What Was Different

It was mid-morning

and I had been awake for hours.

I wasn't writing,

wasn't doing much of anything

except sitting down

and consuming information

idly in my chair.

This is a comfortable

stagnant routine. I weighed

myself and didn't like

the result. I had been doing

modestly by my standards

but had managed to blow

small gains in just a few days.

Bad habits dig into you so slowly

that you cannot feel

the nails piercing your skin

and entering flesh.

I grabbed the half-empty

pint of whiskey

and poured it into the sink.

A brown swirl flooded

the basin and disappeared

into the pipes. It's scent

wafted upwards. I ran the water

and poured some into

the empty bottle to rinse it out.

I did this for a bottle of soda

that was also unfinished

from last night. I've never

done this before. I had to.

No coercion, no violent accident.

Just a choice, a small one

to be repeated.