Bad Business

Night crept into my blood
Overwhelmed me
Woke up wondering
where my memories
had gone

Experience

Is there a joy greater than watching children
of your own blood laughing and playing
in the early years of their lives?

Unencumbered joy. Happiness untainted
by any worldly concern.

Sometimes I wish I were these children.
Wishing I were freed of the burden of being,
the burden of knowledge.

These children will cease to be children one
day and I will mourn the passing of their
innocence into that of worldly knowledge.

I did not know, did not understand when
my change into experience occurred.
Am I still the child I feel in ancient memory?

At times, I do not feel the weight of my
years and experience. At other times
it weighs me to the sea-floor.

This late summer day overwhelms us
with it's heaving embrace.

It is good to be alive and feel this warmth.
The sweat of life. The passion.

Hold me tonight.

Final Scarcity

My old memories will be of little use to you in your search for water.
Even now, after all these years, it's still hard for me to fathom how far
we have fallen in my life. Water was so plentiful as to be absurd. You
could open a faucet in your home and it would pour right out, as if that
is how things had always been in human history. We would buy plastic
bottles filled with water, we'd fill portable containers with it, we would
bathe in it any time we felt the urge to be clean. It was always there
until it wasn't. Everything fell into chaos once supplies became scarce.
There was so much suffering and death. To die of thirst is the most
excruciating sort of death. Men, women, children, all condemned to die
due to lack of a basic need. The rich and powerful gloated for some
time until their stores began to run dry. In the end, their wealth and
power were nothing without water. It was then that what little remained
of civilization collapsed. Now, water is life. Water is more valuable
than diamonds, gold, or oil, ever were. This world is bathed in thirst.
Some say our world is dying. I say that it is not. We are dying. The
world will be fine once it has rid itself of us. Perhaps that has been the
plan all along. Soon there will be none like me left who remember
the old world and the hubris of our decadence. Only those born in this
time of endless thirst will remain, and the old world will be reduced
to stories and fairy tales that will scarcely be believed. What ever did
we do to deserve such a fleeting paradise? Even my memory has begun
to fail me. I wonder at times how much of the past was ever real.
All of it, I think. Then doubt is cast. We could never have been so
foolish. Yet, foolishness is always in overabundance. I grow tired.
I want to close these old eyes and dream of water flowing over my
body without any thought of it ever eliding into scarcity.

The Knock

Cool morning warming by the minute

Sun gathering it's strength

Cars leaving driveways

and gathering on clogged freeways

A pot of coffee brewing in the kitchen

Don't leave here

Don't leave home

Stay here

Stay safe 

from an uncertain world

Can we do this indefinitely?

The world will come

knocking

August

Blazing days of summer's fury
Nights covered in sweat
even under the gaze
of an oscillating fan

Did the child once known as Octavian
ever think of adopting a new name
Could he have ever guessed
at the events that gave rise
to the first among equals
as he was fond of saying

Many centuries and empires later
and his name is still spoken
Remembered in the glorious days
of warmth before the gradual chill
of fall resumes it's touch on our skin

The world changes 

with or without us

Do we swim

with the current

or do we fight it

Solving for X

Living in the known world
there is much left to discover
that no one talks about
because it is assumed
we have removed the
quantity of X that needs
to be solved for

Think of the world
from the perspective
of a child and you can see
that there is still much left
unknown

Watching the waves
from the sand
I can only imagine
what awaits mere feet
from where I stand

The Fear

There was fear in all our hearts when the lights went out
Darkness fell and stayed with us for days weeks months
that we no longer knew if light would ever return to us
We adjusted to the absence of light as best we could
Many nights or at least I assumed were nights were rest
less I could only sleep in fits and bursts Uninterrupted
rest was something that felt as much a fading memory
as the Sun at high noon Heat too became rarer with the
passing of time Every day felt colder When the rains
began to fall it felt as though chilled liquid glass were
pelting the world What had we done to deserve a cold
world without light We became sicker more often and
crops began to wither and die Our people began to die
in greater numbers and we were no closer to knowing
the cause of this profound absence One day while in
the brief arms of rest I was startled awake by a young
boy who began running through the camp yelling for
everyone to look up Heads began to turn upward to
the towering darkness that had been lording over us
In the distant horizon light began to emerge piercing
through this night It grew more and more powerful
until at last the sky was filled by nothing but light

mind the gap

Nothing is wrong
Everything is fine
The sun is shining
The waves are crashing
The birds flit between branches
their songs filling the air
Yet I sit here alone
separated from you
with a continent
between us

You Get Used

To The Pain

Of Being

Disappointed

Bored beneathe the bough of summer
Breathing in time
to a rhythm older than life
Clarity arrives without notice
Call it understanding
Call it whatever you wish
but it has arrived
and it will always
be there
like an ancient
rhythm

First Day of Summer

A beer and a whiskey
followed by a bummed cigarette
Slow pulls off all of them
Voices from the television
as the game goes into the last inning
and the batter is at a full count
Hoping the other team
won't make it's comeback complete
Ball connects to bat
and is driven deep to right field
A glove catches it
and the game is over
Dave and Moni are dating now
Couldn't be happier for them
Another beer
Another whiskey
My life coming back to me
Memories flooding
overwhelming me
I put out the cigarette
in an empty cup
A new cold bottle
reaches my lips
Old familiar places
I've been trying to leave
Here I am again
Keeping the world at bay
Trying to keep going
long enough to change things
waiting for sunrise
on the first day of summer

Aging by the day
Summer has come
yet Autumn's chill
lurks in the shadows

in repose
between days
words are muted
silence
is the order

Eden

How long
Was I in Eden
Before
Everything changed

Impossible

The impossible
happens
over and over
yet why is it
so hard for us
to believe
in defying
the odds

End of February

between morning
and moonrises
we breathe
live and dream
i hear your
breathing

we're all doing our best
to hold on
to these days
to our memories
to our fleeting youth
to this life
moving faster
and faster
with each
passing moment

Awake and yet
what more is there to want
Simple joy
Another chance
at freedom

I cannot stop so I will not I will continue
as long as I can as long as I can last but
what about now the now the here and when
This place I am at The places I wish to go
Don't connect the dots Leave them scattered
on the page let them be the stars upon the desk

another day given
another chance
at hope
another chance
at change

How many mornings
must we live
until we find
the breathe of Winter
departed?

Winter Sleep

Don't forget to
turn on the space heater
it gets cold these nights
Close the door
to keep the heat in
Get in bed
and snuggle up
beneathe the covers
Nuzzle my chest
Fall asleep

Sangre y Tierra

Laying in a hammock at night

listening to the stillness of evening

in a rural Mexican town

Heat of day fading

Grandparents asleep

Aunts Uncles Cousins gone home

for the evening

Alone in the room where 

they slept and played as children

A light to keep the darkness at bay

Leonard Cohen singing in my ears

as he picks at his guitar

My life waiting for me at home

Yet this life here 

separate 

and necessary 

to my survival

to find a way forward 

by looking backwards

to where two lives met

and gave life to mine

Pressed

Faded rose

Dried

and pressed

into the pages

of a book

Dead

yet living 

in remains

and memory

Free Write 1/25/19

In this space we begin again and again There is no choice
but to begin over and over As many times as this life demands
We choose to go along or we resist and remain where we are
I found you sleeping beneathe the tree in your backyard You
asked my why I had let you sleep so long and all I could say
was you looked so peaceful and beautiful I left the city today
because there was nothing left for me The beach is never lonely
It has itself for company We are drawn to water so easily We
find ourselves by water as often as we can

Time is unrooted and now there is nothing holding it all together
I could have sworn today was next week but it isn't at all

winter morning touching my skin
the warm spot in the bed where you were
feet shuffling in the house
you are not far

Staring into the bay from the tree
at the edge of the cliff
the water laps the beach far below
Undulating waves
A mind I am seeking to empty
How many years remain
How much will be done
How much will be left unfinished

Snore

Wake up
I can hear you snoring
Honestly
I don't mind
Sorry I woke you up
Love you

Could we be
the messiahs we need
in our lives
Could this be
the love
we've been missing?

All this flesh
So much meat and bone
blood and sinew
the only place
solely our home

We must have hope
We must believe in our capacity to change

Children of Winter

Begin anew
Dawn has come
The Sun shining brightly
Birds flitting between branches
Chirps filling the air in the slight chill
Do you feel yourself ready
to begin again in good
faith that indeed we
can change we
can take hold
of the reins
once more