Infatuation and Love

Memories of the first woman I was ever infatuated with
leaves me feeling embarrassed at the thing.
We were barely teenagers
And I can't explain it aside from
My mind and body changing so wildly
And attempting to reorient itself.
She was a sweet girl to have put up with
My adolescent yearnings.
I hope she is well today.

Infatuation is a creature that rears itself
Into our consciousness at the oddest of times
And can disappear with the same speed
With which it appeared.

I remember the first woman I ever loved.
It began as sudden attraction.
At this point I was almost on the cusp
Of age 20 or so.
I can remember the soft warm features of
Her face and the way her smile seemed to be
A source of light unto itself.
Her eyes were joyous with a gleam of mischief.

Timing was never right
Between us but we were friends and
I felt a closeness to her that I have yet
To find matched or replicated.
It is unfair of me to compare
One love to another.
No love deserves that.
It is better to honor and remember
That which was.

Time passed and we had our own partners
In seemingly alternating succession.
The day came that she had to leave
And traverse an ocean to be with the man
She chose to marry.
The last night we had together
We watched the lights of the harbor
From a darkened room.

What can I say of the words exchanged?
Nothing much except
We love each other still
Though our lives have charted
Differing waters.

I feel as though I have learned much
But am still a student humbly
Learning from life.

There is no end to this.
I am thinking of love
And I wish for you to know
That it lives inside you
Even at the point
When everything has broken.