Freewrite 7/12/17

If I start writing at this moment what will come out?
I do not know, I have no plans. It is merely what it
will be. How much of my fears and insecurities can
I lay out on the page? This act is simple yet consumes
the passion of a lifetime to come close to perfecting
something so ethereal. What magic is this? Is it more
than mere words plucked from the ether? I have let
many years pass me by and now I wish to no longer
do so. I must find my way to action. It starts simply
as thoughts but I cannot let myself be consumed
merely by thought. I must find the way to concrete
action. I just remembered an old friend telling me of
her father dying. Another friend had his mother die
last year. Time is marching on it's endless campaign
in the war that hardly anyone understands is going
on everywhere at all times. The illusion of the eternal
present is a force that lulls many of us into pure
inaction through sheer inertia. Is the great search for
meaning that there is no meaning? Are we each
responsible for creating a way forward for ourselves?
I would say that is a very likely thing. When I listen
to the birds in the morning how many generations of
men and women done the same? How did the first
human at the beach feel as they marveled at the
seemingly endless expanse of the ocean? How
beautiful it is to behold so much water coming in
and out from the shore. Did this simple view help
solidify the idea of gods in the mind of man? I am
grateful for this life but I demand more from myself.
That is me in the present. I must not only demand
this of myself, I must create the conditions that
will allow me to do this work. To master oneself
is the work of a lifetime. I must control this unruly
body and it's simple desires. This desire is not
relenting. I must not let myself back down from this.