Thoughts on 'Muzzle'

Muzzle

I fear that I am ordinary, just like everyone To lie here and die among the sorrows Adrift among the days For everything I ever said And everything I’ve ever done is gone and dead (chorus) As all things must surely have to end And great loves will one day have to part I know that I am meant for this world My life has been extraordinary Blessed and cursed and won Time heals but I’m forever broken By and by the way... Have you ever heard the words I’m singing in these songs? It’s for the girl I’ve loved all along Can a taste of love be so wrong (chorus) And in my mind as I was floating Far above the clouds Some children laughed I’d fall for certain For thinking that I’d last forever But I knew exactly where I was And I knew the meaning of it all And I knew the distance to the sun And I knew the echo that is love And I knew the secrets in your spires And I knew the emptiness of youth And I knew the solitude of heart And I knew the murmurs of the soul And the world is drawn into your hands And the world is etched upon your heart And the world so hard to understand Is the world you can’t live without And I knew the silence of the world From the Mellon Collie and The Infinite Sadness Record by The Smashing Pumkins written by Billy Corgan _______________________________________ When I first heard this song as a kid in junior high I loved it but I never entirely knew why. The music moved and lifted itself and you during every listen. It was part of the larger tapestry of music which is the Mellon Collie and The Infinite Sadness record by the Smashing Pumpkins. There came a large gap of years where I didn't really listen to them or this album. Recently I started revisiting this album which is something I do from time to time with records I have loved in the past. Listening to the album as a young adult in my mid-20's the lyrics have taken on a new dimension that had previously escaped me. Being in this age range feels like a second adolescence. Seeing friends and acquaintances go through the same struggles for life and meaning that being a teenage did to us but now with greater consequences than before. The song starts off with a line that could be attributed to the thoughts of almost any person at some point in their life: "I fear that I am ordinary, just like everyone." As a young adult that is definitely a thought and fear that has seeped into my head from time to time. So much time and energy has been spent hoping and believing that I am special, that I am different. That is a very self-absorbed thought to have but it is one that has allowed me to pursue music and writing as creative outlets with the aspiration to one day have them be what sustains me in this world. The odds are stacked against us but perhaps it doesn't hurt to believe that maybe, just maybe I am special, I am unlike everyone. One of the lessons from this song has been the impermanence of life and love. "As all things must surely have to end and great loves will one day have to part."One of the harshest lessons that life imparts to all of us is the fleeting nature of our lives in this world. Nothing stays static, life is in constant motion. This can be a beautiful, wonderful thing while other times it can be terrifying and disorienting. Love has always been a complicated thing for myself. There have been a few people who I can claim to have honestly loved. Not that sappy passing fancy bullshit most people misconstrue as love but rather that deeper sense of bonding and connection to someone where their mere presence lifts you up and make you feel like a better person. Losing that or having it be unreturned is something no one will ever forget. It is a growing pain which illustrates how unlike a movie life can be. Life gives no guarantee of a happy ending but it should make you strive and hope towards something greater. That love is something perhaps someday will be found again. To hear those words come from that song is a reminder of everything that has happened and may happen still. There is more to say on this but it will have to wait for when there is more time.