lifetime of questions
where do the answers abound
everywhere we look

December 31st

Winter
Spring
Summer
and Fall
Natural order
A progression older
than any species
A progression as old
as Nature itself
Another year past
Another chance
to remember the good
to learn from failure
to try again
So we must
try and try
and try and
try again

Years

Reading through a book
Page after page
being turned
A new chapter
More pages
Endless story

Notes

Let go of all that harms you
Allow yourself the space to feel peace
Do no harm to others
Do no harm to yourself
Work towards balance and happiness
Embrace the lessons failure imparts
Permit mistakes but do not let them
become habits
Be kind to all

through all darkness

days darkened by the dimming of hope
nights long and unforgiving
cold winds driving warmth
from our bodies
can there be surrender
must we continue onwards
yes yes yes
darkest night will break
a beaming pinhole of light
shining through
becomes the beacon
we have awaited

Contented peace
slouches back and closes it's eyes
Breathing slows to a steady pace
Dreams seen only through closed eyes

Journal Entry

I went to bed and slept well.
I slept longer than I normally would
but in the end I wound up well rested.
I woke up thinking about her
because of the distance
between us on her trip.
I remain on this coast
while she is on the other
visiting family.
I have reached a point
where the real work I must do
needs to occur. It is not enough
to think it, to talk of it, it is time
to be measured and deliberate.
It is the eve of a major holiday.
The sun shines through cloudy
grey skies but there is a strange
hope in me that this year
is turning towards a better one.

The Builders

Pieces of ourselves
given
          and received
Precious
parts exchanged

Building
Creating
some thing new
to gether

Living within
one another

Yes
This is it
This is how
it is
supposed
to be

appearing
dis
     appearing
emerg ing
at just
the
      right time

Conditions

How easy it is to be
needlessly cruel
in a time
when greater kindness
is needed
at all points
on the path

Branches diverging
from the trunk
yet even
unseen fingers
reach out
grasping the dirt

Still Angry

I'm still angry and broke
The present is never enough
I'm sick of starving
and living in the margins

A drink takes the edge
just long enough to forget
how fucked we are
but never pushes harder
to change it all

It Is What It Is

Call me home
to where I've been
Call me home
to where I'm missed
Wandering in this lifetime
Seeking understanding
I have found a home in you
Open the door
I will come through
This is where I belong
With you here and now

A New Morning

burning away grey
clouds dissipate
the sun
emerging
victorious

Red Sunrise

Fiery sunrise
Red light floods the sky
A bird is chirping urgently
from a branch
on the tree outside my window
What now
What does she know

This life
forever
expanding
and
contracting
as our days
diminish
and we
seek out
the un-
definable

Over and Over

I woke up with a song in my heart
and your image in my eyes
Falling over and over
in love with you
Over and over
and I would
not want it
any other
way

On Death

Sinking
DR OWN ing
to our deaths
or is it
to life everlasting
New life
in new forms

Will I wither
and crumble into dust
Yes
but not today

Eternal Life

Crossing between states
Memories formed and forgotten
Existence reduce to essential matter
You, I, We, Us,
sailing down the stream
that feeds the endless ocean
Plunging in
Resurfacing
Over and over
Eternal life

To Do

Learn through mistakes
Some larger than others
If there is time to correct
the path then take it
Right what can still be
righted and change
Do not take this lesson
and merely say it
Take it and do it
That is what must be done

There You Go

Late summer southern sun
beaming down on Sunday afternoon
Far from the place you call home
you are comforting those you love
And I love you
I long for you
Your absence is necessary
Your kind face
Your laugh
I miss
Your kiss
Your embrace
Your love
As you would say
"There you go"

A Gathering Storm

Gentle current on a clear day
Gray gathers at the outer edges of perception
A shift begins

Drops of water
turn into a torrent
 Lightning streaks the sky
Thunder cracks

Get through
Survive

Amputation

Through skin and muscle
Finally
sawing through
and breaking bone
Painful separation
A life saved

Drown

The only way to save myself
is to drown
so I drown every day
every night
waiting for salvation
waiting for the light

The Days and Nights

In the days and nights
of my dying
as candle light flickers
what was always destined
will emerge
Will it be
during Spring showers
or in Summer's warmth
Perhaps the falling leaves
of Autumn will greet me
or the final frost of Winter
Will I gaze out a window
and sigh as the sun
breaks through the clouds
and tells me
everything I need to know

When a grain of sand 
is moved
has the whole
beach changed?

5 a.m.

Warm and dreaming
next to each other
Bodies move and
tangle before dawn
Easing into sleep
once more
Landscapes real
and imagined

Rebirth

Every morning
Reborn into life
A simple and
overlooked gift

Without you
life is diminished
With you
life is improved

Words are artless
compared to you

To think of you
is to long for you

To know you
is to desire you

To have you
is to have all

Love

It really is
as simple as you think
if the timing is right

Don't stress
Don't worry
Don't over think

It is just that simple

To Be

I'll be a shaman for you

I'll be a healer for you

I'll be a woman for you

I'll be a doctor for you

I'll be your lover

I'll be your nothing

I'll be your everything

I'll be here and now

I'll be present

I'll be eternal

I'll be dead if you want me to

I'll be your anything

Open Honesty

/tear open your chest

show me

what makes you breath

"        "         "     beat

Don't give me wind

"        "       "   words

Give me something more

More substance

More immortality

More permanence

in this t e m p o  r  e  a  l  i t y 

Other Travels

It didn't hurt at all
I felt peace and relief as the separation
of body and essence occurred

There was light but no tunnel

Only light
Embracing
Enfolding
Reforging
me into
what I
had once
been

I travel freely through the known
and unknown spheres of what has
yet to be revealed to you

Give it time
This change will come
Do not hurry it

You will find each other
at the right time of revelation

Cat Circus at the Governors Mansion

Your laugh comes easily
and quickly
I start laughing

Seven cats
running around
sleeping
and being
as cats should

It's so ridiculous
you say
You don't even
like cats

We both laugh
and hear the sound
of a cat jumping
off the dining room
table and scampering
across the wooden floor

Tired and restless
Warm summer night
left me tossing in bed
Thoughts turned to you
Finally some peace
Finally something good

Where Days Begin

Does the day begin
merely with the sunrise?
Does the day begin
when our eyes flutter
back into consciousness?
Does the day begin
when I kiss you?

Our days are always
beginning
Our days are always
ending
Our days are always
holding hands
unable to let go
of one another

This life
These days
Moving through them
Moving through us as well

Absent

Absent of you from bed
You do not stray far from my thoughts
I wake and call
Your voice is there
Missing you
Being together
Missing you
Together again
Soon

Prophet

Go beyond the dream
Return to reality
Have I become a prophet
for what I have seen
I have felt too much
I have done too much
to turn away from this
The path reveals itself
further and further
with each passing hour
Behind closed eyes
the form appears
the vision takes life

In Brief

Ghostly skin
I wear it so easily
Draped upon my arm

Burning light from the omniscient eye
known by so many names
through all of our existence

Your voice still sings for me
Your words still hang in air
You have become part of me

Dreams torn apart
rearranged
such strange beasts

Reaching for a hand
Finding it
Holding it
Asking where is
the destination

Primitive beneathe our civilization
Proud creatures of the Earth
Have we forgotten our nature

Restless sleep in summer heat
Whirring fan
Open window
Restless people of a burning city

A bud blooming
Fiery red
Unruly flower
What can be done
Memory and shadow
A haunted image

Fragments
Words tossed
and left
Create meaning
from nothing

We hold our secrets like children.

Imperfect union of imperfect people
A history of the world in one sentence

In my sleep I dreams
In my dreams I live
In the lives of my dreams
I become the ideal
of what I have always desired

Preferred Permutation

Breakfast the morning before the world ended/changed

Sinner / Lover

My heart is yours
My blood is yours
Swallow me
Make me
part of you
Swallow me
Make me
part of you
Absolve me
of all sins

Morning 6/6/18

The World Created in Reverse / Backward

A world curated
and covered in blooms
Gardens manicured
Us walking freely
along unfamiliar paths

Small separations
Longing closed by conversation
Flesh desiring to be near another

whole

Pie ces of our selves

            we find
            in others

to gether WE

become
whole

Space

In you the universe lives

breathes
              and stretches

on such
a lazy morning

Stardust
in your
eyes

Gazing into
soft brown irises

a galaxy

Speak

Speak of the future

as though you have met

and made plans

for tomorrow

When today has lapsed

into tomorrow

what will be of those plans

Speak as though 

everything is not mutable

Speak as though

we are not all looking

towards the same sunset

before the dawn

Your touch
your kiss
your caress

-nothing else
exists

here before
dawn

skin on
skin

heaven
incarnate

skin on skin
your heartbeat
lulls me to sleep
again

In Your Living Room

Could we dance all night
in your living room?
Play the music loud-
hopefully the neighbors
won't mind.
Don't they know
we're in love?
I'll do my best to not
step on your feet,
you know I feel bad
when I do.
Look at me the way
I look at you.
I know you do.
I know you do.
Could we dance
and never leave
the living room?
Could we dance
and never leave
the house again?

Love Poems

are serious business.
Everyone writes them
even if they don't admit it.
The object of affection
becomes more than human
in the eyes of the lover.
Such grand pronouncements!
Declarations so vast and grand
that they could be renaissance
paintings on display in a museum.
What matters?
What is the substance?
Simple.
I love you.
I love you passionately.
I love you deeply.
With you I am enriched.
Without you I am diminished.
I grow with each of your kisses.
I am nurtured by each embrace.
Give me your heart.
You possess me
mind, body, and spirit,
Dear one.

Bud and Blossom

It never entered my mind
until it did
and now the thought
of you lives in me

How slowly you took root
How suddenly
you sprung forth

Young flowers
bud and blossom

Lavender Rose

How long will I live
in this dream?
How many mornings
How many nights
will you be there?
Could these days
be forever?
Endless dreaming..
Endless time
together
in this place.
I bring you
a lavender rose
in your kitchen.
Embrace.
A little
kiss.

Rest

Darkness has become gray
Cars idling at the traffic signal
Cars driving by the front door
A restless city alive again
Asleep within the warmth
of bed heavy with blankets
I say goodbye as you rest
When you wake
may the day be good
may the day be kind
may it pass quickly
and bring rest
to you once more

Recent Words for The Muse

Thoughts of you consume me
I am helpless
before them
I submit
to you


Is it Love
or Passion
unfurled?


Would you rather see
a bird caged or
flying through the trees?


A Revolution In My Heart


How much longer
til I wake
up?


Will you stand for something
worth believing in?


Don't confuse communication for love.


Little kisses can mean the most."

Morning 5/20/18

If you are the heavens
I am the ocean
always beneathe
your loving gaze

Too many words
Too obvious a subject
Impossible to articulate
the burgeoning feeling
within my chest

There is a life
There is love
that has come before this
To be patient
To be kind
To let the river
of experience flow
To let the heart heal
and mend
To be understanding
of this journey
To be open hearted
To not be possessive
To be trusting

Perhaps
Now
is the only time
that matters

Purple and Green (freewrite)

I cannot think of what to write so I'm going to write all the same
and let the words fall where they may but the words will not fall
they will remain on this page as they should as they have been
placed with purpose by me as I have typed them out They speak
in the way they were designed and I have you on my mind but
who is the you and who is the I Image incarnate I see you face
I can hear your breath in my ears I can hear the sound of pleasure
from your lips and feel the sweat of midnight bodies It is no longer
night It is morning and grey skies color the heavens as they Sun
wonders how it is going to break through Blue skies are there
biding there time Patiently waiting to see us again I imagine my
self when I was a child and struggle to remember memories of
the life I lived the person I was at one time My body has grown
shifted and become something altogether different from the infant
I once was My mother is still here and I can see the ways in which
I take after her We share the same skin tone and a similar sense of
humor though I cannot cook at least not in the way that she can
but that is no fault of hers merely mine I continue to write without
purpose but all art could be perceived in this way by others but
that would be their loss and not of the artist How we speak What
we say How we say it These are all things that we struggle with
Deal with because we must Can I tell you her favorite colors
She said she loves Purple and Green I told her I love Blue and
Green I cannot wait to see her I feel like a child waiting for
Christmas every time I am apart from her I do not wish to be an
impatient lover I do not wish to crowd her I must be open and
trusting of her And I do love her And I do trust her That is what
I must do how I must also be Her name is on my lips but so is
the taste of sweetness the taste of her lips the taste of her sweat
the smell of her hair the memory of our bodies bare skin against
bare skin into a peaceful rest A rest where the world ceases to be

I Am Consumed By The Thought Of You.

The Voyage

I cannot tell you how many hours and days
passed with me standing at the shore looking
out at the ocean. After a while I began to wonder
at what might be in the waters. I walked to the
water and felt my feet become wet. I kept going
until the water was at my chest and began to swim.
And so I swam. I swam for days and nights without
rest. I went as long as I could and found nothing but
ocean surrounding me as far as I could see. Finally,
I saw a boat in the distance and began to swim towards
it frantically. My heart was pounding. My body was
aching from all the swimming. I couldn't give up yet,
I had to get to the boat. As I approached I could see
that it was a small wooden lifeboat. How long it had
been adrift and where it had come from I could not
begin to imagine. At last it was close enough that the
grain of wood on the planks became apparent. Pain
was wracking through me as I finally clutched the
boat. I held on for some time. There was no one
there to help. It was only the boat and I on the waves.
I managed to find enough strength to climb aboard.
Once inside there was nothing inside to give any
indication of anything. It was a simple wooden
lifeboat with one plank crossing its midsection
that I could use to sit upon. In my exhausted state I
fell asleep. A vast and dreamless sleep held me
for hours or days. I felt myself become the ocean
waters and the peace and power that is incarnate
within. Slowly my eyes opened. It was night.
Starry skies in the darkness shone upon the dark
waters. Constellations gazed into moving mirrored
waters. The night grew sick and faded into day.
The waves were gently passing by. I sat there with
no thoughts. I no longer felt hunger nor pain. I was
alive through a process I could not understand. Sleep
would come and go as it pleased through me. One
day after waking I was surprised to find a small island
off in the distance. We were quickly being pushed
towards it by the water. I could not believe. My heart
was furious and I had to calm myself through my
breathing. I could see sand and trees and all that
they promise. At last the boat beached itself onto the
sand. I fell out onto my knees and cried til I was
exhausted. When I could gather my strength I walked
the shore. In the near distance I could see something
resting on the sand. As I got closer it appeared to be
a box of some kind. The thick worn cardboard of it
was weathered. It felt like in my hands. I opened it
up and found this inscribed on a piece of paper.
"You are here now. I am here as well. Find me. Let's
end this loneliness together. Find me beneathe the
sun and stars. I am here. I am waiting." My search
for you has begun. Perhaps the end of loneliness is now.

Morning 5/17/18

Late night thoughts drifting
in between ears and eyes
until at last
eyes relent
and close up shop
for the night
Dreamless sleep

I awake
to your voice
greeting me
Separated by distance
but close enough
to greet each
other again


Gleaming green trumpet
glistening in morning light
One note then
three others
Rhythm and pitch
given life through
embouchure
and expelled air
Can it be
the sound of joy
filling the air?

All

All we have
All we need
is here
All I've desired
I have
Here
now with you

As The Sun Rises

I have no desire
to rise with the dawn
merely to find myself
content and next to you
To fill our world
with warmth
and peace
This
Only this
Forever this

Morning 5/15/18

Raise the stakes
bit by bit
Gambles either
peter out or pay off
Roll the dice
Call black or red
Roll the dice
Let's give it a go


Waking from a dream into a warm bed
Sounds of the city that has awoken
are scattered from moment to moment
You are still asleep
I listen to you breathe
Watching the morning light on your skin
Perfect
Only now
This moment eternal


Restlessness of desire
Oh how my fondness
has increased in measure
An embrace
A touch


Retreading cliche
Is there some truth to it
Perhaps
Morning

Just One Moment

Morning light
Memories
A day fresh born
Watching you bathe
in the Suns gift
Light playing
upon your canvas

A New Ocean

It started simply
with a few words being said
then a few others
and soon
the words became a river
and the river started
forging tributaries
and estuaries
and eventually
an ocean
began to form
and fill with all the words
Standing at the edge of
this new shore
you are there
You turn and look
Our gazes meet
We smile
and laugh
and marvel
at what has emerged
before us
An ocean filled
with all hopes
and possibilities

The Flood

vibrations flooding the bodies
convulsing to rhythms
a flailing dance
the sound encompassing
all creation
til at last
only the sound
exists

Wholly

Cut the crap and get to the point
is what you would say
Then you'd smile with all your teeth
and I'd have to laugh with you

Tears spilled over pink
I listened to you in silence
Held you as best I could
Felt your sobs burrow
into my chest

Wholly you
in all avenues
You have me
here and
now

Morning 5/12/18

Surrender yourself
to the path that emerges
Walk down as far
as it will let you
Absorb all it has to teach


A melody emerges
With it comes
images of you
Memories
fresh
and cool
Skin warm
and hearts
beating for
one another

Recent Events

Representations of action and memory
seated deeply within myself
In the midst of this
I find you
sitting
among the
past and present of
everything I am and have been
Pausing for a moment I breathe in and

let it go

Burning Bright

Sooner or later
the Truth
is always revealed

Burning bright
alongside
the mid-day Sun

It overwhelms
and brightens

everything
it touches

Small Shifts

Soft spoken words
into each others ears
Fears
Hopes
Promises
Warm bodies
under
warm sheets
Morning passing
while we sleep
while we
hold one another
Skin turned
electric
Warm breath
on neck
Silken hairs
rising on
goose flesh
In silence
until at last
a slight groan
as we shift
beneathe

Feast

Feasting from the womb of life
Gulping food
like a starving man
in the middle of the night
Absolution
Ecstasy
wash over me
Place your hands
in my hair

You cannot plan for the unpredictable.

Morning 5/9/18

You should be able to not only look into a mirror
and recognize yourself, you should be able to look
into any human face and recognize yourself.

Dream Forever

I have found the Universe within You

You have lived through many moments
yet only one is ever present.

Topographical Maps

This morning haze will burn away
as the sun shows itself once more

Driving home after so many hours
spent in your company

Desire makes a case for
returning to you

Memory of you is etched
permanently as my hands recall

the topography of you

Soft oceans of skin

Supple curves of the planet

A new place of discovery

Morning 5/7/18

Between base and better nature
Thoughts bouncing
wall to wall
Watching it all
Feeling it all
then acting
in what way
In accordance
to what

I want it all
I want nothing at all
I want freedom
from myself
I want freedom
for myself

More than this
You are more than this
Be more than this
Empty yourself of expectation
Let the wind
breathe through you
Listen now
Now
Always
Now

No birth
No death

Purge Yourself

Slow poison seeping through the body

Coursing through 

Filling all space

before finding its way

out once again 

Clouded mind

Clouded actions

What now

What now

Purge 

everything 

Empty yourself

wholly

Ifs

Promises and dreams
Fantasy and touch
Laughs and reality
Desired embrace
Finding myself
within you
Stillness
Peace

Beginnings and Endings

I have woken up and
I am still alive
The sun is here
The birds are flitting about
from branch to branch
chirping all the while
How many mornings
remain in my life
How many mornings
remain in your life
How will we feel
what will we see
on the last one
Will we even know
The sun won't know
The birds won't mind
The world will be
caught in the mire
of the ordinary
when we move
from the known
into the unseen
I can't find the words
so this is where
these words end

And the sun is out
And you are awake
And the sun is out
And we are alive
Together
Here and Now

Sri Bhagawan

Ecstatic chanting
for as long as time moves
I can see her child hands
play the rhythm of the melody
I marveled at the beauty
of it all Could not
believe it yet
I did

Now is the point of now.

Push To Let Go

There is time
there is time
for now
but there is time
if you are ready
to act
to do
to move
to make
motion happen
like you've
always said
like you've
always promised
yourself
There is time
for now

Morning 4/30/18

You are here.
This is now.
This present
is forever.

You worry about the future.
Do not believe the illusion.
Life was never supposed
to be so difficult for us.

We are all instruments in service of what we are creating.

Chime chime in time
Bells chime chime in time
In time chime chime

Still Human

This longing
has never left

It remains closer
than ever

I can feel it
touch my cheek

a nail hard
against me

Still human
after all

these years

Weightless

Weightless in your arms
No space
No birth
No death
Here
Now
Weightless in your arms
The only moment

Pause

Flying down from smeared pastel skies

Landing on quivering branch

holding on to it's leaves

Listening intently

Head turns this way

and that

Watched and watching

Instinct and reaction

Flight into air 

once again

Run with the Wind

Walking alone down the hallway of memory
I find you there leaning against the wall
staring at the picture of horses running through
the fields I stand next to you and we both say
nothing at all At last you begin to walk alone
again Or so it seems I stand there staring at
the horses running with the wind

Home & Light

Turning light into life
Another normal morning
Daylight daylight
This life we find within
This light we light within
I am here
I am home

Not A Poem

I wanted to write a poem but instead
began to write this and
it could still be a poem
if I found the right words
and images for you
to imagine as you read
the words out loud like
color
morning
dew
warmth
love
mist
tree
leaves
birds

Morning 4/23/18

Dreaming and waking
Finding you are not there
Alone in an empty bed
Grey sky morning
Desire demands fulfillment
but desire doesn't always
understand reality

Working through these days and surviving it all
Persisting

Turn on the lights in the room
Illuminate the corners
See what needs to be found

Morning 4/22/18

It's killing you
It's killing me
It's killing us
and we know the truth
but we keep on living like this
Caught in our patterns
We see our shadows
Keep living like this
We ought to know better
and we do


Why were you in my dreams last?
It took me a moment to realize it was you.
Where were we going?
Where were we at?
Nebulous haze of subconsciousness.

Grow wise enough to know the difference between love and desire.

I need to purge myself of all my sins and vice
Cleanse my body and soul
Find the means to start over
Be the better self I know lives within

Calling out to you through the distance we've made
Can you hear my voice or will it be unheard

Image and Memory

Sitting there smiling at the camera
Chubby faced with a lifetime ahead

Dressed up and standing next to your
prom date on the cusp of adulthood

A slightly out of focus picture of you
and three of your oldest friends

during your college years Young drunk
and not yet fully encumbered

in the mire of adult responsibilities
Collected moments of a life

Sitting on a weekend morning
and setting these thoughts to a page

I anticipate many years ahead
Many more memories to be pondered

Is it so Is it so Will it be so
I wonder I wonder and hope

day

Hours of night
slipped away as
the morning came

The day is here
and will be gone
soon and sooner

This Morning's Rain

Waking from the dream
Pitter-patter sounds of
falling water
drift into my ears
Unexpected grey
blankets the morning sky
Today is here
like always
Now
is the time
It always is

My Sleeping Niece

I pass by your bed and
see you sleeping peacefully.
Having known you
since your birth
I am amazed by you.
You have the joy
and freedom
of life this fully within.
Your exuberance
is infectious
and at times
all I can do is smile
when you call me
or ask a question.
I want you to dream
and not be cumbered
by the ambition
you hold. Dream
as much and as boldly
as you can, Little One.
Your Uncle is here,
and he wants you
to have the world
if you want it.

Stop Running, Start Changing

What am I running from
What am I afraid of
Why do I drink so much
Why do I constantly worry
Why do I do this to my body
Easy and temporary answers
to real and deep rooted
problems are foolish
and short sighted
They show an inability
to reign in the worst
of my human tendencies
There is so much to be afraid of
My mortality
My finances
My health
My future
Why not take charge
of these things
Why not take the reigns
of what no one else
can or should lead?
A healthy body
A healthy spirit
can be found in action
and moderation
If you are healthy
in body and spirit
you can do more
to help others
Fear can be overcome
Fear is a temporary state
Resolve to be less fearful
Resolve to be what
you have always seen
yourself to be

The Weight

Do not cry
be angry
or lament
what you are

No one has made
the choices of our
actions but us
alone

We alone
bear their weight
in body and spirit

If you are unhappy
with your current
state of being
then make the slow
and steady choices
to change
and be more
than the limitations
we place on
ourselves

Morning 4/17/18

Everything will be beautiful again
and when it is
everything you have suffered
will lead you to know
this was the reason

Listening to the same song
Over and over
Fingers gently pushing down
on black and white keys
A voice singing into the air
I close my eyes
Over and over
Her words seep into my marrow
I hold them close
Closer than any words
I have

Amber

Caught in the amber
A moving world
You remain frozen
Watching everything
Come and go

Your Mileage May Vary

You are the master of your own happiness
but do you actually understand what
that truly means?

Happiness is not an object of scarcity
that has come into your possession.

Happiness is not pure bodily pleasure.

Happiness is a chameleon as it bounds
through us all.

Happiness can endure change because
it is malleable.

Happiness is not what we hold on to,
it is what we give away.

You are asking yourself
"What makes you think you know
what happiness is?

I don't.

I know what I believe it to be.

YMMV.

Animal Myths

A Brief History of Nothing

Bound

My memory is bound
to this body
My body is bound
to this world
My life is bound
to the finite

Bound to this life
we are conscious
of our fragile gift

I woke up and felt
for your body
I listened close
and could hear you
in the kitchen

Bound to you
I am fortunate
for the gift
and everything
it has brought

searching for the truth within myself

All the ghosts of who I've been come and drift away.


Your lips are honey covering me
Hands are on expedition
to feel the known world

Confidence and Self-Doubt
Fraternal Twins
Bound together
Living within us

Beat

There is a beat in your chest
There are breaths in
                         and out
       of your lungs
This life
overwhelms
but
      if you go to a quiet place
and listen
very carefully
the miracle
                  reveals itself
over and over
Then
         you will never for get
no matter
the sounds
or sorrow

ill ease

The sense of ill ease
Creeping through your blood
It's voice soft and unsettling
You listen as though there was a choice
You heed it but remain unsure
Of any action
Blood chills in our warm flesh

turning wheels
caught in place
turning
turning
turning

Morning 4/9/18

Time is the subject of our displacement

Truth is canonical

Repetition
Clapping
Singing
Chanting
Voices
Voices
Voices
Incant
Incite
Invoke

The words are here
They have always been here
They will always be here

If it doesn't feel good anymore don't bother with it
This love was everything
Only nothing remains

Everything Repeating

The story is unfolding as it does every day. Pages written in silence.
We write and live and write again and again. You wanted me in
your bed. Is that dream or memory? My arm around your body.
A different Sunday many months ago driving a far distance. I went
to find something. I wasn't sure what it was or if it would even be
there. When I arrived I knew it was close. When I entered the temple
I silenced myself as best I could. I could hear the wind through the
windows. We listened and we sang. Is the answer so simple? My
mind flips back to a kiss goodbye. Unexpected but it was warm
and I could taste your sweetness. Surviving through everything that
has yet to kill us. There are choices to make. How soon are they?
Sooner than I would care for. Desert heat purifies righteous and
the unjust alike. The heat scorched land is impartial. Sweat and
tears alike evaporate. I held you as you cried. Your head resting
on my chest. So many things having fallen apart yet what more
is there that could have been done? The hour was late. The ice
had almost melted away in our glasses. These thoughts could
keep me awake all night if I let them. Everything repeating in
my mind. Over and over. How long is this lifetime? Long enough.
Too short. Never enough time for everything. Make a choice.

whisper

Outside my window the leaves wave to me
Asking me to come outside
to get closer
they have something to say
but can only whisper it in my ear
I get out of my chair
and walk to greet them
Closer they say
Closer
Then voices as old existence
speaking clearly
imploring
to listen and never repeat
their words
So I haven't

The Restless

Striving against the odds

Railing against reality

We band together in our expressive plight 

Staring out a van window as miles blur with time

Days pass unexamined

Yet there is a the sound of creation binding us to another

From our hands

From our throats

It comes soothing or raw

Clothes damp with sweat

Breath being caught again

Loud rooms of catharsis

Hope and despair amplified 

Ears deafened

In bed waiting for sleep

but the sound of tones

ringing out

will bring us to the darklands

Our faith punished 

and rewarded

All we ever wanted

Someone has noticed 

tears

Tears fall
like memories
disappearing
Don't cry
more
than you
have to
Our lives
are this
and
nothing
more
Letting go
Letting go
Let go

interbeing

What of this dreaming world
Is it ready to wake
Does it need more rest
///eyelids fluttering///
Subconsciousness
Consciousness

No tears to trail behind
Just memory
washed
away

voices voices

With whose voice do you speak?
The one I was given.
But is it truly mine?
Does it matter?
Are these mine own words?
I believe so.
I know.
This morning
This day
is yet beginning.
How many more thoughts
How many more words
are there to go?

We Are God

I am God
You are God
We have always been God
I never believed this
You never believed this
We do not need faith to know
that we are God incarnate
We do not need religion to
live our lives fully
We do not need to be immortal
or omniscient
we need simply to exist
to be present
in the present
to make the choices
for the paths we wish to seek
We are God
We always will be God
Remember your name
Remember our name
It is here on your tongue
Say a prayer
Answer it

The Lovers

How long were you asleep?
Did you see what you needed to see?
Was there nothing?
Was it all peace and darkness?

I dreamt of you in the darkness.
We were in bed beneathe the blankets
and your arm was draped
across my chest.
I listened to you breathe
and stroked your hair.
Time meant nothing.
We stayed there forever.

I won't cry when you go
because I'll have gone first
Empty space where it all was

Listen and Go

Rise with the sound of your beating heart
Move to the rhythm of the hope inside

If the day has come you know what to do
Take my advice my son and go where the wind calls you

Don't be afraid
Don't be scared
Go where the wind calls your name

Sunlight will illuminate the day
Moonlight will shine at the hour of the wolf

You weren't to be here forever
Go where the wind calls your name

We will always be here
Living on in heart and memory

The wind calls your name
Listen and go
The wind calls your name

Learning to see

I was sitting alone on the couch as I felt the drugs
begin to overtake my senses. The music on the stereo
began to overwhelm my ears. I closed my eyes and
listened. Beat by beat I began to drift off into the
world it was creating. My eyelids closed and I fell
inside myself. This world was alien but familiar
enough that I could recognize the contours of it at
the touch of my hands. I steadied my breathing to
center myself. Remember, I chose to come here.
I came here to see what I needed to see.

Color. I could touch color. The feel of purple was
so much smoother than touching black or dark blue.
Yellow and pink felt like the smoothest colors to
touch but blue and green felt the most comforting.

All the years of my youth and school came at me
suddenly into a blurred continuum. How quickly
I let the years pass me.

Love. Receiving it. Giving it. Learning that it
must be given freely. It can never be a forced
emotion. It must simply be.

Waves. What beach is this? When is this?
Looking from side to side I can find no end.
Just sand and waves stretching vast before me.
Walking does nothing to make the distance
lessen. The Sun seems fixed in it's brightness
overhead. I walk into the water and feel a sudden
cold that melts into a cool warmth. I make my toes
squeeze the sand. The wind picks up and begins
to muss my hair. I walk further in. The water now
comes up to my waist. I go farther. The water is
now at my neck. I let myself go under. I've never
swum in the ocean, I suddenly remember. I am
not scared. I am ok with this. I feel safe. I begin
to swim and plunge deeper into the water. Coral,
schools of fish, none pay me any attention. I'm no
longer breathing in air. How long has it been?
A minute? An hour? A year? I swim farther out.
a shipwreck comes into view. It feels ancient
but it cannot be more than a few decades old
by the looks of it. What does it matter?

A faint light seems to be coming from near the bow.
I swim closer and it only intensifies. It seems to be
coming from the bridge. Light fills the water. Warmth.
It feels warm. It feels as though it has been waiting
for me. Has it? There is a door into the bridge. I reach
for the doorknob. It is not stuck. It moves easily
beneath my fingers. I open the door and the light
explodes and overwhelms me. I close my eyes but it
doesn't matter. The light is there. Is my body dissolving
into the light? Warmth. Warmth. I relax. I begin to
submit. I inhale the ocean water but I can't taste the
salt. I look for my hands but I cannot see them.
I cannot see any part of my body. I have become
the light. I am no longer in the ship.

Millions of light years away I am fire incarnate.
Fixed in the heavens I send my light into the darkness.
I can feel a distant call.  A place that had once
been home. I am now home everywhere my light goes.
There are waves I can no longer see but I can still feel.

Can you hear me?
Close your eyes.
Close your eyes.

only time

i will give you the only gift i have
i will give you the only life i have

this is time
this is the only time
this is only time
this time

hold on
i will let go
hold on
i will let go

this time
this is the only time

let go

The Wolf Waiting by the Door

Wild and Free

I am wild and I am free
You see me and pity me for what I lack
I see you and pity you for what weighs you down
When you sleep I am awake hunting
I look in your window and see you sleeping peacefully
I live in darkness and uncertainty
I have been molded to be strong and lean
I survive on little
I have no chance to grow fat and apathetic
There are no possessions I can be offered
to make me change my mind
Any possession would be wasted on me
I am wild and I am free
When I sleep I roam even farther
All this world is my home
I have no fear of man nor woman
I am what you had once been
I am wild and I am free

Listening

The search for peace begins within
I hear the names of God
I hear the names of the Gods
chanted out before me
Their names float and hang in air
Bodies enraptured to the vibrations
cause by this fervent devotion
Can you hear me
Can you hear us
Your children
calling out to you
This home you have given us
These bodies we live in
Time passing through it all
I close my eyes
I am listening
The voice reveals itself
Strong as wind
Gentle leaves whispering

Make A Choice (freewrite 3/27/18)

Burning bright the lights are on the sun is out and I am here
waiting for the tide to come in waiting for the water to touch
my feet the cold shock of ocean standing on the sandy shore
this is the place we once stood where we once kissed but who
were we then and who are we now my hands moved on your
body and slipped under your dress that time is so long ago now
that we were different people and when I think of us it feels
as though our former selves are trapped in amber is that the
fate of all things honey fossilized yet so beautiful to behold
I miss the things I have never had yet they are not mine to
miss I must let go of everything this attachment can only
bring grief the longer I hold on this is our constant condition
to hold on and to suffer from fear and this fear must become
something else and it often does I do not want this I want
to leave my imperfections behind I want to be the better man
I have always believed myself to be but I have let bad habits
rule my mind and body the reckoning that must happen is
with myself as judge and jury I know I know the answer
is my will strong enough am I able to change and follow
through I gain nothing by pursuing this path except to wear
it further into the ground I must I must take the leap of faith
with myself I have known this and now I say this to me and
only me the water is flowing from the tap but it still drips
drops even after it has been turned off the accumulation
and the falling into the white porcelain sink there is love
I wish to have for myself yet I do not dare allow it in or
will I change my mind my body has one answer and my
heart has another I vacillate between the two and wonder
what I will actually do to do one is to tear up so many plants
from the soil needlessly if I were to do this I would have to
plant a new garden and it would be beautiful though different
from what came before I think about these things I think
about everything and this is my life this is my thoughts
spiraling from my fingers and staring back at me my mind
laid out in front of my eyes and asking me to confront
myself to make sense of this all and to make a choice

What is living
is what is dying
is what will be
reborn

Subject and object
one and another

Created in another's body
I am my own creature
Living in this body

Toogether with Myself

I woke up wandering beside myself
Together I walked side by side
Watching the heavens
Watching the ground
Watching everything turn around
Tell me sunlight
Tell me moonlight
Where is the love I seek
Where is the life I want
to live
to lead
Where does this all go?
Dirt covers my feet
but I keep walking
I don't mind at all
So I find our voice and
start singing in harmony
One becomes two
Two has always been one

Night and Morning 3/23/18 - 3/24/18

I saw the dawn in your eyes
And rose within you
Sweet morning dew
Taste of lips touching

Don't trust a word from me
My heart is a mercenary
and you're my next kill

Your soft kiss
Our soft kiss
Our lips saying
Hello
A pleasant
introduction

The nightmare became reality
as I held on to your hand
Your flesh withered
and your bones turned to dust
Standing here inconsolable
Wind blowing dust into me
All flesh is fleeting
All dreams are wind
All hope floating on air
All rain/tears falling from the sky

I want my body inside of you

The flies and the angels
feeding on the same bodies

Everything is dream and memory

Pouring rain washing the filth into the sewers
out into the ocean out into the vast expanse
between continents and men

Everything changes
Everything becomes something else
Everyone changes
Everyone becomes someone else

falling down endless stairs
bruising flesh and bone
steps upon steps upon steps

King of Light
Queen of Night
or is it the other way?

Listening to someone else's grief
Not knowing what to do
Listen listen listen
in the darkness of the room
in the light of morning
Listen listen listen
Grief coming in waves
Soaking your spirit to the marrow

You reach for the darkness and it touches your hand

Omnipotent God
Unable to save his son from sacrifice
Our sins forgiven
Couldn't he have done so anyway
Blood for sin
Innocence given to wind

I was reborn when I died
I was reborn when you left
I was reborn when my blood dripped on the dirt

A pool of blood
Life poured out
Light gleaming upon it

The Wolf

The wolf waits by the river
Watches her reflection in the water
See's her face and wonders

Starlight

Staring into starlight dotting the darkness
Cool grass cushioning my back
A point of light streaks across and disappears
I close my eyes and make a wish
Starlight watching me
Starlight holding me
Starlight
Starlight
watching over me

morning 3/22/18

Spring has arrived with grey showers
Blossoms waiting for the sun

Morning 3/21/18

Kindness and Love
is all we need to make
this world a better place
for everyone here

The Bleeding Sunrise

If enough was enough
I would have already had my fill
but I'm a greedy bear
bathing in flesh and blood
until nothing is left but for me to leave

The night is bleeding out into the sky

A Beautiful Neighborhood

The child inside of us is still there
Listening
Watching
Laughing
Crying
Learning
Hoping
Dreaming
Kindness overflows
from your beating heart
The child will always be there
gazing out into
such an incredible world

Morning 3/20/18

Waking from reality into the dream
Footsteps from one path to another
A dreamer caught in the dream


Crossing the white bridge into life

Places in Memory

Memory jogs through my mind
Stops in Mexico last year
and tells me to remember
being at my grandparents home
The home my mother was raised
The home my many aunts and uncles
played and grew and fought and
became the people I've grown to know
Memory shows me the feeling of wind
against my skin
the town bell ringing and
marking the hour
Watching the birds in the trees
listening to their voices
for as long as I wish
I am there again as I tell you this
I can feel the land bracing for rain
It will fall heavy yet it will be welcome
The earth itself is in my body
Home calling to me once more

Morning 3/19/18

The Simple Things

I want to wake in the morning after sleeping in
Eat a nice large breakfast
Share my life and bed with a wonderful woman
I want prosperity for all of my loved ones

Slow change to the dawn
I have seen the light
I bathe in it
I walk towards it's warmth

The sound of the universe
Resonates through our bodies
Flesh given life through vibrations
Give thanks for this
To live and breathe and feel
To witness creation
Incarnate
Incarnation
Now
Here

Morning 3/18/18

GLAZZ I'S

GLASS EYES


I die and live again
in another's chest
Beating and beating still
Pumping blood
Feeding flesh
Living from marrow


Take the love you are being given.

The Wolf & the Rose

Drinking Martinis in Paris

Gentle pluck of strings

Your arms embracing 

hollow wooden body

Cool drink warming 

Mischievous smile

Eyes flashing our 

small secret

Fingers fretting

Voice rising above

ice cubes and sips

Darling darling

Forever here

Pensando en Espanol

Lo que piensas
Lo que suenas
Todo
Esta aca
No te olvides
Recuerda siempre

Sia a sia
Dia a dia
Esto es tu vida

Regresa a la tierra de donde viene tu sangre
La sangre no olvida las raizes

Salvame y a te salvo tambien

Cuanda vas a buscar lo que estas buscando?

Hola Amor

Dias y noches sin tu
Sin pecados
Somos innocentes
Vivimos una mentira
Vivimos sin muerte

No hay sufficiente  palabras para decir to que se debe decir

Despierto y sonando

Vivienda sin miedo

Lo que quiero y lo que sueno

Quieres la libertad pero solo tu te lo puedes dar

Paso a paso

Fallen Rain

to wake
to see
to hear

fallen rain
moist earth
light filtering
through clouds

outside the window
branches and trembling leaves

birds flit from tree to tree
taking flight
traversing a vast grey sky

Advice for a Better Life

Go to bed at a decent hour.
Get a full nights rest.
Wake up decently early.
Leave with plenty of time
for work every day.
Eat more fruits and vegetables.
Drink less or just cut it out.
Exercise more.
Tell your loved ones
that you love them.
Read more.
Write more.
Continue the inward path.
Go to the beach more.
Make more music.
Make more art.
Keep constantly learning.
Face your fears.
Remember that the only
thing truly ours is
our own actions.
Be grateful.
Be kind.
Be kind.
Be kind.
Be kind.
Be kind.

Eternal Life

How beautiful
to see eternity stretch before us

Infant to child
to adolescent
to adult
to elderly
to the earth once more

We return home
and back to life
over and over

Many lives
Many guises

Eternal life
All of us
Here
Forever

Who asks / Who listens

I am asking you to listen but
who is the I doing the asking?

The I is only me speaking
to myself.

What is the sound of honesty?
What is the sound of clarity?
What is the sound of truth?
If you heard all three would
you know which is which?

I have heard the sound of honesty
and truth. Their voices are not
the most pleasant but they are
easy to hear and understand.

Acceptance has no sound,
it merely is.

seams

Everything fell apart and yet
the world still exists
Shining sun suspended in the heavens
Waves touching the shore
Babies smiling at their mothers and laughing
This world can be cruel and needlessly painful
But it passes
It always does
Tempered by life
We persist
despite how many seams
have ruptured

Poem

One
Word
Right
After
The
Other
Until
They
Fade
Into
Memory

For Lovers

Lovers of the world in mourning
Tears giving sustenance to hidden gardens
Weep and weep until
           there are no more tears and
                         when the time comes
We shall weep until we can weep no more                          

Morning 3/9/18

I am awake and I am seeking
I am awake and I am seeking
I am awake and I am seeking
I am awake and I am seeking
I am awake and I am seeking
I am awake and I am seeking
I am awake and I am seeking

If I hear the words
If I speak the words
If I write the words
I am present
I am present
I am present
I am open
I am open
I am open

Sunlight
Sunlight
Burning away
the darkness

Morning 3/8/18

She's so pretty
...neurotic
but so am I

Dawn calling you home to life
Wake up, Dear, wake up
The light shines through you

An image torn to pieces
scattered on the floor
a fragmented whole
bring it together again
reveal the image once more

Everything beautiful
resides within you
Do not deny your essence
It flows through your being
In your breathing I hear
the steady ocean wind

Life recedes into Memory
Memory recedes into Time

Habits of

Habits of comfort,
compulsion and fear
weigh you to the ground
Yet you embrace them further
as you hope to move forward
How can you walk
with your feet
stuck to the ground
you wish to leave
Invisible switches
flipping in unseen spaces
Understanding
taking the place of
what hinders us

The Clock

The clock was so tired
More so than usual
It couldn't remember the last time
it had any time for itself
Sitting there on the night stand
next to the bed could be boring
Actually it was boring
It would be slightly more
interesting when the people
would sleep or have sex
but that left so much more
time to just be alone in silence
It was one in the afternoon
The rays of light from the window
fell upon it and kept it warm
Things could always be worse
it thought It could have been
the bathroom mat

Rosefall

White roses raining down

Reaching to the ground

Holding one by the thorned stem

White petals turn to blue 

Sweet fragrance

Envelope me

The Five Remembrances of Buddhism

I am subject to aging. There is no way to avoid aging.

I am subject to ill health. There is no way to avoid illness.

I am going to die. There is no way to avoid death.

Everyone and everything that I love will change,
and I will be separated from them.

My actions are my only true belongings.
I cannot escape the consequences of my actions.
My actions are the ground upon which I stand.

Knowledge

Act in accordance of what you know to be right.
Follow this to create the most good for others and yourself.

Life is a continuous process of change
that we must allow ourselves to be part of.
To obstinately hold on to that which
is no longer meant to be ours
is to suffer anguish at our inability to keep it.

No matter how strong and youthful you may be now
you will age and your body will begin to prepare
itself for it's return to the elements. Illness and
aging are inescapable. No human, no matter their
poverty or wealth, no matter their moral or immoral
actions, is immune to the will of nature and time.

To purposely cloud our body and mind
is to fog the truth of understanding and actions
that we must take in our lives.
To move forward with purpose and energy
we must remove self-inflicted obstacles
to our betterment.
To move forward we must takes steps
every day. It does not matter if it is only
one step or thousands, it matters that
steps are taken.

We all suffer. This knowledge should lead to
greater harmony and compassion amongst all of us
but it does not. Our pain, anguish, sorrow,
and disappointments have been felt by others before.
Our pain is universal. We must strive not to end
suffering, but to lessen it, to learn from it,
to use it to grow closer to one another
in a deeper understanding of each other
and of our true nature as humans.

Love alone will not solve all the ills of this world
but it is our strongest tool in our struggle. We must use
it unsparingly and spread it to every beating heart
of our world.

You are deeply loved.

"You promised me a piece of the sky
when all I wanted was you."

pulling daylight together

I woke up dreaming and found myself seeing you
Dreaming and dreaming still
This day of grey and rain pouring on us
Cold heaven
Missing the warmth of your arms
A foolish fool for loving but unable to resist
Tie my heart and reason together
Holding on to any part of you I can
Grasping memory in my hands

Rain Down

Heaven rains down as it falls apart
I run outside to catch pieces of it in my hands
Surrounded by it I can only marvel
at what I find and hold
I look and see everyone standing outside
with outstretched hands
waiting for a touch of grace

Sleeping Gods

Even the Gods must sleep
and when they do
of what do they dream
Dreamless thoughts
as they breathe through
the infinite and eternal

Her Grief

Wake
Wake
She says
but He cannot
hear her
Wake
Wake
She says
but He cannot
hear her
Learning grief
Nothing prepares you
Her tears upon his face
The chill of Winter
decends

Morning 2/27/18

Change yourself to please yourself

Full Dawn

Awaken
Awaken
Sleep has held you long enough
Light has burst through the darkness
Life is calling to you once more
Answer the call
Answer the call

From darkness all life must emerge
The seed taken root seeking light
as it reaches out from the ground

Heaven in your eyes
Ecstasy between your legs

Mantra

You are the water
You are the dust
You are the heavens

I am the water
I am the dust
I am the heavens

I am the water
You are the water
I am the dust
You are the dust
I am the heavens
You are the heavens

You are the water
You are the dust
You are the heavens

Morning 2/26/18

I wake and live and eat and sleep and 

wake and live and eat and sleep and 

live and eat and sleep and eat and 

sleep and I wake and live and 

eat and sleep and wake and

live and eat and sleep and

live and eat and sleep 

You must move forward

End the cycle 

Morning 2/25/18

These hours of waking

I wonder what it true and

what is yet to be

If there is unease in your heart
Take time to still yourself
Give yourself silence
Close your eyes and listen inward
Breath slowly and gently
Feel the strength of life
beating within you
Listen to the wind
You are here now
You are now here

The words are life
The words are my life

We must cross the bridge to the moon
I will see you there when our feet have touched
the place beyond this world

The life I desire would have no need for money

Life is a steady path of awakening.

I and We

How far we have traveled to be here today
How many years we have lived to have this knowledge
How deeply we love with the full pain and experience of life
I have failed and I have succeeded
I am the embodiment of strength and weakness
This life has broken me and rebuilt me
I am responsible for acts of my own will
I am here because of love
I am here to love
I am here to grow and nurture
I am a child of this Earth
I am an adult of this time
I wish to surpass what I believe is possible
I wish to surpass what I expect of myself
I am traveling further and further in my inner-landscape
I am listening to the voices of the Gods for they are all around
I am to remain humble in the face of nature and death
I am here only a short while and for that I must live wholly
We are together now and forever
We are all sisters and brothers
We must look beyond the trivial skin we use to separate
We are all of one beating heart
We are all of one blood
coursing through veins and arteries

Morning 2/24/18

Everything beautiful is true
and life is waiting for you 
to take the steps on the path
waiting for you my dear 

God of Fire

The nightmare begins in the darkness
of starry skies. Simple pleasures of
people milling about the city park,
surrounded by shops and expectations
of uninterrupted normalcy. Bright light
streaks across the sky and blazing,
crashes into the nearby distance with
a shudder that shakes the earth. At once
terror overtakes as fire bellows and
engulfs the land, spreading like a ravenous
cancer. People screaming in horror, pain
and agony. Pleas to God go unheard and
unanswered. We are running, running
as fast as possible to anywhere as far
as possible. Yet it follows. Flame spreads
faster than seems possible. Flame stalks
us like a predator in the wild. Hours pass
and night does not abate. Running place
to place, finding no quarter, feeling as
though all is lost as the world is birthed
into an incarnation of eternal flame.
What will sate this new God of Fire?
How much flesh does he demand?
How much sacrifice? Can he be sated?
Exhausted, at last, I wake to shining
Sun, wondering when this judgment
will come.

Freewrite 2/22/18

This process repeating itself over and over

and we sit and wonder and wonder and sit

about it all again and again I heard her voice

from my memory It had been so long I miss

her face I miss her presence in the midst of

this darkness I started to write but I would 

stop because the words began to freeze as

they would reach my hands though my 

thoughts continues to race out as best they

could Well did any of us expect anything 

different than what's occurred Standing at

the dawn of the new day with a feeling of 

mixed comfort and ill ease What lies ahead

is what remains and what remains will lie

ahead in wait The Gods wait for us to call

on them by name Incantation to give them

life What I believe and what I do are not 

always in agreement How often do we 

agree with ourselves Is it too late When 

did you last ask yourself that question

Are you alive If you are then it is not too

late And when it is too late it will then 

be time for us to leave this forma and 

become a new incarnation of consciousness

Slate

Clutter chokes the space of my desk
My hands have just enough room to write
Accumulation of relics from passing days
Books and records and knick knacks
sprawled across my desk top
My mind is just as cluttered though
you would be hard pressed to see inside
Does clutter need to have meaning
Is clutter a symptom of a well lived life
Can all of this be released
Can I let go of what has accumulated
Am I strong enough to clear the slate

Growth / Maturity

That feeling of love
that has grown
The maturity to desire
another's happiness
over your own
Loving in this way
does not diminish
what has been felt
only grows it into
something deeper
and more beautiful

harmony

I dreamt of harmony
and when I woke
I could hear them
in my mind as my
eyelids began to
flicker awake
I saw them as lines
moving through the
air in beautiful swoops
dives and ascension
moving in tandem
filling my mind with
their beautiful sound

Winter Day

Cold wind through grey skies

Rainfall turned to bitter hail

Stillness in the evening

Eye of the Moon

watching over us all

Calling and Memory

Calling out to you
Singing your name in the morning air
Your memory keeps me company
All these lonely years are nothing
more than solitude

A beautiful memento to hold
A piece of myself
to view on the pages
of this notebook
To have and to hold
at your leisure

The Mountain

You can't fix your life in just one day
or even a week or month. Life doesn't
work this way. If you want to deal with
your drinking then do so. If you want to
make more money then find another job.
If you want to lose weight then create a
plan for eating better and moving your
body. If you're worried about your health
then go to the doctor. If you're worried
about your teeth then go to the dentist.
If you're scared then go ahead and be
scared but know you will not grow and
change anything unless you start dealing
with these fears one by one. If you're
worried that you will fail then start and
fail and then keep trying, keep learning
so that you will not fail. Your life belongs
to no one but you. No one will force you
to do anything except for you. You are
your own accountability. Your life is
your life. Always remember that. Live
how you have always wished but do so
small piece by small piece. Then, one
day, you will see how the mountain
was moved one handful of dirt at a time.

The Working Poor

When you're the working poor
you live paycheck to paycheck.
Your life is tied to the cycle of
bills you pay in order to live.
There might be a little bit of
money left afterwards but be
assured it'll never be much.
It'll never be enough to save
substantially. You blow off
your students loans because
fuck it, that's why. It's hard
to try and build a future when
all you can see is the never
ending cycle of bills in front
of you. So what do you do?
You drink, you try not to go
out too much, maybe you'll
see a movie every now and
then. If you have family that
live out of state or country
it'll be a herculean effort just
to try and see then once a year.
You live like this because
you feel like there is no choice.
This is your life and your
are trapped within it. You see
people living in homes worth
millions right by your job
and you wonder how they can
afford to live there and what
they must do. You grow to
believe yourself deficient in
some way, perhaps you start
to think you aren't a good
person, perhaps you aren't
working hard enough. You
have health insurance and
dental but you almost never go
because you can't afford the
cost of a visit, so you let your
health go, you let your teeth
be neglected. Tied to this wheel
you dream about breaking it.
You dream of what you would
do with yourself if only you had
the money and the time. You
would help your parents out
and any friends that need it.
You could afford a decent
apartment or perhaps a modest
two bedroom house. The reality
of your life dictates that these
will remain dreams and the longer
these remain dreams the older
you grown as your roots try
to grow in the salted fields.

The Watch

From a distance I watch
the people coming and going.
Hours pass with the human tide.
Solitary in this crowd
though I wonder if
anyone has
seen me.

The Escape

Hanna walked into my office unexpectedly
and said "We have to go. Now." Dumbfounded
at seeing her at my job, I just stared at her. Before
I could say anything she grabbed me by the arm
and started pulling me outside. My boss just watched
as we left. We raced to her car and strapped in.
"What's wrong? What's the matter?", I said.
"Just trust me on this one. Please." "Ok" I said.
She drove us as fast she could through the rush of
midday traffic. The streets and freeways were as
busy as ever. We'd listen to music every now
and then, or we'd just listen to the wind blowing
past the windows. As the city fell behind us she
began to relax just a little. But whatever it was,
I could feel we weren't quite in the clear yet.
We quickly pulled over to refuel at a gas station
where she filled up the tank as well as a few extra
cans of gas that she had in the trunk of the car.
We continued relentlessly onward, further and
further east, towards the desert. Eventually, the
Sun began to fall towards the horizon. We passed
a few of the desert cities and a couple of towns
until we largely became one of the only sounds.
Finally, after hours of driving, she pulled over
to a dirt road off the highway for another half
a mile. There was house there. A little worn
but it looked fine. When she parked in front
she finally let go of a massive sigh. "We're
good for now. We're safe as we're going to
be." I didn't even want to know at this point.
"It's gonna be for the best we try to not watch
the news for at least a few days. I think it's
about to get real ugly, real quick." I just nodded.
The sky was the kind of pastel pink that was
bleeding all across the canvas landscape.
Whatever danger was there was lurking some
place far away. It was silent. Only a slight
breeze touching the dry brush. We walked
inside and closed the door.

Wednesday, February 14th 2018

Love is an expression of the divine. 

Morning 2/13/18

Only you can give yourself your freedom.

Witness to creation.

The innergaze looks longingly
Learning
Breathing
Forgiveness
Learning
Breathing

This habit has become boring
and predictable.
The pleasure of it is now
lacking.
So what now?
To stop. To cease.
Because it has
exhausted itself
at last.

You don't need to do this to yourself.
You understand this now.

Imperfect Student

I am learning still
and in my learning
I fail and forget lessons
that I have been taught
I must always reach
for humility and under
standing at these times
I acknowledge my
failures so that I may
grow and move
past them
I am growing
I am learning
I am imperfect
I am learning
I am becoming
whole piece by
piece day by day

Pendulum at Rest

I watch the pendulum arch back and forth
Steady in it's motion as it moves 
between two extremes

It begins to slow and comes
to rest in the middle

The lesson is here

Past Lives and Current Incarnations

What are we becoming?
That which we have always been.

Incarnation of Now

How many lives have I lived and forgotten?
How many times have I gazed into the mirror
through different colored eyes?
If I could remember everything I have lived
how different would I be?
These lives, these bodies
that have held me
are all resting in our home
as I move about this world once more.
How many times has death taken me
in youth and in age and infirmity?
I do not have those memories
but I keep living
tied to the wheel of existence.
I am learning
and I will keep learning still.
Seeking ultimate freedom-
how many more lives
yet remain.

Morning 2/11/18

The more I learn the more I become unsure
of my thoughts and opinions. Education
should always function in this way. For us
to grow we must learn the limits of what we
know. From those limits we can push forward
and expand what we do. This cycle repeats
itself endlessly in all lives. There is no point
in any life where it is even close to possible
to know and understand everything. That is
an illusion.

Realize we are all searching.

What we are searching for is what defines us.

Morning 2/10/18

The grand illusion of life is that we live
in a feigned immortality.
We largely act in a way that oftentimes
neglects the very idea of our mortality.
When this is disrupted we are placed
into a panic at the reminder of our
very impermanence.

Al Gore Rhythm

Repetition
Cycles of time
History as a wheel
Everything come back
Everything a pattern
of a larger unseen whole

Oh how i dreamed
and i dreamed
until i woke
yet i could not forget
the visions before me
haunting me
in the waking world

An Invitation to Violence

I had watching him for some time around town.
He had the calm collected countenance of a
person who was always in and on the know
of all the best happenings. He traveled in all
the creative circles but would slum it with
musicians every now and then. I'll be honest,
he's not the kind of person I would ever have
an normal interest in. But if someone fucks
with one of your close friends then taking
an interest in someone like him is no longer
so strange. Especially after what he had done.
I had seen him at a few of her shows and he
never lingered too long, just long enough for
her to know he was there and make her
uncomfortable. I maintained my distance at
all these gigs but I always had to make sure
to not let my emotions get the best of me.
Who was he? He was an art world taste
maker who believed himself to be above
reproach. He curated galleries in LA, NYC,
and some overseas. If you were in art then
you had to know who he was. Power. Abuse.
Drugs. Coercion. Entitlement. What a piece
of shit human being. I won't tell you exactly
what happened but it was enough for me
to begin to slowly take action. Creating a
web one thread at a time. Our desire for
retribution when there is no recourse for
judicial action is strong. It is like an ancient
need for primal justice against those we
love who had been wronged. I had no desire
to take life, only to inspire fear and terror.
To maim him, to let him know that there
are those who don't care who he is, that
not all of us are cowed by the fleeting whims
of popularity and influence. That all these
things are hollow when your life is in the
hands of someone willing to end you if
it came down to it. I want him to know
there are those of us willing to act on an
invitation to violence.

The Dreamer

This story begins where everything ends.
Everything ends because given enough time
that is what happens to everything. All life,
all things in the material world are destined
to destruction if you look far enough down
the timeline. Which end are we speaking
about? Could it be the end of one human
lifetime? Could it be at the end of all human
life and civilization? It can be all these things.
I was the last human on this Earth. Do you
believe me? If you're reading this you might
be wondering how this was possible. If you're
reading this then I suppose I was wrong.
That is unless you are something beyond
human that can comprehend the words of a
feverish and dying man. It came to be that
after civilization ground to a halt and all the
wars and devastation were done that were
few and fewer of us here. At the end I had
not seen proof of another human in 7 years.
Somehow I persisted in this dead and solitary
world. I was weary. I was tired. I had been
suicidal. Living, being what it is, is a hard
habit to break. So I lived. I lived and searched
to the fullest extent I could. I roamed and
searched and searched and searched. The
years began to stretch behind me like a dead
tail I kept dragging around. The ghosts of
everyone haunted me in my sleep and in
the shadows of day. I grew to question my
very existence but even that was not enough
to end it. Why would it? Instinct and hope
kept pushing me further and further. Yet,
here I am. Believing myself to be the last
of us. As far as I know, I am. Generations
upon generations of cumulative success and
failure in the hands of a dying man. How
much more can I say? What more can I say?
It is not possible to sum up all my thoughts
on what I have lived and suffered, nor
enough time or space to give any eulogy
or write an epitaph for all of us. When we
fall asleep we dream. Now I must sleep.
And in this sleep I will roam forever. I am
going home. I am going home to see you
all again.

Is There Heaven

Early morning
8am
Creeping warmth
of the Sun
The town bell
strikes the hour
Children are walking
to school
An old man
rides a bicycle
to meet his niece
for breakfast
I get out of my
hammock
My feet touch tile
as I open windows
and doors
letting in air
and light
I walk past
the kitchen
into the yard
and sit at
the table
Chirping
and flitting
Wind amplifies
the leaves
I book I left
sitting there
I open it
Begin to read
Lost in this
heaven
Home
Quiet
In the place
where nothing
and everything
resides

Morning 2/7/18

All they need to do is divide us
in order to keep us
from creating the progress
that we are in dire need of

Are we bothering to listen
to each other
or are we content
to merely talk at
one another

Morning 2/6/18

Put your head on the pillow
Don't worry about the world
Tomorrow will be here soon
and so will you
Everything will be everything

Sentinel

How many years has it been
since my birth
that I have stood watch here?
Alone on the cliff
overlooking the bay
I watch the waters
come and go
as the wind touches
my extremities.
Sometimes I sigh
when the loneliness
becomes too much
but this rarely occurs.
I am mostly content here
to watch. From time
to time people
keep me company
and will rest
beneathe my shade
and share my view.
We are together in peace.
Sometimes lovers
will come to me
late at night
as the stars glimmer
in the dark heavens
above us. I'll look away
as I feel their warmth
at my roots. This is
my life and it goes
on and on, for how
many years I cannot say.
I am content to be here
and man this watch.
With every passing year
I feel my roots dig
deeper and grow
stronger. I am a child
of the earth and
am pleased to be at home.

Departure

I listened when you said it was time for us to go.
The years and the miles grow and grow
yet we are no closer to the dream.
Could it be that you were wrong?
Could it be that I do not see what you see?
It is possible.  Does this mean
we have failed or should we
redefine the goal? Is there a goal?
There was. Once. We have long since
left familiarity. Only each other.
That is all we have.
We are all we have.

The Painter

Her arm extended out to the canvas
Bristles dipped in paint
began to create life
A slow parade of color unfolding
Silent in her work
Yet mindful of her space
Sunlight catching dust
at moments so small
as to be imperceptible
A smile ever so light
moving across her lips
Colors patiently waiting
on the palette
Her heart growing and
beating all at once

Purple Flower Bloom

purple flower blooming
on bruised skin
painful to the touch
hazy edges
blending into flesh
it hurts though
the pain lessens
with time
it lingers on
until it begins
to slowly fade
and then one day
it has gone
but it's memory
remains when you
look on the place
where your flesh
had once been
tender and bruised

Espejo

Wear the same face you've always had
but when you look in the mirror
what is different?

Is this the same face from childhood?
Is this the same face you wore at age 8?
Is this the same face you wore at age 18?

Has your hair grown longer?
Does gray streak your hair in uneven amounts?
Have you grown a beard?

We are familiar strangers to ourselves

Dreaming Into Reality

Dreaming of morning
you soon awake

Waking and living
through the day

you day dream
and wonder of all

the possible paths
yet untaken

Concentrate on now
Create the life

you have longed for

Gauzy

I dreamt I heard you speak.
The words were separated
as they left your mouth.
I watched them as tufts
of gauzy letters
                         floating
away from you.
You didn't notice or
you didn't mind.
I listened and watched
and marveled
                      at you
and your beautiful

words.

Invoke / Exalt

Drone and chant
Drone and chant
Words from our lips
become a steady stream
Words from our lips
become a steady stream
Drone and chant
Drone and chant
Our hands moving
together in time
Our hands moving
together in time
Calling out their names
Calling out their names
Invoke the Gods
by their many names
Invoke the Gods
by their many names
Drone and chant
Drone and chant
Find the voice
of the universe
within yourself
Find the voice
of the universe
within yourself

Art

If you make Art
do not wait
for the World
to accept it
or accept you

If you make Art
then make your Art
as often as you can
Let nothing deter you
in this pursuit

If you make Art
then you will know
what it means
to struggle in search
of what others
deem to be foolish

If you make Art
then you will grow
your heart and spirit
in ways others
can only imagine

If you make Art
you are always
reaching for connection
and you will find it
and others will find you

If you make Art
then you will live on
in brief immortality
until all memory of us
is erased

If you make Art
press forward
relentlessly
until at last
only Death itself
can put your
hands to rest

where is the future

it is no place we can go

always here and now

The Word

There was the Word
and the Word was Life.

Life sprang from Nothingness
and soon the Nothingness

was filled with Everything
and Everything covered All

And soon the years passed
and more and more Nothingness

was filled and eventually
the people that grew to live

in the Nothingness that was
now filled by Everything

filled the world even more
with younger and younger

generations of themselves
all across their home

And so it generation after
generation until Everything

fell away and all that was
left once more was the Word

Traverse

Together but apart but
Together but apart but
Together is what matters

Love can exist and change
and change with us

Thinking of us
Thinking of how I was
A foolish young man
in love with you
and who still is

My love has changed
but it is love none the less

I see you now as you are
Daughter Mother Wife
Your smile is still the same
Your heart is still pure

I still love you
I always will

The tides have come in
and my heart has grown
and still it grows

Morning 1/27/18

Morning at last!
I see you and
you are happy.
For that I am
grateful.
To see you once
more and know
your life has
flowered
is a gift
I am
grateful for.

Your love will change.
You will change.
Your love will change
Because you have changed.

You have learned to love and let go.
You have learned to be happy
when those you love are happy.
You have learned that the heart
cannot have all it desires.
You have learned to embrace
the love that is there and
the warmth that it can bring.
You have learned to
grow your heart.

The only forgiveness you need
is from yourself
if you can manage it.

Daybreak

At last
Dawn has come.

What is there
To be done today?

Living
Breathing

Living
Breathing

Ceaseless
Movement

Student

I asked myself
what is it I must learn
from this life

Kindness
Honesty
Forgiveness
Freedom from
that which
obscures
the soul

There is more
There is always more

Lessons presented to me
Perpetual student

Readying myself
before the next life

Morning 1/24/18

I pray though I don't know if it works.
Does it matter to whom I pray?
God, Krishna, Allah, the Old Gods,
if my prayers reach any one
that is enough.
The silence in my heart
listening to these intentions.

Blessings of the Witch

Remove the fog from my heart
And embrace the contemplative spirit
growing within
Breathe in
Exhale
Feel the very force of life
within you

Strange

I wake with my heart pounding in nervousness.
I start to focus my breathing.
Breathing in.
Breathing out.
Here.
Now.
It begins to slow.
How many mornings
have started in this way?
Enough. This morning is here.
Soft blue sky has emerged from the darkness.

What are the birds saying today?
I do not care to ask but I can hear
them in the trees.

Sitting here with my thoughts and memories,
over thinking choices I've made and have
yet to make.

Human creatures.
Such strange things we are.

I'm sure God is equally strange.

And Love

I would say she has the voice of an angel
but that wouldn't be accurate.
Her voice isn't beautiful in a way
that's conventional
but that doesn't matter to me.
Why should it?
It's her thoughts and the words
she uses that I love.
And I love her.
And she loves me.
I am imperfect in so many ways
yet she loves me
and she loves me
and I love her.

Morning 1/22/18

Did you sleep well?
Do you remember your dreams?
Beautiful, unseen things
beneathe your eyes
in the haze of sleep

And now?
Here?
Yes.
What now?

Did I fall asleep into this dream?
How can I understand
my own consciousness?

Morning 1/21/18

Our dreams could be much more
than we have believed.
Imagine
if dreams are not merely streams
flowing from unconscious minds
but are in fact
brief windows into other layers
of hidden reality

And I hear the silence
ringing through my ears
And I can't stand it
So I speak
to hear my own voice
speaking to no one at all

A slave to your own pain.

Where the road ends
The path continues
Where the path ends
Keep walking

Morning 1/20/18

The Palm Trees Are Singing Like The Ocean.

Take off your clothes
Take off your mask
I'll do the same

And the past becomes new again
Living in the present
Unable to forget
What has come before

On Friday 1/19/18

Forgotten Crosses

Will the flames consume us whole?

What is liberation?
What is freedom?
Are we striving towards
the ultimate in both?
Transcend body.
How? What path?

We are living in a time of lies and fear.

Doors opening and closing
We pass through and back
Yet what distances do we cross
I am here
I am here

Living with myself
Trying to be good
Trying to not fall into my own traps
Trying to not fall into despair
Reaching out
This world
Home and hell