If I love you,

I am terrible

at saying 

goodbye.

Keeping the Light On

I felt the light switch toggle
back and forth
in my mind as I was running.

The darkness shifted behind
my eyes as I moved
under the afternoon sun.

I let it switch on and off and
on and off until
it reached the on position.

A self-correcting problem
that comes
and goes at it's leisure,

I don't have it figured out,
though, I'm not sure
there is anything to figure out.

The Gods do not worry 
about us hearing them move 
the heavens into position.

I am awake

I am awake because I have to. I am awake
because I am not dead. I am awake
because I am fully rested. I am awake
because I must work. I am awake because
I must run. I am awake because to further
sleep would bring me discomfort. I am
awake because the sun is bleeding through
the blinds. I am awake because I had to use
the bathroom. I am awake because there
is someone I love. I am awake because
sleep becomes boring. I am awake because
my hands cannot bear another moment
of inactivity. I am awake because the Earth
continues it's rotation. I am awake because
the news is an annoyance. I am awake
because I have something to tell you. I am
awake because I wonder where you are.
I am awake because I have nowhere to be.
I am awake because I have plans. I am awake
because my ambition needs little sleep. I
am awake because I hunger. I am awake
because I wake at a similar time most days.
I am awake because I am repetitive. I am
awake because because is a good enough
reason. I am awake because I seek to be
delighted by the unexpected. I am awake
because I expect nothing. I am awake
because the dog kicked me in its sleep.
I am awake because to not do so would
be disappointing but not altogether un-
foreseen in the grand scheme that people
seem to talk about from time to time. I am
awake because my fingers are at work
relaying words from my cpu. I am awake
because out there is a woman walking her
dog and I wonder if she knows I am
thinking of her.

My heart is a spectacle

viewable both day

and night.

The gesture is the weight.

Waking Up On The Moon

Without Proof/Only Belief

It is not that I was born
at the wrong time
as much as
I have been here before.

pencil marks

Eraser rubbing out
all the pencil marks
from the page

leaving phantom
impressions

Stranded by Choice

My Heart is on an island somewhere
off the coast of Southern California.
It missed the boat back to L.A. Harbor

My Conscience almost missed it too
but got there just in time. I just received
a text message from my Heart telling me

to not worry, that it's just going to enjoy
the island for a few more days,
it really wants to go on a hike and see

more of the nightlife there. I can't blame it.
I'd have stayed there longer if I could have.

In Memoriam

Open the room
where your Mother
once lived.

Open the windows
she once looked
through.

Open her closet
to the clothes
she once wore.

Open the album
of photos where she
held you as a baby.

Remember how
she loved you?

The ache of absence.

In A Moment

You echo within me

Touch my hand

Turn me electric

Here and now
Hear now

Pulsing current

Primal heat

Fingers laced together

Here and now
Hear now

To Forgive

We learn to forgive

in time.

The pain must subside.

Thoughts must be

collected into

a box and sealed

with a ribbon.

We learn to forgive

in time

because forgiveness

is a growth of love,

of maturity.

I can forgive

because I love you

still.

I can forgive

because

your love

is only yours

to give.

I am lucky

to have had you

in the way I did.

Tears Are Salty Like The Ocean

It looked like us

sitting in the sand

because we were

We both wanted

our feet to touch

the ocean

Your eyes began

to leak drops

of salted water

so I held you

as best I could

Soon the drops

stopped Our feet

edged over rocks

trying not to slip

A bracing shock

of cold covered

every toe

Standing on the

large flat rock

we looked out

our feet in water

boats nearby

a horizon to reach

Leaving Avalon

Sitting alone in the back of a boat

taking me home

I watched the last of the passengers embark

The lights of Avalon 

color the dark water 

We depart slowly though
as soon as we are far enough away

the engine kicks in to a full roar-

white wake trailing behind

as the lights of the city grow farther

and farther away

Soon they morph into a singular line

and eventually into a point

and shortly after

even the point has gone

I close my eyes and let myself

breath deeply 

In time I see the lights of home

begin to emerge

I start to wonder

if something has changed

if everything has changed

My Heart & I

I cannot sleep because
my heart is wide awake

It knows me better
than I care to admit

So we are keeping
each other company

on this lonely night
away from the crowds

alone in mutual silence

passing through

We've been here so many times before

Always forgetting

as we move from one frame

to the next

Forgetting and

remembering and

forgetting

again and again

Entering through light

and passing through it

once again

Forgetting and remembering

forever

Every Ghost Was Once Alive

Tell The Ghosts

to be quiet. It's hard to sleep
when I hear klutzy bumps
in the living room.
They don't scare me
the way they did
when I was a child.
They've kept me
company all these years.
I'd be more scared
if I didn't hear
them bump in the night.
We're ok these days.
It's good to know
someone is out there
in the dark
looking out
while I sleep.

let them be

Don't start a gray day with tears
streaming down your face
but if you have to
let them go
where they need to
Let them find their way
They know what you need
to make it better
for a moment
before you get dressed
before you step out the door
to face the day
the traffic
the heat of the summer
the ambivalence of the world

A failure

I poured cheap courage into my mouth
and felt it burn all esophageal corridors.

I was only there because I needed to use
their bathroom.

Two shots and a beer later it didn't matter
why I was there. It was daylight outside.

There were things to do, tasks to
accomplish, tasks to fail at.

Now, at home, I think of my failure,
and look to another morning

for an answer, for a better way to
what is coming next.

Loving Her

I love her when she's mine and bored.

I love her in silence.

I love her in secret.

I love her when I am lonely.

I love her when I am bursting apart.

I love her when reason laughs at our foolishness.

I love her beneathe stars who do not judge.

I love her by ocean waves of ceaseless conversation.

I love her beneath trees.

I love her when I am alone

and remembering

loving her.

submission

Turn up
             the volume

Press your ears

to    the speaker

Distort dis tort dis t ort dis t or t

everything must
distort

transitions from music
to     white  noise

hissing
           feeding
back


amplified

noise


your subconscious ablaze

projected

through until

permanent silence

rules

Incarnations & Incantations

Religious Inquiry

Do God,
the angels and saints
still watch over you
if your faith is shaken?
If you've ceased 
to believe?

Worn Down Paths

Uninspire me

Retread muddied paths

I will criticize

everything as a result

of my own thwarted ambition

I am fine with this

until I realize

I need this too

I need the salvation

we're all striving for

Of Course I'm Going To Die

I'd rather remember

my death

as an inevitable event

than live

oblivious to it.

your cheeks became a

rainforest and all I could 

think of was deforestation

Washer & Dryer

The city breathes as one 

in Summer heat.

I stand in the open garage

and see no one walking by

and no cars in the distance.

It is a rare stillness.

The washing machine spins

it's load. It has thought 

about retirement but doesn't

think it would be happy.

The dryer is sleeping 

but will have to get working

soon. They sit next to each

other like an old married

couple who can enjoy

long silences without worry.

I lean against my car.

It too has been thinking

about retirement. I know

this because of the check

engine lights on its dash

board. When its time comes 

it will be easy

to let one another go.

Balthazar

In the field among the sheep

legs buckling

a small rest

is all

a small rest

is all

Father calling you home

sheep surround you

Sun reaching your eyes

Father calling you home

One more breath

unknown

Every night must end

in silence.

A clarity that burns

eardrums,

that purifies heart.

The crickets hum

outside my window,

this night is not yet

done. We listen

to one another

and wonder

what more

there is to know.

Even night

must end.

storms

shelter in a storm

battered 

beams cracked

glass jagged

huddled

cornered 

by darkness

stillness

in the eye

another pass

unrelenting power

life rearranged

new order

arise

Love & Time

Love is not a waste of our time.
It is the best use of our time.

This animal which I became.