First Day of Summer

A beer and a whiskey
followed by a bummed cigarette
Slow pulls off all of them
Voices from the television
as the game goes into the last inning
and the batter is at a full count
Hoping the other team
won't make it's comeback complete
Ball connects to bat
and is driven deep to right field
A glove catches it
and the game is over
Dave and Moni are dating now
Couldn't be happier for them
Another beer
Another whiskey
My life coming back to me
Memories flooding
overwhelming me
I put out the cigarette
in an empty cup
A new cold bottle
reaches my lips
Old familiar places
I've been trying to leave
Here I am again
Keeping the world at bay
Trying to keep going
long enough to change things
waiting for sunrise
on the first day of summer

Aging by the day
Summer has come
yet Autumn's chill
lurks in the shadows

in repose
between days
words are muted
silence
is the order

Eden

How long
Was I in Eden
Before
Everything changed

Impossible

The impossible
happens
over and over
yet why is it
so hard for us
to believe
in defying
the odds

End of February

between morning
and moonrises
we breathe
live and dream
i hear your
breathing

we're all doing our best
to hold on
to these days
to our memories
to our fleeting youth
to this life
moving faster
and faster
with each
passing moment

Awake and yet
what more is there to want
Simple joy
Another chance
at freedom

I cannot stop so I will not I will continue
as long as I can as long as I can last but
what about now the now the here and when
This place I am at The places I wish to go
Don't connect the dots Leave them scattered
on the page let them be the stars upon the desk

another day given
another chance
at hope
another chance
at change

How many mornings
must we live
until we find
the breathe of Winter
departed?

Winter Sleep

Don't forget to
turn on the space heater
it gets cold these nights
Close the door
to keep the heat in
Get in bed
and snuggle up
beneathe the covers
Nuzzle my chest
Fall asleep

Sangre y Tierra

Laying in a hammock at night

listening to the stillness of evening

in a rural Mexican town

Heat of day fading

Grandparents asleep

Aunts Uncles Cousins gone home

for the evening

Alone in the room where 

they slept and played as children

A light to keep the darkness at bay

Leonard Cohen singing in my ears

as he picks at his guitar

My life waiting for me at home

Yet this life here 

separate 

and necessary 

to my survival

to find a way forward 

by looking backwards

to where two lives met

and gave life to mine

Pressed

Faded rose

Dried

and pressed

into the pages

of a book

Dead

yet living 

in remains

and memory

Free Write 1/25/19

In this space we begin again and again There is no choice
but to begin over and over As many times as this life demands
We choose to go along or we resist and remain where we are
I found you sleeping beneathe the tree in your backyard You
asked my why I had let you sleep so long and all I could say
was you looked so peaceful and beautiful I left the city today
because there was nothing left for me The beach is never lonely
It has itself for company We are drawn to water so easily We
find ourselves by water as often as we can

Time is unrooted and now there is nothing holding it all together
I could have sworn today was next week but it isn't at all

winter morning touching my skin
the warm spot in the bed where you were
feet shuffling in the house
you are not far

Staring into the bay from the tree
at the edge of the cliff
the water laps the beach far below
Undulating waves
A mind I am seeking to empty
How many years remain
How much will be done
How much will be left unfinished

Snore

Wake up
I can hear you snoring
Honestly
I don't mind
Sorry I woke you up
Love you

Could we be
the messiahs we need
in our lives
Could this be
the love
we've been missing?

All this flesh
So much meat and bone
blood and sinew
the only place
solely our home

We must have hope
We must believe in our capacity to change

Children of Winter

Begin anew
Dawn has come
The Sun shining brightly
Birds flitting between branches
Chirps filling the air in the slight chill
Do you feel yourself ready
to begin again in good
faith that indeed we
can change we
can take hold
of the reins
once more

lifetime of questions
where do the answers abound
everywhere we look

December 31st

Winter
Spring
Summer
and Fall
Natural order
A progression older
than any species
A progression as old
as Nature itself
Another year past
Another chance
to remember the good
to learn from failure
to try again
So we must
try and try
and try and
try again

Years

Reading through a book
Page after page
being turned
A new chapter
More pages
Endless story

Notes

Let go of all that harms you
Allow yourself the space to feel peace
Do no harm to others
Do no harm to yourself
Work towards balance and happiness
Embrace the lessons failure imparts
Permit mistakes but do not let them
become habits
Be kind to all

through all darkness

days darkened by the dimming of hope
nights long and unforgiving
cold winds driving warmth
from our bodies
can there be surrender
must we continue onwards
yes yes yes
darkest night will break
a beaming pinhole of light
shining through
becomes the beacon
we have awaited

Contented peace
slouches back and closes it's eyes
Breathing slows to a steady pace
Dreams seen only through closed eyes

Journal Entry

I went to bed and slept well.
I slept longer than I normally would
but in the end I wound up well rested.
I woke up thinking about her
because of the distance
between us on her trip.
I remain on this coast
while she is on the other
visiting family.
I have reached a point
where the real work I must do
needs to occur. It is not enough
to think it, to talk of it, it is time
to be measured and deliberate.
It is the eve of a major holiday.
The sun shines through cloudy
grey skies but there is a strange
hope in me that this year
is turning towards a better one.

The Builders

Pieces of ourselves
given
          and received
Precious
parts exchanged

Building
Creating
some thing new
to gether

Living within
one another

Yes
This is it
This is how
it is
supposed
to be

appearing
dis
     appearing
emerg ing
at just
the
      right time

Conditions

How easy it is to be
needlessly cruel
in a time
when greater kindness
is needed
at all points
on the path

Branches diverging
from the trunk
yet even
unseen fingers
reach out
grasping the dirt

Still Angry

I'm still angry and broke
The present is never enough
I'm sick of starving
and living in the margins

A drink takes the edge
just long enough to forget
how fucked we are
but never pushes harder
to change it all

It Is What It Is

Call me home
to where I've been
Call me home
to where I'm missed
Wandering in this lifetime
Seeking understanding
I have found a home in you
Open the door
I will come through
This is where I belong
With you here and now

A New Morning

burning away grey
clouds dissipate
the sun
emerging
victorious

Red Sunrise

Fiery sunrise
Red light floods the sky
A bird is chirping urgently
from a branch
on the tree outside my window
What now
What does she know

This life
forever
expanding
and
contracting
as our days
diminish
and we
seek out
the un-
definable

Over and Over

I woke up with a song in my heart
and your image in my eyes
Falling over and over
in love with you
Over and over
and I would
not want it
any other
way

On Death

Sinking
DR OWN ing
to our deaths
or is it
to life everlasting
New life
in new forms

Will I wither
and crumble into dust
Yes
but not today

Eternal Life

Crossing between states
Memories formed and forgotten
Existence reduce to essential matter
You, I, We, Us,
sailing down the stream
that feeds the endless ocean
Plunging in
Resurfacing
Over and over
Eternal life

To Do

Learn through mistakes
Some larger than others
If there is time to correct
the path then take it
Right what can still be
righted and change
Do not take this lesson
and merely say it
Take it and do it
That is what must be done

There You Go

Late summer southern sun
beaming down on Sunday afternoon
Far from the place you call home
you are comforting those you love
And I love you
I long for you
Your absence is necessary
Your kind face
Your laugh
I miss
Your kiss
Your embrace
Your love
As you would say
"There you go"

A Gathering Storm

Gentle current on a clear day
Gray gathers at the outer edges of perception
A shift begins

Drops of water
turn into a torrent
 Lightning streaks the sky
Thunder cracks

Get through
Survive

Amputation

Through skin and muscle
Finally
sawing through
and breaking bone
Painful separation
A life saved

Drown

The only way to save myself
is to drown
so I drown every day
every night
waiting for salvation
waiting for the light

The Days and Nights

In the days and nights
of my dying
as candle light flickers
what was always destined
will emerge
Will it be
during Spring showers
or in Summer's warmth
Perhaps the falling leaves
of Autumn will greet me
or the final frost of Winter
Will I gaze out a window
and sigh as the sun
breaks through the clouds
and tells me
everything I need to know

When a grain of sand 
is moved
has the whole
beach changed?

5 a.m.

Warm and dreaming
next to each other
Bodies move and
tangle before dawn
Easing into sleep
once more
Landscapes real
and imagined

Rebirth

Every morning
Reborn into life
A simple and
overlooked gift

Without you
life is diminished
With you
life is improved

Words are artless
compared to you

To think of you
is to long for you

To know you
is to desire you

To have you
is to have all

Love

It really is
as simple as you think
if the timing is right

Don't stress
Don't worry
Don't over think

It is just that simple

To Be

I'll be a shaman for you

I'll be a healer for you

I'll be a woman for you

I'll be a doctor for you

I'll be your lover

I'll be your nothing

I'll be your everything

I'll be here and now

I'll be present

I'll be eternal

I'll be dead if you want me to

I'll be your anything

Open Honesty

/tear open your chest

show me

what makes you breath

"        "         "     beat

Don't give me wind

"        "       "   words

Give me something more

More substance

More immortality

More permanence

in this t e m p o  r  e  a  l  i t y