From Dream to Honesty

I wake up and you are not there. I place my hand
on the sheets and feel the warmth of your body
and realize I must have dreamt of you there.

There are days when I wish to leave this city life
and live a quiet life in a small town. Part of this
desire I know would not work. I can't run away

from myself, from my fears, and insecurities.
I must slowly work on these inner changes.
This can be the only way to truly grow.

The more I live and think about it, the more
I feel as though there must be truly something
more to this life. But what is that more?

How does one define that which refuses to be
defined? I suppose that is one of the places I
am at right now. I feel spiritually restless.

When I think about the present and the near
future one idea that has grabbed hold of me
is stop drinking from August until I return

to Mexico next year. So, roughly 6 or so
months off. It just seems as though it would
be beneficial physically and spiritually.

Drinking is a thing that I have struggled with.
I admit this to myself because I know it.
I have to face this fact about myself.

To make some of the changes I wish to do
in my life my drinking is something that
must fundamentally change.

This can only help me in clearing my thoughts
as well as helping me to lose the weight
that clings to me. This is true no matter what.

Right thoughts, right actions. This life is not
easy. This life is struggle. I struggle with these
parts of myself. This is myself being honest.