Making Mistakes With Every Step

She's bored with the way things have been 

going in her life lately. Work is a repetition 

that has dulled her mind. When she is home

she tries to be the mother she thinks her

daughter needs. She's not sure who that is 

but she is trying to figure it out. Her little 

girl is going to be a beautiful woman one 

day, she is sure of it. 

She doesn't care to stay in touch with her 

ex-husband, though they do see each other

for as much as they have to when they 

pick up or drop off their girl. She drinks 

too much but she doesn't know it yet. It

is going to be fine until the day when it 

isn't, until she wakes up with vomit in the

sheets and caked in her hair and her daughter

is about to return from a sleepover. 

She masturbates to the idea of a man who

is loving, who wants to love her, to be with

her. She doesn't think it is much to ask of

this world but she doesn't know any better.

She is fine going out to bars by herself,

getting drunk, talking to men in smoke

filled rooms, listening to their boring stories

of what bullshit happened at work and the

reason they're drinking at that moment.

They never run out of excuses for drinking,

for drinking more, for driving home, for 

trying to shut off the nagging voice that 

has no off switch. 

She is bored. She lets herself be bored by life.

It could all be better some day. She tells 

herself that every day. When will that day be?

She doesn't know yet but she hopes to know

soon, the days are passing much too quickly

now and time is in a hurry.