Fallow

I don't need to get drunk but
I do want a drink.

I'm alone and thinking about
what you said to me.

You were you and joked
about it as best you could.

We laughed nervously
as though giving permission

to be ourselves in that moment.
I don't need to spell out

the explicit moment to anyone.
We know and that is enough.

I feel as though I am mourning
with you. I think about

how I loved you and
how I love you still.

I can't help but feel heartache
in a place I rarely let be wounded.

It is
and now all I can do

is this. Alone-
thinking of you

in the darkness of midnight
with a drink,

trying to numb that ache.
I can't, I can't, I can't

know the contents of your heart
but I feel an invisible ache

like a seed that never took,
like a land left fallow.