In Search of Divinity

How can I allow myself to be present

in my own life? I spent too much time

being a ghost to myself, disallowing 

my thoughts to peer beyond the surface

of the water. Being in this place, this 

place that has made me listen to the 

inner voice. It can speak softly, or 

admonish loudly. The depth to which

I understand has grown, yet, it leaves

me so much more aware of how much

I do not know. I strive for self-knowledge.

It cannot be given. It must be taken

through experience. Only then is it

of true worth. I cannot let myself 

live purely in the mind. I must allow

myself to connect and grasp the 

material world in my hands, to feel

the heat, to feel the frost, to know

the extremes we are all subject to.

To live fully is to die actively. 

How much of you remains from 

the infant your mother knew?

In body the change has been startling.

In mind, is it more so? 

I know we must undergo the process

of the chrysalis, over and over.

It has always been so. How much

have you fought this in your time?

How much have you embraced it?

We bear the scars of change and

carry them with us eternally.

Do you know just how much love

has been given to you? How much

of this love have you given to others?

All of it, all of it, all of it, this

should be the answer. I must give

myself fully, to those I love,

to all my sisters and brothers.

One. Wholly one. Holy one.

We cannot be part of this world

if we do not allow ourselves to escape from it.

Beacon

To exist beyond this body

and this life

is a certainty.

How can this be so?

You ask.

Can you not feel

the truth of it

in your dreams?

Can you not see

the truth of it

in the world?

Life beyond life.

Existence beyond

the known.

Light shinning 

through the dark.

All of Her

Holding them in our hands,

neatly cut, well printed

photographs of moments,

and people now gone.

Here we are at our wedding.

Just you and I, your father,

and the judge at the town hall.

Here we are standing

in front of your parents house.

Here we are at the rehab center

visiting your mother 

right after we married.

She looked so overjoyed.

Even now, sitting at the table,

I can see her here, 

across from me, lighting up,

smiling, singing, 

making me laugh

and her herself as well.

Do you understand

how much of herself

lives on in you?

 

Plasma

The stories are endless and never ending.

Lines converging and diverging,

rivers running to the ocean,

everything in union.

How much the Moon has seen.

How much the Sun has lived.

Liquid, ice, vapor,

and the state 

no one thinks about.

Another Time, Another Place

Morning frost 

disappearing 

by the moment

as the sun awakens.

Change of state,

proof of reincarnation.

When will we be again?

The Waves

When will this feeling change?

It always changes.

Remember all the different waves

falling upon the shore

and dissipating all the same.

From Here I Watch

Shrouded in the darkness

between light,

dreaming, waking,

dreaming, waking,

walking through 

the stillness

of early morning.

The sky turns

a dark blue,

clearing so gradually,

until at last

all can be seen. 

La Bruja Blanca

Drown all my fears

beneath the water,

watch them sink

to the ocean floor,

live among the coral.

From the shore

the hidden world is lost,

nothing but tides

to be seen

going in and out.

I whisper all hopes,

call the dreams,

speak them into being.

Haunting

Do we become ghosts

and disappear

from each other's lives?

Or do we linger

and haunt each other

at the fringes 

of memory?

Sleeping In

Remember ten, fifteen years ago,

when working at ten in the morning

seemed too arduous a task?

Back when your nights 

were a different life

and lived to 

absurd extremes?

Now, waking at six am

is sleeping in 

on a lazy Saturday

or Sunday morning.

When we are ready 

to change, to live

a different life,

we do, and there will be

nothing anyone can

say or do to change it.

Northeast Morning

Light bursts through limbs

smeared with browns,

amber, and ochre.

Thank you

for reaching out

and reminding me

of now.

Silence

Moving through

the early morning

It pauses 

Looks around

Takes a breath

Keeps moving

Palms to the Heavens

I fought hard 

for many years

to keep my life 

as it was.

I gripped it 

so hard.

I was scared, 

so scared,

to lose 

the little I had.

And just like that

I began to loosen 

my grip.

One by one,

my fingers relaxed 

and let my palms

face the sky.

I am learning still.

Nearness

When I write I am hearing these words, 

silently, in my own voice. Your experience

may vary, depending on whether or not

you know what my voice sounds like.

In the grand scheme of things it doesn't

matter what the timbre of my voice is,

merely that these words exist, proof

of my existence for those who happen

upon this message. How strange, how 

beautiful to be able to reach out to one 

another, for just a moment, to hold it 

between us, to feel the distance close, 

to have this nearness.

We Are Here

The little things 

are numerous and many.

Their size belies

their importance.

In younger days

everything needed to be

BIG, GRAND,

SIGNIFICANT.

There is still a place

for that 

but in the cracks

exists so much beauty

that we otherwise

miss.

A picture sent

from old friends,

a hello, a birthday

greeting,

to acknowledge

we are still here

in this season 

of falling leaves.

An eternal kiss

Sea and Shore

Bound effortlessly

Where The Night Ends

I wonder to myself 

where the deer roam

before the dawn.

I look to the trees and 

hillside, seeing and 

hearing nothing.

They roam in quiet,

far from any 

unwanted glances.

She

She breathes and changes

and breathes

over and over.

She changes colors

in unceasing 

seasons.

Geese land 

on the lake.

Ripples to

the shore.

I can forgive so I do

and I will as often

as I can to make things

right and have a better day

Just the two of us Dear

Our Mother

The Earth has forgotten 

more than we'll ever know.

She tends to all her children

but only we have remade her

in our own image.

Mother, we are but children.

Forgive our immaturity.

Bring us into the light of the Sun.

How good to know

we'll see each other 

and cross the distances

of time

Learning to Run

If you love me don't be afraid 

to speak the truth

I will do the same for you

If you are unhappy 

the location 

will not change that

If you truly want to change

you must sacrifice

something for it

You cannot walk

without taking

a first step

eventually

you will run

We live with our choices

and actions

We alone bear 

the consequences

Make good choices

Do good actions

How to know

what is good

Look inward

Honesty

Practice honesty with yourself

if you hope to be honest with others.

Eternal Life

The leaves are dying as 

they watch the ground grow near

From a cold winter

they emerge once more

Into Being

Every word

Every thought

Every choice

Every action

creates the story

creates the plot

sets the scene

for what is to be

Think well

the words 

you call 

into being

Shanti Om

Everything was falling apart within me

I knew it and floundered even further

For a time I found respite 

Sheltered in the warmth 

of Alice's faith

I was able to keep going

to keep living for a while longer

Eventually I had to leave

the difficulties of my old ways 

Alice helped me begin the journey

Listening to her voice 

I can remember the beauty

and healing I felt

I have gone so much farther 

than I could have imagined

How grateful I am to be here

How grateful I am to be

Five-Fifteen A.M.

This early hour

Dawn has yet to yawn

Yet I am awake

together 

with you

Who would

have guessed

I wake and 

watch you 

sleeping peacefully

and think

to myself

how beautiful

you are

how lucky

I am

The feelings wash over me

As if I'd been knocked over

By a wave at the beach

And lost a pair of new glasses