Unedited Freewrite Excersize

don't let this sentimental nature fool you, believe what

you want to believe. see what you wish to see. I am an

empty vase waiting to be filled the stems of your blooms.

I shattered on the floor when his arm knocked me over.

abstract thoughts of joy and missed opportunity pluck

at neurons like grapes from a clutch. Its easier to write

to forget to write and let the words tumble clumsily with

out any sense of order or volition. awkward children run

ning awkwardly, words that are never enough to capture

the full scope of joy, a mind too pent up, too worried

too concerned about what it is, what it could be, an

underlying sense of fear and dread of madness that could

consume an entire life, a life lost, left drooling, raving

in blind hysterics. wish you were real and not memory

could could be nothing its just unreal if you let yourself

slide away its just words nothing more just words falling

slowly waiting for you to make sense of them all edit them

together into a form give order give meaning to it all or

just let them stand alone in their solitude. i can't forget

the touch of steel slicing clean and deep, a hurt as pure

as any you gave me, i can feel that beat drive deep into

that subconscious sphere, i am not here a free word

association is all that there is left of me frantically try

ing to to the loose thread together again, they're too

frayed and gray, just forget the task, its not worth the

bother anymore they'll always be that far ahead you'll

never catch up. stop being scared stop standing at the

edge and jump and breath in the deep waters, let the

spongy lung tissue ache in pain, there is nothing left

to give when there is nothing left to live. turquoise

canopy of forgiveness shade my infidelity mask my

tranquility behind the concerned look of fragility

your mask mirrors mine if we could only see the

faces we hide from each other, you forget who is

there behind it all, all i see is a stranger left in my

place all i see left of you is the memory i hold tight

by the throat, never leaving me, but i wish you

would the way i've left you so many times before

alone on the side of the road, to fend for yourself

to worry of no one else. there is no peace in your

sanity, only one holy and unstable promise made

to keep, but its been broken and no one remembers

what it was any longer.