
faster than seems possible. Flame stalks
us like a predator in the wild. Hours pass
and night does not abate. Running place
to place, finding no quarter, feeling as
though all is lost as the world is birthed
into an incarnation of eternal flame.
What will sate this new God of Fire?
How much flesh does he demand?
How much sacrifice? Can he be sated?
Exhausted, at last, I wake to shining
Sun, wondering when this judgment
will come.

Pendulum at Rest

I watch the pendulum arch back and forth
Steady in it's motion as it moves 
between two extremes

It begins to slow and comes
to rest in the middle

The lesson is here

Gauzy

I dreamt I heard you speak.
The words were separated
as they left your mouth.
I watched them as tufts
of gauzy letters
                         floating
away from you.
You didn't notice or
you didn't mind.
I listened and watched
and marveled
                      at you
and your beautiful

words.

Awake

I dreamt that I woke up. I got out of bed and put on
my shoes and walked out the door in my pajamas.
I walked down the street and into the city and then
I walked until I was no longer in the city. Vast fields
greeted me and I continued to walk as these silent
lands bathed sun and silence. Days and nights became
a quickening cycle until I stopped trying to keep track
of how much time had gone by. As I walked I listened
to my breathing. I would close my eyes as I inhaled
and open as I exhaled. I began to feel words emerge
from the sun, wind, and moon. They were simple
but spoke of a primal truth. And so I walked and
walked and walked. One day I looked at my hands
and saw the color of my skin fading. If anything
I began to become translucent. No matter, I kept
walking and breathing and listening. How many
days? How many weeks? How many months? How
many years? How many lifetimes? Did it matter?
My body began to fade slowly though I could still
feel the presence of all my body. I could still grasp
with my hands, I could still feel my feet upon the
ground, I, I simply became as though I were living
wind gliding over and through all the lands. Finally
there came the day that nothing was left of me to
see but I kept walking. And I walked further and
farther, until one day I began to dream and in that
dream...

beach dream

I walked down the hill to the beach
The sand was warm to my feet
As I came closer I did not break stride
Embraced by the warmth of summer
I began to swim past the pier
further and further out
to the eastern edge of the horizon
How beautiful it felt at the edge of the world
boundless and free
Finally I woke up

Two Halves

The days and nights continue to fall away from us
the way leaves fall away from branches in autumn
Winter will come and in the season of hibernation
we will dream hidden from the world of all that is
and live within the possibilities of what could be

Who are you who found me in my dream last night
You are a memory of a woman whose name I have
long forgotten yet the image of her lingered long
enough to reappear Where we were I could not say
but that is insignificant We met and we kissed and
it felt sweet and warm and kind as all loving kisses
should I can see your face and body yet i know the
dream will remain only such You linger in memory

The Final Dream

Everything was on fire and the mountains were
shrouded by clouds of ash. People could not stand
the heat but had nowhere to go. People sweated
through their clothes and even the waters at the
beaches provided no relief. The sky was ashen
gray and the sun struggled to pierce the veil.
Daylight began to mimic night and people and
animals began to sleep fitfully. Time seemed as
though it was beginning to unspool but where
was it unspooling from? Minutes and hours
began to feel indistinct from one another. So
it seemed that everything was feeling apart.
Nothing could hold. The heat began to drive
people mad but everyone understood why.
Violence and crime began to infect every
where all at once as if it were a virus. Blood
shed on the streets and in homes. No place
was immune from this furious season. Yet
the tides at the beaches continues to come in
and out. The moon would occasionally peer
through from the sky and grow horrified at
what she could see. The sun grew indifferent
at what it had to witness. Some said it was
the end of times, that Jesus was about to
return but He never did. God gave no
booming proclamation from heaven to His
children. In fact, some people said He had
forgotten us, that was why everything was
happening, to punish us for our sins. It did
not stop the sinning. The people howled for
relief, for salvation, but none would ever
come. Weeks and months went by in this
fashion until at last years began to pass.
Our population thinned but the madness
and violence only continued. The gray days
taunted us with the possibility of pure
sunlight but it never came. What few
children were born into this time, many
were sickly and died. Few lived but those
that did were hardened in a way their
parents could never be. I began to wonder
if things would ever change, if we would
ever return to the life we all led before.
I realized I was a fool for thinking we
could ever return to such a state. And if we
ever did it would be many lifetimes removed
from my own. I survived, we survived
as best we could, as long as we could.
And when the day came I could no longer
bear the weight of being I found the standing
body of a dead tree, it's branches stripped
of leaves, sat down on the ground, leaned
my back into its trunk and closed my eyes.
I began to dream until I dreamt no more.

Summer Sleep

Warm summer nights
Sleeping next to an open window
How easy it is
to fall asleep in this comfort
Floating between worlds
Eyes moving behind eyelids
Seeing everything and forgetting
Seeing everything and remembering

From Dream to Honesty

I wake up and you are not there. I place my hand
on the sheets and feel the warmth of your body
and realize I must have dreamt of you there.

There are days when I wish to leave this city life
and live a quiet life in a small town. Part of this
desire I know would not work. I can't run away

from myself, from my fears, and insecurities.
I must slowly work on these inner changes.
This can be the only way to truly grow.

The more I live and think about it, the more
I feel as though there must be truly something
more to this life. But what is that more?

How does one define that which refuses to be
defined? I suppose that is one of the places I
am at right now. I feel spiritually restless.

When I think about the present and the near
future one idea that has grabbed hold of me
is stop drinking from August until I return

to Mexico next year. So, roughly 6 or so
months off. It just seems as though it would
be beneficial physically and spiritually.

Drinking is a thing that I have struggled with.
I admit this to myself because I know it.
I have to face this fact about myself.

To make some of the changes I wish to do
in my life my drinking is something that
must fundamentally change.

This can only help me in clearing my thoughts
as well as helping me to lose the weight
that clings to me. This is true no matter what.

Right thoughts, right actions. This life is not
easy. This life is struggle. I struggle with these
parts of myself. This is myself being honest.

Hey, Fred

I saw you last night in my dream. It was unexpected
but it was good to see you again, my old friend. You
were dressed up in a nice suit. When you saw me
walk in I went over and we hugged since we hadn't
seen each other in so many years. You looked great.
I even asked if you had lost weight. It seemed like
you were getting ready to get married. There were
many people there I did not recognize but that didn't
matter. It mattered that you were there. We talked
as you finished getting ready and then I because of
how busy you were at the moment I made sure to
excuse myself to let you get going. It felt good
seeing you again, even if only in a dream,

Morning Thoughts 5/6/17

Need and desire to transcend

Drifting along on ocean currents
Shore comes into view
Swim to land or keep riding the tides

You wake and wonder
if it is the same dream over and over
Waking in a small town
Home of your parents and grandparents
Rising from a hammock into
the warmth of morning
Birds greet you from the trees
as the bell in the town square tolls the hour
These images comfort you
Home or a place like it
You are still yourself no matter where

It is the errand of a fool to believe
that ignoring the world,
ignoring the self
is any way to live well.
It is not. It cannot be the way.
Too many fall into this trap
of false security.
The self is always there
no matter what.
We must face ourselves
with open honesty.

Galaxy

I wake up and ask myself
What kind of world do I wish to live in
A good one, I tell myself, a good one.
How far will we travel on this journey
together? I do not know, I cannot know
but I will keep walking, keep moving,
as long as I can, as long as this life will
allow, if you can be the one by my side.
I must be like the river that flows forever.

I wake and feel your body pressed to mine.
Your chest rises and falls with each subtle
breath. I place a hand on your back and
move it slowly down as a smile spreads
across your face. I listen to you breathe.
I can hear the birds in the trees outside.
Wonder what they are saying to us.
They always ask questions but we never
answer. They are used to our silence as
we are used to their voices.

Beyond this room the world looms over
us but for these moments we are our own
galaxy and constellations.

The Dream, Part 5

I left my gracious host and got back into the boat.
Once I was inside it began to move once more.
We passed the tree and moved forward. The boat
navigated the snags of roots deftly as before. Like
before I was unsure of how much time had passed
or was passing. Eventually another large tree came
into view. It was not as large but it was still imposing.
There was an otherworldly glow in the water around
it. The boat came to a stop before it. I looked out the
side and saw light radiating from the water. I stood
there for a few moments and wondered what was
next. At last I decided to jump in as He had said.
As I jumped the cool water enveloped me. After a
moment I could see the bright light focused directly
below me. I swan past the roots and to it as quickly
as I could. It kept growing stronger in it's brightness
and intensity. The light began to overwhelm my
vision but I kept pushing towards it. At last, I felt
myself fully in the light and not sure what to do
I opened my mouth and closed my eyes.
Finally, I opened my eyes.

The Dream, Part 4

The boat arrived at the landing that led to the door.
I stood up and felt the boat sit as perfectly still as
land. A small wooden walkway led directly to the
entrance. The sense of warmth was palpable.
The door was left cracked open. I knocked and
pushed it open slowly. Stepping inside I could
see candles lighting every surface. Shelves were
covering all the walls and were filled with books
upon books. None were dusty. I heard a faint foot
step into the room. "You're here. I'm glad you
were able to make it." he said. He appeared to be
an older man in his late sixties. Salt and pepper
hair, long but well groomed gray beard, well worn
brown pants, a green flannel shirt, and a voice that
exuded comfort and calm. I asked him what his
name was. "Does my name really matter? I can
tell you my name is Joseph but you would have no
way to know I am lying. Our names matter little.
My name, even less. I know what your name is
but I have no need to use it." I looked at him
and asked "Can I call you anything?" "Of course"
he said, "Whatever makes you feel at ease."
I thought for a moment and asked "What is this
place? Why am I here?" He sat down in an old
overstuffed chair and motioned for me to sit on
the couch across from him. "This place...this
place clears your thoughts from everything
that seeks to disrupt you. The calm waters and
the boundless gray skies are not meant to scare
or threaten you. They are meant to clear your
mind of everything. Everything that troubled or
disturbed you, everything good and bad, all of
this has been gradually cleansed from your
thoughts. Only when this has been accomplished
will you first see the roots and began your journey
here. As to why you are here, well, that is some
thing you can answer." I had to think about it for
a moment and I said one word, "Clarity."
He nodded affirmatively. "The clarity of mind you
now have can now be taken with you to where
you need to go. Do you believe yourself to be
ready?" he said. I nodded. If this this is true
then you must go back to the boat. It will take you
to the tree of glowing water. When you arrive
to it you will see light coming from under it's roots.
You must swim towards it and follow it. That
is what you must do."

The Dream, Part 3

As the boat continued past the gnarled root I began
to wonder what it had been part of. What kind of
life had once existed here. I gazed into the distance
and saw nothing else like for some time. Right before
I was going to lay down I once again saw the familiar
shaped of a gnarled root come into view. It was not
merely a root this time. A submerged field of these
roots lay ahead. The boat continued on. Once we
were close it became apparent that the boat was
going to enter this labyrinth of roots. I was worried
at first but the boat began to steer through as easily
as it were still moving in a straight line. I looked at
all the roots in their various twists and formations.
There was an odd beauty to them I could not resist.
How long we moved through this I do not know.
It can't be known. After much time I saw something
loom further ahead. Something that seemed at once
familiar but unknown. There at the far reach was a
magnificent tree whose trunk was a large and vast
thing. It's roots stretched in all directions. There was
something I had not seen in all this time- light.
There was a window and door hewn into the vast
body of the tree and light was burning warm and
bright. The boat began to slow as it grew closer.

The Dream, Part 2

And so I drifted. I drifted until I did not know if it
was possible to drift any more. I do not know if time
existed, if I drifted for days, weeks, or years. I could
have drifted for decades and felt the same. I never
felt hunger or pain. I existed purely adrift. The waters
never moved beyond the small rippling wake behind
me as the boat and I moved through. There was never
anything to see beyond the horizon. It was as though
it were a world of pure water. The water was devoid
of fish or any creatures that I could see. When I grew
sick of watching the water I would watch the vast
uninterrupted sky. A gray that neither felt brooding
nor welcoming. It stared with the unblinking eye of
whatever gods claimed this world. After an unknowable
amount of time passed at last something came into view
from the horizon. It was an odd shape jutting from the
water. Once I was closer I was able to see that it was
the gnarled root of something that may have been a
tree. The boat did not stop. It continued along as if
there was a more important place to be.

The Dream, Part 1

In this dream I wasn't running. In fact, nothing of the sort
was even happening. It was quite different than that.

I opened my eyes and immediately saw boundless gray sky.
Formless, it stretched across vast and uninterrupted. It was
quiet and still. I sat up and realized I was in a small boat. It
felt like perhaps it was more of an old lifeboat than anything.
In every direction I could see there was nothing but still water.
I could see no sight of land. I felt a slight motion in the water
and the boat began to very slowly move along. Aside from
the slight motion of the boat there was no other kind of action
or sound to be heard. It was a stillness so all encompassing
that it felt absolutely total. There was a strange beauty to it.
As far as I could tell there was no day or night. The hours
passed with no change to the sky or light. It simply was.
I lay down on my back and closed my eyes. I focused on
my breathing. I tried to keep my breath measured and steady.

Cottage

Is it too late or too soon
to live out our fantasy

Beachside cottage alone
and together

Send out tendrils of hope
purely from habit

Close your eyes as my
hand strokes your hair

Everything confirmed
to dead memory

Sparks emerge from
time to time

Brief signs that some
life still within

When I hear the voice
of the Ocean

I wonder if you can
hear it too