This Night (Freewrite 9/12/16)

These words don't need to mean anything. If there is meaning
then it is purely unintentional. There are intended consequences
for cast off actions and improvised thoughts. Pose a question as
a declarative statement and expect no answer. I held my niece
but she motioned for me to set her down so she could walk. I
obliged and watched her small legs carry to my mother, her
grandmother. There is never enough of the things we think we
need. We get by anyhow. I have twelve dollars to my name.
This isn't the first time. I worry enough but perhaps not about
the things I need to worry about. If I were to ask you to sing
for me would you? If you asked me to sing for you I would.
There would be no promise of my voice being pleasing, in
key, or even being remotely sensible lyrically. Perhaps I'd be
better off humming to you. Once upon a time there was a boy
who wrote poetry. One day that boy started playing music.
The boy grew up. To this day he still writes poetry and plays
music. The boy is now a broke man but more often than not
he is happy. The end. In medias res. Time is fleeting. Who
said that? Did it ever need to be said? And why in latin?
Tempus Fugit. Sometimes I think about what Mary told me
a few years ago. When I think about those things I think I
have been a fool to not act on them. Mary is fine. Her new
book will be published soon. This art, this struggle, may it
never end. Why would you want me to paint you a picture
of the sunset when I could take you to the beach and watch
it together in a profound silence broken only by the waves.
I like a well made Mai Tai after sunset at the beach. Two or
three well made drinks will put you comfortably at ease
with yourself and most anything else. Foolish blood caught
flowing through my body, we are both prisoners in the same
cell. Women I have loved. Women I have admired. Women
I have loved so much I cannot stand to be near them. What
did young Octavian think as he conquered the known world?
What did Marcus Vipsanius Agrippa think as he watched
Octavian become Augustus? The fate of a new empire rested
with them. We still speak their names. If I had no name what
would I call myself? If you had no name how would you be
known? Identity. Created and upkept. This nebulous vision
constructed and maintained for the benefit of who? Who and
whom, an other with no name to call but I wish you here.
Preach to the unwashed masses only because they forget to
bathe today. Covered in the dirt of the Earth are they not more
holy than we? God, are you listening? Have you gone to sleep?
This landslide will bury us whole. Choking on ash, collapse
of the known order, we must build something new or be
enslaved by the will of another. Moon shining bright over me
will you guide me to sleep? Will you keep Death at bay?
Will you kiss me farewell at dawn?