Rebirth (Freewrite)

Memories of myself hidden and revealed
Lost beneathe the waves of years and
illuminated by fragments of passing light
Forest fox what do you seek in this city
of endless roads that you could not have
had in your home away from all of this
Begging questions from street corners
No one kind enough to throw an answer
into the cup but answers are hard to come
by these days though everyone thinks
they have one but they are most often
mistaken I've spent my life in hidden
spaces and only come to light and air
on the occasion of my infrequent birth
Your mother wonders how you've been
but you have been how your mother
wonders How silly to turn a phrase back
on itself as if it had no other reason to be
Your words cannot be used against you
because words belong to all of us and for
any one of us to claim sole ownership of
words such such WAS or AM or PAST
or BELOVED or LIE or QUAIL would
be silly beyond comprehension and yet
we do not comprehend all that is placed
before us in this life so we pretend and
justify things we do not fully understand
Understanding would only get in the way
of progress and progress should never
be a form of regression unless it is and it
often is Do you remember being a child
and feeling the mixture of terror and wonder
at the sight of fireworks on the fourth of
July It was as if the whole world was
burning itself up and beautifying itself
all at the same time How sweetly you
loved those days and how little you
understood of the near limitless freedom
of that age Now you think upon it and
feel sadness come over you until it is
washed away by the new joys that come
with age and maturity You have become
ripe as a fruit and no less beautiful Beauty
only ever interested you as a means to
understand truth but you always hated
those meandering conversations rooted
in philosophy that would circle like water
into the drain in the bathtub Naked and
together with your lover in bed or in the
shower warmth togetherness the denial
of an outer world A new religion a new
philosophy built for two as a bulwark
against a world that has grown uncertain
and indecisive Love is a decisive feeling
that leaves no uncertainty It simply is or
isn't Now I am Now you are We shall
both continue to be so until the day
when we both cease to do so On that day
what shall be said by those remaining
For me I hope it can be said that he lived
until he could live no longer and when he
could live no longer he decided to see
the world anew from another place
and oh how beautiful it is from there!