Muse Moving Morning

JAZZ
the gods have grown old
but we still worship them
as the remaining reminders
of a golden age
that has been mythologized
in books, documentaries, music
and their own
scar marked bodies.
the art form has been preserved
and now survives
on tubes and wires
to keep it alive.
the young have lost
the burning desire that
these gods once had
and occupy themselves
in other pursuits
so far removed from this
glorious fire.
the form remains
but that is not enough.
the remains must be viewed
and then destroyed
to let the new seeds
take root.


i have no regrets
but i do wish
i could forgive myself
for you.

simple morning man
these day time hours
are spent in the company
of no one but the sound
that soothes and destroys.
it is enough to keep me content
before the afternoon and evening
occupy my mind and body.


honesty
when i hold your body close to mine
on these late nights
i wish i could give you my heart.
i wish i could be a better man
to be able to love without care
or without weight attached
to my wretched being.
stop all words
and let touch
be the only one
to say so much.


are and are
fleeting thoughts
of desire
are many in the mind
of mortal men.
my mind is no different
and you are the object
of such fleeting thoughts
in my head.
you are the type of woman
that i find desirable
but would be wholly
impractical for us both.

Long Nights Of Dead And Lost Love

guardian at the gates
guard your heart against me
and keep it close
to you.
open your mind to me
and the rest will follow.
guard your heart against me
until i am
who i need to be
to possess it.



Arctic Eyes


The Pretty Dead

our words will save us
before they kill us.

Sum

Sum
How am i supposed
to see your face
when you keep
turning away
from me?
We, could become Us
so easily.
I should have known
better than
to fall in love
with you.

Emotional Abortion

Emotional Abortion
this is neither
the first nor
the last time
she has been here
for this.
each time
she comes
it is not a matter
of life or death,
it is a matter
of business.
sitting in that cold
impersonal waiting room
to be led into that
cold impersonal
chamber
where this
business transaction
will take place.
it is not cause i want to
she thinks,
it would just be bad for business.
getting knocked out
would cost too much
so she stays awake
through it all.
the sounds are all
familiar to her by now.
she tries to think
of other things
during her time in there,
happier things
from a happier place
she has never been.
mother would say
to wait for that special man.
but how will i know mom?
trust me honey
you'll know.
except for two,
all the other right men
have had just
the right bit of money.
the numbness in her body
is no comparison
to the numbness
of her heart.
when she is done
she leaves
and feels nothing
going through those doors
except wishing
she didn't have to come back again
so soon.
she always comes back
too soon.

Break Every Rule At Least Once

feed me with your kiss


no such thing as modern romance
It is good to know
that the urges
that are stirred
by our attraction
do not die
for our lack of nearness
but only intensify
when we meet
on such nights.


the only reason to learn any rule is to break it.
should i
hide
beneath
words that serve
to obfuscate
the meaning
and message
of that which i wish
to convey
because
it is artistic?
because
it is more indirect?
because
it builds some mystique?
i say
and
i write
that which is honest
from the wreckage
of my being.
this is not
to satisfy
some hack professor
at some hack university
where learning and
true knowledge
are dropped in favor
of making good
businessmen,
good consumers.
fuck you
and
fuck those
rules they taught you
in those creative writing
workshops.
be the artist
you wish to be
by your own standards
and by your own
expectations.
Emulate your idols,
then strike them from your mind
and then
become
that which you need to be.

leaving you behind

shoot it down
i am sitting
listening to tonights rain
inside this room
listening to the group
we saw together
for the first time.
do you remember
how you reached over and
held my hand that night there?
in that vast cavern
of people and sound?
i should have stopped caring
that night.


bootstrapbombadier
you might as well
stamp out
those soft delusions
from your mind
and surrender
to the reality
of what is facing you.




such a pretty little girl
your heart
and mine
are more foolish
than our minds
could ever hope
to be either
together or
alone.


pushing farther and farther into the distance ahead
you were
so golden to me.
whatever happened
to you?
or was it me
that drove
you away?

Sometimes I Wish I Had Lost That Leg

it started at barnes and noble
the same old story
plays through
again and again
in my life
when it comes to you.
close
but not quite
good enough
close
but not quite
the one
for you.
it might be easier
to live like johnny
when he got his
gun.



single subject
i am pretty sure
you have not
been oblivious
to me
and my emotions
but you probably
don't
have the heart
in you to just
out and out
crush my
feelings.
after all this time
i think i would
rather you
did that
than have
this going on
and on again.



fuck you and these dead feelings
i am not
entirely sure
if i care anymore
but i can't
be sure of
that either.


one track
there is no other option
except
for the path
i have embarked upon.
this mad mind
would rather
die than
surrender
to anyone else's
expectations of myself.

Living Among The Dead

Living among the dead
is the only way
to describe
how i have lived
this last day.
i await my return
to the world
of the living

Corcovado

Astrud,
Would you
sing me to sleep
with that
beautiful
voice of yours
that made me fall
in love with you
and dream of a place
called
Corcovado?
Oh, How lovely.
That first time
was amazing
with you.
Every time since,
when I hear those
words escape
your lips
I become
enraptured
in the sound
of true
beauty.



United By Fate, Divided By Love



Our Flesh Becomes One



every new beginning
is at least
a little awkward.
that is nothing new.

Late Night Madness

like this moment
for everything gone right
i still feel something
to be missing
inside myself.
whether it be
in my head
or in my heart.
there is still
a yearning
that aches
to be filled.
some days
it is more apparent
than others.
some nights
it keeps me
wide awake
and disturbs
my mind to a
great degree.
on those nights
i wonder whether
or not i can possibly
go on this way.
so far each time
the answer
has been yes.
i hope to keep
it that way for
the foreseeable
future
but sometimes
i just don't know.


fear
life terrifies me.
it can be the most
daunting thing.
it sits there
just staring at us,
waiting for us
to make a move.


more on the same topic
writing late at night
can be a cathartic
experience at times.
a quiet catharsis
that is denied me
in other forms
of expression.
when my mind
and heart
pour forth
their fears
and insecurities
by the baleful.
other times
it just gets worse
and sleep only comes
through sheer
physical exhaustion.

The Problem With Existence

Facts
Life has killed
better men
than us.
We will be
no exception.



Face The Facts
Our perception of existence
is far narrower
than we can imagine.
Beyond the scope
of our physical world
remains
an infinite realm
where our minds
and hearts
fear to tread.
If we were to step
through such
ancient doors
would we accept
the visions
we would see?
Could we?
Or would it all
be chopped up
to the hallucinations
of natures play
with our psyche?
We are no more
in control of this world
than the fish in the sea.



this modern life
running without
thinking without
living without
being without
breathing without
deaming without
doing without
results without
consequence without
reason or order.

Man The Ramparts

sea
the tides
turn to us
and then
pull back
to the sea.
it always
goes back
and forth.


thoughts on tonights conversation
one day
our present
will be seen
by others
as some sort
of defining cultural
moment where
we took control
of our art and
our world.
until that day
comes to pass,
we toil on
as mad fools
creating art
from the
wrecks
we call our
lives.


self-centered
if it were not
for people like us
the arts
would have died
a long time ago.
if it were not
for people like us
the present would
be just like the past.
if it were not
for people like us
everything
would be like
frozen amber.



this will destroy me
draw me close to your lips
then feed me with your breath.
take my hand
and lead me to your bed.
draw me close
so i can hear your heart beat.

In Time

In Time
everything
becomes beautiful again,
everything
learns
to live again.
In Time
we see
how beautiful
it has always been

throwaway

sameness
good days
bad days
they're all
the same.
what matters
is the
experience
of living
no matter
what
anyone
else might
say.


between yesterday and today
we might
be at odds
some of the time
over what
we are doing
but
it won't matter
too much
afterwards
because
this is
what we
need to do
now.



tu y yo y la mota
tomorrow night
might be a repeat
performance
of another
night we have had
recently
but that is ok
because
we will both
be far too
out of our minds.

Disintegrate and Coalesce

dedicated to all those in transition



noticing the obvious
the cycle continues
through every life
through all points
in time.
the pattern is the same
until you look
at the details
which make every
occurrence new.
everything
is destroyed
and everything
is rebuilt
time
and
time
again.


A4(ism)
we are at the mercy
of this life
until we see
how much
is in our hands
to wield
and shape.


una pregunta
did you let
that beautiful
part of you die
when life
crushed those
dreams?
no one has lived
until they let go
of that pain
and see the
path then
revealed.


hard lessons
falling in love
and then having
ones heart
broken
is one of the
best things
that could happen
to anyone.
to know love
of the body
and spirit
and to know
that even
when those are
broken, that
the essence
inside survives.


(un)necessary
pain feeds the birth of art
but is not a prerequisite
although it does help.

Mourn This Now

dead fire
the fire
has burned itself
out.
all the years of
life
and shadow
now only
a memory
of ash.
the smoldering
embers
die slowly
as the ground
waits
to be reborn.

relationship
a passing illusion
is all we have ever
been.
now
even that
is gone.

Head For The Shallow

famous street
it must be so easy
when you've got the look
that everyone wants,
that everyone thinks
is in.
life doesn't look as
pretty as you do most
of the time.
do not confuse
this for hatred
or dislike
cause this is neither.
i have a feeling both of our
efforts will get two
separate types of people.
who cares and
what does it matter anyway?
it doesn't because
we are traveling two
very different roads
towards the same place.



the sound of big business
this is what i want,
this is what i need.
this is the life force
that feeds the madness
and ambition inside.
if not for these brave
men you could be forgiven
for thinking that music
had completely lost
its bite and balls.
i'd much rather go down the dark
avenue of big business
than the empty promise
of mulholland drive.



"What could go wrong? Let me count the number of ways..."



i'm not interested in what you are
saying as much as
what you are doing.


H.A.F
I don't think i have ever
let my mind and body
indulge in such a way
as we did that night.
that explains
why i was so sore
the following day.


"take my advice don't come any closer. don't you come any closer you're giving us all away."

you gotta make it happen

don't think too much
it can be simple
to do hard things
if you don't
over think it
and just do it.
such a simple
thing to say
and so much
harder to do
you might say
but have you
ever given it
a shot?


breaking silence
i am glad
we spoke today
for the first
time in almost
three months.
i was worried
that it would be
awkward
after so long and
especially after
how we left off
that night.
it's good to know
it's ok and
that tomorrow
we'll get to see
each other again
my old friend.


less talk
too much ambition
can be a bad thing
but only if you do
nothing about it
except talk talk
talk. fortunately
that is not the case
with me. action backs
up everything i say.
no more
blah
blah
blah
only
action.


its ok, really.
get frustrated
its ok
as long as you can
see that
there is always more
beyond that if you
are ready
and willing
to move past it.
don't be a greedy
or selfish child.
you are better than
that. we are in this
together and
need to make it
work with
a united front.

Stop Falling So I Can Stand

asi es.
between a controlled
demolition
and an uncontrolled
one
is an obvious
and large difference.
between
flying off the handle
and understanding
carries
an equal amount
of difference.
bad vibes
dictate too much
and cloud reason
and judgement.
greater good?
some times
i wonder
if you get it at all.



actreaction
its not the end of the world
so stop acting like it is
all the fucking time.


into
its all falling
falling
into place.
its all falling
falling into
place.
if you can
can
if you can
open those
blind
open those
blind eyes
you would
see
see that
it is all
falling
falling
into place.


met
let the metronome
be your
heart beat.
perfect time,
it would be in perfect
time with
mine.


divider
stop cutting me apart
so i can keep it together
stop cutting me apart
so i can keep it together
take that knife out
so i can put it in
take that knife out
so i can put it in
you too.

Something Elusive Temporarily

one of those days
from time to time
you can sense
a change
before it happens.
perhaps
specifics are hard
to come by
but there is
a stirring in
the bones
that you know
to be true.
there is no choice
but to act
with the change
as it comes to you
ready to charge
through.


Q & A
am i a foolish man?
i don't like to
answer questions
like that
about myself.
i find myself
wondering now
about that question.
sitting here,
waiting,
letting life pass me by.
some days
i am so consumed
by the rushing moments
that i neglect
to bask in both
solitude and thought.
know thyself?
i am trying.



un recuerdo
i can still smell you
on my clothes.

i can still feel
your touch.


i can still
see us.

i can still
imagine those moments.

i can still
live with it.

we are passing continents.

para mi primo mario
primo,
com has estado?
no recuedro la ultima
ves que yo te vi.
yo te espero
aqui hasta que
regreses
del pueblo
donde viene
nuestra sangre.
quisas un dia
nos regresariamos
a nuestra tierra
juntos.



"If I Give You Sugar Will You Give Me Something Elusive Temporarily?"
- Ladytron

A Request

A Request
sometimes
you just need to
ask for certain things.
i may not always
be the most
observant man
and some times
i need a reminder
to get me
in the right direction.
some times
my words fail me.
some times
i am more awkward
than i would like
but i will always
be the me i know
how to be when
you see me.
i cannot promise
some unending devotion
or some romantic myth
that the movies
have sold to us
but i can tell you now
that i will try to be the
good man i know i can be
when i see you around.
i'll make you laugh when i can
and hopefully you'll laugh
cause you'll think it's funny.
let's not over think
this too much but
let us take this
one sweet night
at a time.

A Night At The Rainbow Room

A God Who Is A Man
last night
was like most nights
spent out in pursuit
of late night living.
our final destination
was one of infamy.
not so much for the place
as much as for the man
who can be found there.
he is someone mythologized
and respected
for having made it so long
living his life in the only way
he has seen fit to live.
we walk in and see him at a table
outside with a few women.
we go inside to the crushing sound
of words enabled by alcohol
and the heat of so many
bodies all pressed against each other
hoping to absorb some of the
magic of years gone by on
this famous street.
the wreckage of the last few decades
of musicians could be found here
in an overabundance.
we milled about until we found
a space where we could converse.
soon enough
the lights came on and last call
was announced.
we walk outside
and see this god
talking to a different woman.
the two of them just sitting there
speaking like any other pair of people there.
we make leave down the street
and enter the few remaining
businesses open at this late hour.
we share some history which has led to
that present moment.
on the way back to our car
who do we see heading in the same
direction as we?
the god.
he was now by himself
walking across the street.
he walked by us
and then down that side street
all by himself,
disappearing into the night
no more a god but merely
a man
just as human as we.

the faithless faithful

another night at the abattoir
my heart does not wander.
if you have that then
you have the whole of my soul.
my body is a whore
that goes to the places
it pleases.
these days
i give my heart to no one
except the one person
who does not want it.
so do not worry about me.
this is nothing new.


fictive future of a fictive past
i cast coins
to tell
of the possible
future that
awaits me.
as i looked
it told me
nothing
i did not
already know.
perhaps
the future and i
are already in
agreement.
then i rolled over
as the dance
began.