Showing posts with label age. Show all posts
Showing posts with label age. Show all posts

Saturday, August 13, 2022

Broken Compass

The oozing stain of time
won't leave me clean
Put it in the wash
but it'll never be the same
Drifting through 
nights and back
to days again
The same old sights
are always new
with these old eyes
Hello dear 
how are you
How's the family
How's the kids
How's everything been
Precious time running 
a four minute mile
How are we aging 
backwards in old photos
Possibility still looms
Choices carry more 
weight than before
I wonder about 
everything
even more than before
Remind me to breathe
I'm too forgetful

Tuesday, November 28, 2017

Not as young as we once were
Not as old as we'll one day be
Caught here between lives
Wistful thoughts of long gone days
Memory the reminder
Of all things we'd thought forgotten
Touch of our hands on each other
Kisses in afternoon light
Lying in the grass
And the light shines on
Whether we are here or gone

Monday, October 9, 2017

How many years gone?
How many remain?

Sunday, October 1, 2017

Present and Afterwards

What will be remembered 
once all memory has been exhausted
Will it be anything worth holding on to

Grow up and be a better man
Leave the bitterness in the past
Free yourself


Saturday, August 5, 2017

As We Watch

We are watching ourselves grow older as if we
were watching this happen to someone else.
It is now. It is everyday. How can this be?
It is life and this is how it occurs.

It is not merely the passage of the days and
nights, it is the greying of the hair, the growth
of the paunch, lines in the face, and random
aches from simply standing.

When I look in the mirror I recognize my face
because it is much like the face I saw in there
yesterday. How different would it be to see my
face from ten or twenty years ago look back?

These are the day and nights of a lifetime.
The journey may feel so long but it is a speck
of light among a field of endless black. I am
searching in the darkness for you as well.

We have found each other and now share
this moment together. How good it is to not
be alone. To connect, to share words, to
remind ourselves of what could yet be.


Monday, May 29, 2017

Adulthood

I always thought being an adult was going to 
be different. Not sure how different but I did 
expect it to be different. I feel most aware of 
time and it's passage than I have ever been. In 
childhood and school days it always felt like 
time was this never ending vastness that was
stretching far into the future. As the years have 
passed I see time as a thing that is hurrying to 
rush past me before I can even comprehend 
what has occurred. Milestone moments of my 
life feel like blips on my life and they begin to 
recede into the cavern of memory. I imagined 
that by this age I might be a husband and father 
but that has yet to be the case. I live in an age 
of infinite information yet I feel true wisdom to 
be in available in precipitously small amounts.
I am not alone in how I live but I know many 
who live vastly different lives. There is no right 
or wrong in this but rather in what we grow to 
value and love. I ask myself what I want and 
oftentimes it falls into a few humble things: 
to be able to provide for myself, to be left
alone to my own devices, indulge my mind 
and writing, to travel and explore at my leisure, 
to enjoy the company of family and friends, to live 
a life not dictated by financial and societal pressures 
that seem to grind so many into husks. I have a job, 
a car, bills and obligations of my own choosing, 
and I am largely happy. I do feel unease at what has 
been done or left undone. I think about the coming 
years and wonder how they will be. They will be as 
they must. Of that I am as certain. I think of my father 
and how he is the most adult person I have ever known. 
His work ethic, his sense of duty to his wife and children, 
I have known no one more exemplary of the qualities I 
feel make a good adult. I know he is human and fallible. 
He has made his mistakes. I feel as thought I am lost and 
wandering. Am I waiting to be found? If so, by who or 
what? Perhaps I have merely been in search of myself. 
There are times I cannot help but feel foolish. How dare 
I consider myself an artist when there are so many others 
far more talented and deserving of such a title. I create 
in my own ways for myself because I must. If I were to 
not do this I would die a slow death of the soul. 
I am reaching out. I am looking for ecstasy, peace, 
and transcendence. I wish to be more than what I am. 
I wish for everything and nothing. That is all I could 
ever ask for. I hope my journey has many more years 
in it. There are disappointments and heartache but I 
would be foolish to think of myself as having been 
the only person to feel such ache. My pain and suffering 
is but a drop in the vastness of time. Perhaps not even that. 
In time this may change or it may not. I am here and I am 
thinking about this life, this self. I continue on and I hope 
I am making the best of it. Perhaps some day I will be at 
home in a small house of my own deep in the land of my 
father and grandfathers, listening to the birds and wind, 
wondering about nothing and everything. 

Sunday, April 9, 2017

plucking

plucking gray hairs as though they were weeds in the field
what does this simple act say about aging and vanity
plucked from the head they now rest on black desk top
another morning is here in such an ordinary way
plucking hairs listening to music letting it all simply be

Saturday, March 18, 2017

Fox & Bear

Fox met Bear at the coffee shop. It had been a long
time since the old friends had met. Fox asked Bear if he
remembered the first time they met in the forest. Bear said
he did. It had been many years ago on a spring day, the
kind that people tend to write about, when Bear saw Fox
under a tree. He asked Fox how he was and Fox said he
was sad. Bear asked why. Fox began to explain how alone
he had been feeling and that no sense of beauty was enough
to do away with it. Bear listened and then he listened some
more. He placed a paw on Fox's shoulder and Fox looked
at him. There were trails on the fur of his face where tears
had streaked down. Fox looked at Bear and said "Thank
You." Fox and Bear stayed friends from that point on.
They would make it a point to see each other as often as
they could make time for each other. It was always a great
relief for them to be together and talk. They had long since
left the forest and had been living in the city for some time.
The city had a strange beauty that the forest could not match.
In some ways it was even darker and more cruel than the
life of the forest. They enjoyed the hustle and bustle, the
sense of action, the motion of a place that seemingly never
slept. When they would meet up in the city they would
often meet for coffee or have lunch or dinner. No one
ever disturbed them or cast an awkward glance at their
table. People were content to merely let them be. And so
they were happy. Content to be themselves as much as
anyone else in the city, regardless of their looks or back
ground. Fox would still dream from time to time about
his youth and the countless hours spent in the forest
listening to the birds, enjoying the coolness of early
morning, feeling the dampness of the ground on his
paws, and the way light would scatter through the
branches of the trees when he would look up and just
watch. Bear would dream of the forest as well. Often
Bear would dream of finding a river or stream and
walking into it, the water soaking his paws as he stood
there waiting for fish to feed himself. At those times
he would know how perfect things had been then. How
whole it all really was. Sometimes Bear would wake
from those dreams and feel for a fresh caught fish in
his mouth but there would be nothing except for the
memory of a dream. He would then look out of his
window and know the forest was still there, waiting,
if he were to ever return. In his heart he had no doubt,
regardless of what his conscious mind would tell him.
He could feel the song of his life being sung through
his blood. The city might be home but the forest
would always be the place calling him back, unable
to let him go and he unable to resist the call. This made
Bear restless. Sometimes Fox and Bear would talk
about these feelings and dreams. They agreed that they
both still missed the forest. They decided that they
would take a trip back together to remind themselves
of that place of their birth. And so, the day came
that they got in Bear's car and drove for hours out
of the city until it fell away like a piece of clothing
that had been tossed to the ground. At last they came
home. They got out of the car and breathed in the air.
It was crisp and clean and filled their lungs as they
deeply inhaled and exhaled. They said nothing as
they smiled and looked at each other. They took off
their shoes and clothes and walked into the forest
in the perfection that they had been made. At once
they could feel the dampness of the ground and the
sound of the birds as light lit the branches and leaves
into a theater of color and sound. Nearby was the
sound of water and together they bounded towards
it as their ancestors did before them and countless
others would after them.

Tuesday, February 21, 2017

"I've got to keep control." - Worker Bee, 'Cold Rats'

The purpose to life, if there can be said to be one,
is to become more fully yourself as the years go by.

Monday, January 23, 2017

The Great Restlessness

Restlessness moves through me
  Impels me to stand
                   to walk
Restlessness reminds me
          of irreversible time
                    A river moving
                    forward unable
                    to be still
Able to take us
                    to sights
                    unseen

Monday, December 12, 2016

How differently would we act
If we knew how much life
Each of us have left?

Sunday, December 11, 2016

I may be older 
But my heart is
No less heavy.

Friday, December 9, 2016

Elder

She has descended into senile madness
Lights flicker and misfire
Memory and imagination
Have become one being
There is life in her yet 
Though there is no living 

Thursday, December 1, 2016

Ignorance in the young is understandable.
Ignorance in the old is unforgivable. 

Wednesday, November 30, 2016

Infatuation and Love


Memories of the first woman I was ever infatuated with
leaves me feeling embarrassed at the thing.
We were barely teenagers
And I can't explain it aside from
My mind and body changing so wildly
And attempting to reorient itself.
She was a sweet girl to have put up with
My adolescent yearnings.
I hope she is well today.

Infatuation is a creature that rears itself
Into our consciousness at the oddest of times
And can disappear with the same speed
With which it appeared.

I remember the first woman I ever loved.
It began as sudden attraction.
At this point I was almost on the cusp
Of age 20 or so.
I can remember the soft warm features of
Her face and the way her smile seemed to be
A source of light unto itself.
Her eyes were joyous with a gleam of mischief.

Timing was never right
Between us but we were friends and
I felt a closeness to her that I have yet
To find matched or replicated.
It is unfair of me to compare
One love to another.
No love deserves that.
It is better to honor and remember
That which was.

Time passed and we had our own partners
In seemingly alternating succession.
The day came that she had to leave
And traverse an ocean to be with the man
She chose to marry.
The last night we had together
We watched the lights of the harbor
From a darkened room.

What can I say of the words exchanged?
Nothing much except
We love each other still
Though our lives have charted
Differing waters.

I feel as though I have learned much
But am still a student humbly
Learning from life.

There is no end to this.
I am thinking of love
And I wish for you to know
That it lives inside you
Even at the point
When everything has broken.

Saturday, November 19, 2016

Those Who Feast on Flesh

They want you when you are young and beautiful
But will discard you when life has left you wilted
Your beauty is a commodity they wish to possess

To serve their base desires is their only want 
Life is even-handed in it's cruelty 
Even they shall learn this fact

Thursday, October 20, 2016

Carved Into Rock

Older, fatter, balder,
The fate of us all is hewn into rock
Visible for all to see
In every known and dead tongue
Belief in a pantheon of gods
Becomes another's mythology
We believe in our own wisdom
Yet often miss the glaring light
Of day blinding us in our mirror
This cruel life makes our youth
All too brief and beautiful
As we spend the rest of our lives
Chasing what is replenished
Without us

Thursday, September 8, 2016

Recognition

A lifetime of fading beauty
I still recognize you
Despite what life has done
I could never forget
The brilliance in your eyes

Sunday, September 4, 2016

It Doesn't Matter He's Dead Anyway

Don't believe the hype of conspiracy
I doubt his wife had reason to murder her famous husband
The signs had been piling up behind him
None of them were good
Hindsight won't do him any good now
His daughter was married to someone in a band
who looked just liked him
Perhaps it was more than coincidental
His wife is in the news every now and then
over something or other
It's sort of sad but she's managed to outlive him
despite her problems
His music lingers the speakers blaring
so called classic rock
even if it doesn't seem like long ago
The years pile up like dust on attic furniture
I was slightly too young to care
at the time and now I see the bigger picture
We're only here for a brief time
We'll watch many friends and strangers die
before our time comes
no matter how we may delude ourselves otherwise
You look beautiful today
I don't care how messed up your hair is
I'd kiss you right now
I love you
Don't worry
We're here together now

Sunday, May 29, 2016

For Jewel

Time marks us so gradually
that we scarcely notice
the change it leaves upon us.

I am aware of my mortality.
I know the ceaseless march of
days will in fact end.

Inevitable. Inescapable.
How many ways are
there to state this?

My niece is no longer an infant.
She is beginning to walk
and use the simplest of language.

There are gray hairs colonizing
my beard. The settlement is
becoming a small village.

How much longer until the village
becomes a city? How much longer
until my niece calls me by name?

Our old dog grows older.
Should I envy her natural ignorance?
I'm not sure. I'm not sure.