When you were near

I wasn't there

nor anywhere.

The Intrinsic Self

You've been beautiful

since before you were

born.

An Unkind

There is no reason for this,

it just as easily could not be.

That is not the case.

We find ourselves

or we don't.

We find meaning

or drown in oblivions

of our own making.

Don't be honest,

don't be truthful,

don't return favors

and you will reap

an ill harvest.

Everything Breaking Down

She was waving her arms frantically and yelling

by the crumbling bus station in downtown.


The cars in front of me began to roll up their

windows as they approached.


She didn't look particularly destitute,

as I turned the corner her gaze caught me,


an unsettling intensity, a manic energy

that was freed and had nowhere to go


but out in every direction possible.

Her voice was muffled by the windows.


I drove past her and past my destination.

I needed to be far, far from there.

Visitor

It finds itself next to you

and you do nothing but berate it,

tell it to be quiet. 


It doesn't even know why

it bothers to come round

and say hello.


If you keep it up

It might even stop coming

by altogether.


Nothing would be worse

than silence

consuming everything. 

I see your face

I know your taste

Left Behind

You never stopped living 

for the one who 

stopped loving you.

Economics

Sell my outrage

back to me

at twice 

the cost.

Enough Rest

Fall asleep at a reasonable hour,
you're not getting any younger,
the decades are beginning to pile up.

It's not so bad now, yet. You wake
up, clear headed, life is in progress.
There are times when the Sun feels

like a stranger smiling at you as you
walk down the street, so you smile
awkwardly, maybe say hello.

There is no one in the house but you.
It's as silent as you want it to be.
There are dogs barking somewhere,

you can't ignore them as they echo
through suburban canyons. Your body
does not ache or thirst. No pain throbs

through your head, you are ready. For
what? For when? There is only one
person with an answer.

Time to start using my heart
for what it was made for.

Lick Your Wounds And Love Again

Asphalt Heart

blackened


trod upon


hardened



torn up road


grating it


readying new asphalt

Life rewards those who pick

the fruit of the tree.

Nesting Dolls

He woke up

and thought to himself

'I am'.

All life,

all experience

stems from this fact.

Without this condition

nothing else

is possible.

He wondered

'What should I do

today?'

He gazed through

the window

and saw a spider

spinning a web

between the arms

of a tree.

He stood up,

put on his shoes,

walked into

the yard.

Moving forward

upward

never down

ward

Against

Caught here

jammed against

myself

and me

I struggle

squirm

and wait

for it to pass

but it

never does.

Fine Print

The rules of the heart 

are subject to change

without notice.

Scatter me into the wind

Do not cry for I am free

Fell in love

with a ghost,

now her image 

is haunting me.

"I Only Gave Up On You 


Because I Gave Up 


On Myself."

Impending Collapse

Empire decays

like the grin 

of a rotting corpse.


Skin and muscle

reveal hardened 

white. Urban 


prairies, a frontier

reclaiming the 

fields of progress.

Three Pieces

I.

I won't tell you how to live
if you'll do the same for me.

I need help now and then
I hope you don't mind If I call.

What are we for 
if not for small acts of grace.

I need you more than ever
it just gets so hard some days.

We are all the world has given us.


II.


You said
I'd be happy at the end of world
as long as you were around.

I am gone and I know what it means.


III.

Carve up your fears into ghosts

Another Random Collection of Odds & Ends

What I have found has been lost.

Don't bother looking for it

I don't need it. It's time with me

has passed.

It begins its life anew without me.

This is a perfectly acceptable 

turn of events. How boring

we would all be 

                          without some

instability in our lives. Routine

grows expectation, cages spirit.

Vision guided by invisible blinders.

Mandatory Extinction

I've got something to say but I've lost my voice again.

Something has to change.

Everything is going to change.

The Future Isn't The Kind Of Place I'd Like To Be.

Honesty will get you nowhere.

I heard about what happened.

I'm not blaming you

for his actions

but you didn't help.

You didn't have

to offer him any.

You know he was 

trying to stay off

the junk. All it took

was one last time.

Tear down temple,

the statues have fallen

and cracked upon the floor.

Dreaming the Gods to life.

Converge into light.

Selling the Sky.

Reclamation

I am not lost,

I have returned to a home

never known.


I am not afraid,

I am finding the birth right

bequeathed to us.


Bird song fills

soft-lit afternoons,

a different kind of silence.


Feral kin step quietly

nearby. We exchange

a knowing glance.


I do not speak.

My voice has become

a stranger to myself.


I do not fear.

I will be provided for.

Reclaiming an ancient legacy.

According to No One

Living In America

Amplify the conversation,

heat up the argument.


Bring reason to a boil,

hot water spills again.


Facts measured by numbers

too painful to be real.


Voices bay and echo,

distorting into static.


Patterns are a well-worn

footpath where nothing grows.


The script is never rewritten,

wait for the next act.

Gathering Forces

Clouds gather

as evening closes in.

The lamp turns on

in your neighbors

window. From the

porch you watch,

the breeze cools

your skin. Shut

the door.

Somewhere

Doe-eyed beauty

how young you are.

Your son delights

in the world with

you. Where is the

X to this Y axis?

Somewhere.

Somewhere.

Impulse and Need

Don't write about
boredom. Don't write
about the ocean. Don't
write about love. Don't
write about happiness.
Don't write about your
sadness. Don't write
about the changing of
seasons. Don't write
about writing. Don't
write about writers.
Don't write about
drinking. Don't write
about rejection. Don't
write about suburbia.
Don't write about your
kids. Don't write about
your traumas. Don't
write about your pets.
Don't write former loves.
Don't write about you.
Don't write about your
parents. Don't write
about death. Don't write
about politics. Don't
write about your lack
of understanding. Don't
write about academia.
Don't write about this.
Definitely don't write
about that. Don't write
to write. Don't write
for them. Don't write.

Open Page

Note: everything in this post was written/scrawled over a period of a few days. just pure randomness.


glances meeting over short distances

validating narcissism

I have probably had a crush on you but you never knew about it.
I try to not tell people if I like them or have a crush on them.
Rejection will erode your confidence like that.
You end up finding comfort in your solitude.
You guard your heart against those that come too close.
It's nothing personal against them, you just don't want
to keep using glue and tape to hold the shattered pieces
together any more. It beats all the same.


Waiting and receiving no answer, seeing no one.


When
I died
she came looking
for me

only
to find me
every where


The longer one stays awake at night
the further mind stretches
and contorts itself
into forms unrecognizable
during the day


So far away
so far away

Chlorine In The Gene Pool

I woke up early because I didn't know what else to do.
10pm is an early bedtime for me,
it's something I'm just not used to.

It rained last night.
Our paved driveway is covered with
alternating splotches of wet and dry.

If it is raining while you sleep
do you think that it affects your dreams?
In what ways, I wonder.

The neighborhood is as quiet
as I have ever heard. There are no
helicopters overhead looking

for suspects. Everyone is asleep,
or at least most people. This is perfect.
The day has yet to make its demands,

they are not always unreasonable
but they can be taxing. Everyones
dreams are closing in on reality,

I wonder what the final moments are.
Though I have just woken, I cannot
remember mine. Only the silence

of early morning, sitting here,
keeping me company. Always
such a faithful friend.


Every pair of eyes do their best to lie.


THERE ARE NO SECRETS FROM OUR FEARS


If you come around
I won't be here
Don't expect to see me again
Don't expect me now and then
Don't expect to see me again

I should have known better
but now I do
Learning lessons the hard way
you've always been a teacher
teaching me out of school

When you get sick
of doing
seeing
the same
things
places

the same outcomes
from the same actions

your habits are the only molds
you need to break


Truest Love or a Divorce waiting to happen

evolution

wear no face

walk into the crowd

what we have become

The End of Us

Some relationships end 

with neither a bang

nor whimper,

merely the sound 

of flames extinguished

by wind.

Your heart is pestilence.

Love All Ways


Go beyond the zero,

don't hesitate.


Redraw the margins,

color in, obfuscate.


Relief relieved again.

When did you end last night?


Don't wonder, baby.

It's fine, it's fine.

Soon

How soon is now?

How soon is forever?


Don't tell me soon.

Don't tell me why.

Lie to me again,

it's all I need from you. 


How soon is now? 

How soon is forever? 

Soon enough, 

soon enough you said.

Speak in a voice I can hear.

Invoke sense and experience,

recall that which has passed,

is passing. 

I've learned to stop 
wishing for the impossible.

White Desert

III. Random Thoughts

I.

I have become driftwood.

In your life I sail.



II.

Get up with the boogey-down.

III.

All memories to the back please.

Stop being so conveniently placed.

Soon you'll be drowned to the point

of forgotten remembrances.

Silly things, why do you persist?

-done

30, 29
We keep falling

28, 27-
We still descend

26, 25-
We're barely alive

24, 23-
Crashing through branches of a tree

22, 21-
This is nothing fun

20, 19-
What I've heard I've unseen

18, 17-
Fists squeezed tight

16, 15-
Become unstuck

14, 13-
Closer, closer

12, 11-
Who watches from above

10, 9-
establish rhyme

8, 7-
steps to Heaven

6, 5-
exiting essence

4, 3-
near finality

2, 1-
become un

I'm not interested in forever,

only today.

TIME WILL CHANGE US ALL

A History of War

You don't need the things that hurt you.

You don't need bad memories to burden your heart.

Learn.

Grow.

Pain will come to you, life assures that.

Don't forget to revel in joy when it comes. 

Learn.

Grow.

Love those around to be loved.

Books gather dust sitting on shelves.

The edges of the pages grow discolored.



Everything has passed between us,

nothing remains.

Precious Amber

Can you play like Bill Evans on 'Blue In Green'
from the 'Kind of Blue' album by Miles Davis?
I love that song. It's romantic with an underlying
sense of sadness. Times both passed and missed,
the fulfillment of aging, the stable instability of
change without end. I don't know how it can
make me feel this way, but it does. I can't help
but feel this every time. I listen to it more and
more, hoping to make sense of everything. I
reach a point where I don't need things to make
sense any longer, I can look at the moment and
see it for what it is. Amber containing an insect,
a speck of pollen. Did the insect know it would
achieve an abbreviated immortality? Set in a neck-
lance, dangling by chain on the chest of a woman?
Life has a way of making us laugh when it's not
breaking out hearts. Notes as pure as glass sparkle
through the darkness, haunt the air with their sound.
Miles has been dead for years, Bill, even further since.
Their amber floats through ether, makes them unstuck
in time, breathes their hands to life once more, how
they would love this morning, clear blue, radiance
warming everything. We watch the same sky. How
many more times shall we see this? Precious amber
glinting in the sun.

Hazards Ahead

Red hair the color of nuclear Kool-Aid,

a flare signaling danger-

warning those that may come near.


There is no fire,

no sudden threat to life,

only the hidden flames


scorching the invisible

landscape. An onlooker

approaches. Pity.

11/14/12 Freewrite

you start by writing about nothing and hoping
that it will go somewhere you eschew any type
of punctuation and instead decide to keep at it
to keep the words coming regardless of the gib
berish quality to what may be said it never stop
ed you before and it wont now stray observations
pile up like gridlock on the 110 freeway on a
friday evening everyone trying to get home all
the grouchy bastards stewing in their portable
pots and cursing those in front of him impeding
his path home just a drink just a little something
to take the edge off of the day it sounds so simple
but it can go so wrong so quickly who would
have thought not the one drinking thats for sure
thats the story weve heard before and over and
over again its like watching the same movie and
thinking that the plot will change it wont and
instead you will remember the plot the way the
scenes change the way their faces twist and con-
tort into rubbery expressions the face can lie but
the eyes cannot how you can fake the way light
reflects from the innerflame you cannnot will not
be able to make this change so you keep searching
for a better way to lie a better way to mask truth
truth never wishes to hide it is only our cowardly
leanings that seek to mask that which is that which
must be seen will be seen suffer for this trespass
and learn the meaning of atonement for sin that
guilts and gilds itself to the spirit atone a tone
how meaning can change with hardly a change
in sound in timbre just another mystery another
quirk to language to these words you read to
these words I type and wonder who is reading
why are they reading why am I typing why am
I writing for who and what purpose or no purpose
at all it doesnt matter only the act itself ascribe
meaning at a later date we can only do so when
time has given us the means to gain perspective

Where The Road Ends.

Connect Them

Resonance

Frequency

Oscillate 

Swing 

Pendulum

A Few Words On This

Better letters than no words at all.


Better to be in thought than not thought of.


Distance builds better friendships through longing.

_____

Communicating through cul-de-sac's of meaning-

meaninglessness comes to stay awhile.

Upon

waking, being

uncertain as to the time,

the day, 

and wondering 

if it matters.